I Can Get Over Him... Can't I?

Posted on Mon Nov 29th, 2021 @ 9:53am by

Mission: Season 5: Episode 3: CAPETOWN
Location: USS Elysium, Counseling offices
Timeline: MD 10 / 1530 hours
2293 words - 4.6 OF Standard Post Measure

ON:

Debra sighed heavily as she finally reached her destination. She hated talking to counselors. She had been forced to as a child, then while in the Academy, and now, out in the Fleet, there was a note in her file that stated she had to talk to a counselor, in session, at least once a month.

She probably would've waited longer, after joining the Elysium, to schedule her mandatory session, but, after seeing Kyle, and that magnificently stunning woman, Vanessa, together at the bar the other night, she was feeling a bit raw.

So, taking another breath, she reached up and pressed the door chime.

The door opened easily, revealing the tall Vulcan counselor tapping away at his desk terminal, and he stood to greet her. "Commander Villanova, please come in," he said, his tone at once more casual than a typical Vulcan's ought to be. He crossed over to extend his hand out to her, and said, "I'm Dr. Rael, it's good to meet you. Would you like anything from the replicator?"

There was a couch on one side of a small low-table, and two chairs to pick from; his office was decorated with a variety of potted plants and drawn art-what looked like children's art as well as more professional sketches gifted to him by previous patients. His credentials were clearly posted on the walls for her perusal.

"You can call me Debra. These sessions are supposed to be rank-free, aren't they?" She reached out and shook his hand. While it wasn't a very strong grip, she still did so correctly. Her mother always taught her not to give a limp handshake. "And, I guess, some sparkling Altair water, please?"

Conversely, Rael's grip was gentle-not limp, but it was evident that he did not seek to cause physical discomfort to others. "Absolutely," he answered her first question. "You may call me Rael, as well," he granted and moved to obtain her beverage from the pattern buffer. "Feel free to sit wherever you'd like." He matched her on the opposite side of her choice and held out the glass of Altair water, cradling his own full of Betazoid haisha. "It seems like you've been in and out of counseling for quite a while, now-and these sessions being mandatory-how are you coping with that? I'd like to know what you think."

Debra sat down in one of the chairs, and after removing her shoes, slid her right foot up underneath her as she brought her left knee up to her chest. Aftet thanking him for the water, she took a sip, then held it in both hands, in front of her left shin.

Shrugging, she replied. "My parents had me see shrinks when I was little, so they could figure out what was wrong with me. The instructors at the Academy did so, because they said I had no interpersonal skills. And now, that I'm in the Fleet, it's something that I just have to deal with." She kept looking down at her glass of water as she spoke. The rising bubbles from the carbonation made her think of various tactial maneuvers that a starship could use in combat.

"I'd like to move beyond dealing with it," Rael said simply. "I'll start by performing a basic assessment, and we'll see if you are where you need to be in order to work independently. How is your day-to-day life? How are you finding your job, that sort of thing. Friends, hobbies?" he didn't use a PADD while he spoke, his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned forward to listen to her answers.

Debra shrugged slightly. "My day-to-day? I wake up, go to the gym, get cleaned up, report for my duty shift, return to my quarters after my shift is over, read some technical manuals, have dinner, usually in my quarters, and go to bed. When I wake up the next day, I do it all over again. As for friends, I don't really have any, except maybe one or two people here on the Elysium. I just recently transferred over from Cheron Station. As for hobbies, I read, as I said, technical manuals and tactical updates, strategic movement orders from the surrounding space. That kinda thing."

She was a lieutenant commander in Starfleet; he found it incredibly unusual that she'd be required to undergo continuous mandatory counseling for something as subjective as social skills. It was a failure, a crack in the system. One he sought to rectify. "It does sound like you're a bit isolated, and that is something we can work on together, if you're amenable. I've checked your file-I don't see any disciplinary actions nor any signs of misconduct or negligence. How is your work environment? Do you have problems completing your duties or interacting with coworkers?"

She shook her head slightly. "My work is always on point, or better. As for my coworkers...." she seemed to pull in a little. "I'm...I'm not very good with people. I never have been." She took another sip of her water.

"Have you ever had an issue with a coworker interfere with the performance of your duties, or necessitate intervention from your superiors?"

Debra started to say no, but, stopped herself. She suddenly started to blush very heavily. "Yes," she whispered. "Once."

So, a normal amount of times. God forbid Rael remembers his clinical practicum. Comer shook him, in a way he didn't anticipate. If it hadn't been for Hiram, he probably would have received a disciplinary report of his own. He still wasn't seeing where all of this added up to years of mandatory therapy. "I do recall reading something of that in your file. Has that situation been resolved to a satisfactory degree?" Rael wondered.

Debra blushed again. "I'm not sure how you mean resolved. I still have strong feelings for a man that I will never have."

"Have you behaved inappropriately with him since that intervention," Rael clarified. "Barring such, I am going to be honest with you: I'm not in the habit of forcing people into therapy," Rael smiled, slight. "You have your struggles, like everyone else, but it doesn't meet the level required for involuntary sessions. I'd be honored to work with you-" his hands lifted, a calm gesture. "It sounds like there are still some issues at play and I can help you with that. However, I'm not willing to deny you the opportunity to make your own decisions with regard to your treatment. You are a competent individual, you are accomplished. You deserve to be treated as such."

Hearing him say that made Debra's eyes start to well up with emotion. No one had ever said that to her before. She was always told that, to remain a productive member of society, mandatory counseling was required. "Th-thank you."

"I do think I can help you," Rael maintained softly. "But I want this to be your choice. Ideally I would like to assist you in reaching a point where your day-to-day experiences are easier and less distressing-but it is not because you are a broken person. I just see a person. You've mentioned unrequited feelings for a superior officer-that is not an easy thing to live with. But it can be eased, I have faith in that, if you do decide to pursue this."

Her thoughts went to Kyle again, seeing that ruggedly handsome face of his, and that sexy, lop-sided grin that he seemed to wield so easily. She sighed softly, then returned to the present. Looking over at Rael, she finally nodded slowly. "I would very much like to find a way to move forward from my feelings for him. He's a good man, in an apparently loving relationship, with a stunningly attractive and highly intelligent woman." She cast her eyes down to the deck and shook her head slowly. "He is so far out of my league, I'd never stand a chance with him anyway." Her tone, though quiet, contained hints of heartbreaking realization.

"So, in here, I don't like using words like always and never because they're predictive of events that most sentient beings cannot predict. I'd encourage you to try and reframe these thoughts in a more objective manner. It doesn't have to be positive. It just has to be realistic-and it takes a lot of that negative self-talk out of the equation. Something more akin to: Captain Reece is in a committed relationship and he is your superior officer, so a relationship between the both of you is unfeasible. It is not because you are defective or out of his league."

Putting her chin on top of her left knee, Debra considered Rael's words for a few beats. Finally, she responded. "I guess that is a better way of looking at things." She let out another sigh. "But even if I find a way past how I feel about Kyle, how do I get better around large groups of people? More than three or four, and I start to shut down and go into my head."

"I am not much one for crowds, either," Rael's eyes crinkled up when he smiled, lending him a more gentle aura than was typical of a Vulcan. "Socializing has been a big deal for you, for a very long time, hasn't it? Tell me a bit about that. What kinds of feelings, thoughts or responses crop up when you're around larger groups of people?"

She took another sip of her drink as she considered how to answer his question. "Well, I tend to get very quiet and... submissive... to the whims of the group. I start to feel like my voice and thoughts don't matter, so I stop talking altogether, unless someone speaks directly to me, then I give them whatever answer I think they want to hear, and then go silent again. It's so much easier on the holodeck..." she added without thinking, before clamping her mouth shut, quietly cursing herself for stupidly giving Rael that opening. Now, he would see just how damaged she is. He would also then change his earlier statement and agree wholeheartedly with his past counselors as to the requirement of continued sessions.

"The holodeck can be a very effective tool in simulating circumstances that ordinarily cause us anxiety in a safe manner," is all Rael said, though whether or not he grasped the full implications of her statements remained to be seen. "In that I would absolutely agree, it must be a lot easier. It sounds like social situations produce a lot of anxiety for you, and that can be addressed. Dialectical behavioral therapy, exposure therapy and EMDR are very effective first-line treatments. Are you familiar with those techniques at all?"

Debra seemed to shink in on herself. "One of my earlier therapists tried exposure therapy. He kept forcing me in large groups, thinking I'd be cured. Only made things worse."

Rael actually made a face, grimacing. "I regret that you seem to have been exposed to sub-par clinicians over these last several years, Debra. I can assure you that is not how I would undertake it. What we would do would be quite a bit more incremental than that. Physical exposure is something that would come much later, once we've explored coping strategies for distress in more detail. I can assure you I have no intention of forcing you to do anything."

Debra shrugged slightly. She had heard that line from other therapists. In the end, they all grew tired of her and each would try to force the issue of making her better.

"Heard that one before, I presume," Rael nodded. "I don't expect you to trust me, that's a process that is organic and it takes more than one meeting. But I will not make you do anything you are not comfortable doing. If our sessions turn out to be ineffectual, you can simply stop showing up. Applying that type of pressure on another person is unethical, and it would only provoke further anxiety in you. That's not what I want."

While she was still feeling apprehensive, Debra did sense a difference in Rael's tone as he spoke to her. "We'll see." She then noticed the time on her chronometer. "I guess that's it for today?"

"I want you to take some time and really think about the way you want your life to look, the goals that you have for yourself, and what an optimal Debra would be like. A Debra that you like, that makes you proud. And if you want to come back to this office, my door will always be open to you. I can also send you some literature on the techniques I think would be helpful to utilize with you. Does that sound reasonable?"

She thought about it for a few beats, then nodded as she stared to get up. "Okay. Worth a shot." She slipped her shoes back on and returned the glass to the replicator. She then turned towards Rael and waited for what he wanted her to read.

He rose as well as she prepared to depart. "I'll send those materials along to your comm terminal momentarily, OK? I appreciate you taking the time to show up, and I look forward to seeing you again in the future."

She smiled softly and nodded her head. "See you later, Rael." She then turned and left his office.

OFF:

Lieutenant Commander Debra Villanova
Strategic Operations Officer
USS Elysium

Lieutenant JG Rael
Counselor
USS Elysium