Well, that was... devastating...

Posted on Sun Jan 27th, 2019 @ 11:38am by

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Just woke up after being asleep almost continuously for the last fifteen hours, happy to find Anya wasn't here. Not sure I could face her right now.

So, and I should've expected it, Anya rejected me completely for a more attractive woman. The worst part was when she looked in my face and lied to me, told me she didn't know I was interested in her. Look, I get it, you don't see me, I'm nothing, I can accept that, but don't insult my intelligence with an obvious lie.

I wish I could hate her, that would make this so much easier for me, but, as usual, I can't. Can't even not be in love with her. All I can do, like every other time, is try to figure out what is so wrong with me that nobody wants me. I've been working on that question since I came out at fifteen, for some reason I'm just repellent to all women.

Coming out was a nightmare. My dad flipping out, "Good Jewish girls don't do that!" My mom sitting there silently, never a word of support only, "You know how your father is, Samantha." always making excuses for him.

Now, I've got a new nightmare, because at least until this incident is handled, I've got to share quarters with the woman who rejected me without a thought...

Oh, fuck me, what if her girlfriend comes down and joins us? That would be my life, having to listen to Anya two bunks down screwing the woman she blew me off for.

Add to that being sick as Hell... This is just determined not to be my century.

I can hear Ricky laughing at me, always taunting me, "Melonhead got shot down again" and "Nobody wants you, ugly!"

And he's right.

So now my decision is made. I'm transmitting my application to the Academy as soon as we're back aboard the Elysium. I'll never find anyone willing to lower themselves enough to be with me, but maybe I can have a career.

That's the only thing I have left to hope for now.

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