Unshakable Past

Posted on Wed Nov 3rd, 2021 @ 8:27pm by Lieutenant Myne Redal
Edited on on Thu Dec 23rd, 2021 @ 9:27pm

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: Trill Homeworld
Timeline: Year 2396
1270 words - 2.5 OF Standard Post Measure

//ON//

It had been a horrible day. Everything that could go wrong actually went wrong. Why did she agree to it? Myne should have said no, why did she say yes? Myne lay in her hospital bed, looking at the bruises and cuts on her arms, her face still felt tender as well.

The Joining had gone smoothly and for about a year, nothing had gone wrong. She felt amazing, great even. Her skills in computers had taken a great leap forward, the experiences of the previous hosts helped her push past beyond her limits. Myne had been a small prodigy when it came to computers, though she struggled with other domains. If anything, it was Sudra's tutoring that helped her get through the Academy with respectable grades.

Not to mention, her already high fascination with the Ferengi growing up skyrocketed. A few of her previous hosts had lived among the Ferengi, and their memories were precious treasure troves for Myne. As if she herself had lived among them instead, those were her memories now. And they were precious, fun, enjoyable, and exciting.

Overall, she had benefited greatly from becoming Redal's host. Until the rest of the memories started coming forward. And with them came the nightmares. The second-year had been hard. Very hard on Myne, though she still earned a promotion. But it had taken its toll, struggling daily to cope, to pretend she was fine and well when she was not easy. Focusing on her work with desperate obsession helped. If she kept her mind busy she would not think of the storm boiling inside of her.

Though there had been heart aching moments, too many and painful for her to bear. Instincts she did not want screaming inside of her to give in. Drive that screwdriver through her fellow Ensign's hand. Why not overload this system, it would make it easier to take over the ship. And so on.

The worse part, that still brought her to tears was thinking of him. Zela, a Denobulan, had been the most patient and understanding person she had ever met. He tried his best, he really did. Trying to help her cope with the nightmares and new impulses, but Myne had not been strong enough. Too many times she had lashed out with anger that was not hers, always feeling he would stab her in the back, hurt her, betray her. And each night she felt the need to do bad things to him to keep herself safe.

Breaking up had been the most painful experience of her life. They had graduated from the Academy together, he had known her before and after the Joining. And yet, even he had a limit. It was mutual, but Myne could not help herself think that he had been relieved. Especially after that night when she jumped him and held a knife at his throat. Only to drop and break down in a panic, unable to explain what had taken over her. All he had wanted to do is help her meditate to try and deal with what she was going through. That was when she lost control.

She was on leave now, for medical reasons. Her only hope had been the Himantura, to pass on the personalities of her previous hosts onto others and to seek closure with them. It had gone poorly. The first host was raving mad and would not stop screaming, the second was no better, demanding restitution and other nonsense, more focused on his vengeance than anything else. It went downhill from there and Myne could only stand there in shock as each host proved worse than the previous one. It was the eighth host that attacked her, lunging at her throat, fists flying. The Guardian stepped in to save her, and that was why she was now recovering in the hospital. Tomorrow it was time for Sudra, the ninth and last host before her.

Why did she say yes to the Himantura? How come she did not have the foresight to know it would be a bad idea. Why did Redal have such horrible hosts before her? They all seemed like good people initially. Even the first host, Iza, had been kind, nurturing, worried for Myne. Until she broke down mid-sentence and started raving about saving lives and how it was not her fault. The eighth host, Vede, had been charming, gallant, brilliant, until the moment when he jumped her. That had been a pattern, all good people until something broke inside of them. Yet daring to scour her new memories did not reveal a cause or a pattern. And delving too deep was too painful and dangerous.

It was the next day, bandaged, that Myne dared to meet the last host, Sudra. Her teacher, her mentor, her guide, and the one who chose her for Redal. He had told her so many times how she had been made for this symbiont and there could be no better host than her. And she believed him.

As the Trill who now housed Sudra's personality opened her eyes, Myne teared up immediately.

"Why? Sudra... why did you choose me? How could you do this to me?" She asked tearfully, trying to control herself.

"Myne, my precious pupil. I am so sorry. Maybe I should have warned you but I meant everything I said. I know I placed a great burden upon you, but there is no one better to end this cursed line than you." The Trill spoke in Sudra's soothing, paternal tone, pained to see Myne cry.

"You should have told me." Myne trembled and looked down.

"If I did, would you have said yes?"

"No, of course not."

"Then that is why I did not tell you."

"But why... why did you pick me of all people? I am not the smartest or the ablest."

"No you are not, but Myne that is not what matters." Reaching forward, Sudra placed his hand on her chest, over her heart, before embracing her. "I picked you because you were the kindest. You are stronger than all of us who came before you. I always felt that."

"That is not true. I am not, I am scared, afraid. Sudra, I want this to end so badly."

"And yet, you will prevail Myne. "Someone has to break this cycle. I was not strong enough, not like you. Too many times I gave in and others paid the price. But you, I have faith in you. Myne, when I met you, I felt hope for the first time in many years."

"Sudra, I do not want this burden. It is eating me on the inside."

"Someone has to. Some good came out of each host before you. That good cannot be allowed to go to waste, and in time you will finally be the one to tame whatever has been plaguing all of us. I believe in you Myne." His hands held her tighter.

Finally returning the hug, Myne allowed herself to cry, to unload. No one understood, no one but Sudra and he was now living inside of her. She was alone, bearing something that felt like it would eventually crush her. But he was right, he had always been right. Myne had to try, she owe it to everyone that suffered, everyone that was hurt by Redal. She had to return to her ship and continue serving. The unshakable values and virtues of Starfleet were her hope.

//OFF//

Lieutenant JG Myne Redal
Assistant Chief Operations Officer
USS Elysium

Lieutenant Sudra Redal
Academy Instructor - Starfleet Academy Earth
Former Redal Host