Most people deal with the sun and how we circle around the warmth

Posted on Mon Nov 29th, 2021 @ 12:04pm by Lieutenant Commander Rin

Mission: Season 5: Episode 3: CAPETOWN
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: MD10 1100
1663 words - 3.3 OF Standard Post Measure

ON:

Once a month, every month, for seven years. That had been the deal. If she was going to return to Starfleet, she had to continue seeing a counselor. So, here she was, hitting the chime to Dr. Rael's office door.

The Vulcan waved the door open to permit her entry, rising to his feet to greet her with a small smile. "Rin, is that right?" he addressed her, holding out his hand in introduction. It's a peculiar introduction to him-a Vulcan, evidently aware of human customs and willing to use them. "I'm Rael, it's very good to meet you. Feel free to take a seat wherever you'd like."

There were a couple of options to choose from-a traditional couch, or one of two variably colored chairs arranged around a table. There was a desk in the corner with a terminal and stacks of PADDs and files-alongside a replicator, varied hanging plants, a stationary wind chime, some drawings that vacillated between professional-style art and children's nonsense-but Rael's seat was across from the table.

The purpose was evident; to facilitate an equal ground, a conversation of equivalent footing rather than a harsh separation between patient and clinician. He fished a steaming mug of Betazoid haisha out from the pattern buffer along the opposite wall and turned to her, finger hovering over the pin-pad. "Would you care for anything?"

Rin formally shook his hand with a strong, sure grip. Then she took a seat in one of the chairs. "Coffee, please. Black."

Her expression was neutral. She had any number of duties, and this visit was simply one of them. She didn't have much of an opinion about them one way or another.

Rael's fingers tap the pattern in, practiced from many long nights of caffeine-assisted study, and he retrieves her beverage in short order. "So," he prompts, mild. "I'd like to just start very basic. Can you tell me a little about yourself? What would you like me to know, getting started?"

Rin took a sip of her drink. "I divide my life into three parts: as Nicola Addison, as One of Six, and as Rin. And each of us is different: human, Borg and xB. The first died at Wolf 359, the second 17 years later. I've been an xB for the last 17 years, 9 of which were within Federation space, and 7 of that with Starfleet. We each have different experiences, different outlooks, different goals, and that's what makes a person, yes? The fact that we all lived within the same body shouldn't define us."

"And you perceive-most likely very accurately-that others define you in that manner," Rael concluded with a nod. "That makes a great deal of sense, and I imagine it can get very frustrating-not to mention overwhelming."

"In the early days the Federation hoped I could recover Nicola's memories, but it's pretty clear that's not going to happen in any useful amount, and I'd appreciate it if we didn't go down that path again. It's caused a lot of hurt to other people. I have parents, a sister, and a former husband, they mourned me and now they see a shadow of my former self, a self which doesn't remember them. My feelings for them are...complicated, especially Capt. Addison."

The counselor held up his hand. "In that, you can rest assured. If those memories do decide to resurface, it will be at your time and pace. I would not seek to force you into an attempted recollection, as that would be highly unethical. I apologize for your prior experiences that resulted in such backwards treatment." His eyes crinkle, sympathetic.

Rin took another sip. That was her life summary, a collection of facts relating to her existence. That was the easy part.

"People are still scared of me. 17 years later, this is still the first thing people see," she continued, pointing to the implants around her eye with a hand also bearing external implants. "And they think their fear is reasonable and that I should just put up with it - which I have, and which I'm tired of doing. Why is it reasonable? I never chose to be her, and I certainly have no wish to go back. So why do I have to suffer from her reputation? When do I get to be my own person?"

"It is linear," Rael corrected softly. "That does not make it reasonable. In this office, at least, you need not concern yourself with that. I am not afraid of you. I do not doubt you are altered from what you once were in a very dramatic manner, but I see a capable, oriented, sentient being in front of me. And you get to be that, as many times as you choose to be that. What others see is not always something that we can control, but you are not required to accept discompassionate behavior."

"That's the basic conclusion I've come to. My objections may not be subtle. I'm not good on subtle. So, what else would you like to know?"

"At this juncture my primary query is very simple: these sessions are regrettably required, and I'd like to use them to benefit you. Whether that looks like doing therapy or merely having a place to vent about what's going on around you for a little while every month-I'd like to formulate a plan for treatment that you're somewhat comfortable with, and that feels reasonable to you. Does that make sense?"

"I've been doing this 7 years. I'm used to it. And I do not object to it. There are things I know I fail at. Socializing being chief among them, which is a universal problem for xBs. That part of our brain was rewired. But that is an attempt to better myself, not recreate a personality I may have once had."

"Tell me a bit about that. Socializing, how that looks for you right now. The kinds of issues that you encounter."

"I don't do small talk. I find it difficult to initiate casual conversation. I suppose I just don't care about a lot of the inconsequential things others do, or I don't consider it my business. Like 'hi, how are the kids?' Kids are important, but why would I randomly ask that, unless there was reason for concern? I don't understand those sorts of interactions."

"I currently only socialize with one member of the crew: Lt. Myne Redal, which is an....interesting relationship. At least one of us manages to offend the other every time we meet, but we always apologize and make up. I really don't understand how we work - her hyperactivity is maddening some days - but somehow we do."

Um, so, Rael let out a huff of air that on any other species would be an outright laugh. "I'm familiar with Lieutenant Redal," he smiled, eyes crinkled at the corners. "I think she's an absolutely excellent friend for you-you strike me as someone very cerebral and rooted in logic and reason, whereas she is more sensate and immediate. It is a good balance-but I imagine it's quite challenging at times."

"I'm not sure xBs can be anything other than rooted in logic. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. I enjoy working with facts and figures, but I recognize it hampers socialization. How do Vulcans deal with it?"

"My answers are my own," Rael made sure to clarify. "I was not raised on Vulcan and I follow a different set of logical and ethical beliefs to most Vulcans. To me, it is logical. To others, it may be less so. What is beneficial is often logical. As such, socialization falls within that sphere. I behave in a prosocial manner because it maximizes the potential of the relationships I form with others. When people regard one another with mutual respect and positivity, it makes interactions more pleasant and meaningful. And not everyone socializes the same way. Surface speech is only one component of socialization."

Rin just shrugs, unsure what more there is to say.

"And it sounds like from what you've said, expanding your repertoire of social skills is important to you. Is that something you'd like to focus on with these sessions?"

"Yes, I very much would like that."

"That seems like it would be a very good starting point," Rael murmured. "So ultimately I'd like to get a baseline of how socialization happens for you now. So between now and our next appointment, I'd like to assign you a couple of tasks, just to have this in the back of your mind. Would that be all right?"

Rin nods.

"The first is that I'd like you to try and keep a journal. It doesn't have to be an essay or a big slog, but reflecting on what socialization actually means to you, why it's important, what an ideal social outcome would be-that kind of thing, it'll help hone our focus. The other aspect is I'd like you to try and jot down some examples of positive and negative social interactions that you have between now and our next appointment. It can be as few or as many as you want to examine-and we'll go through it all next time."

"I can do that. Anything else?"

"I think we can leave it there for today, that was a lot to have to get through," Rael smiled gently. "Let me schedule your next appointment and then you can get out of here." He moved to his terminal to bring up his organizer and picked out a date that seemed it would mutually work for them both. "I'll see you then, all right?" his eyebrows arced as he held the PADD out to her.

"Yes. I'll try to have something for you by then. Thank you."

OFF:

Lieutenant Rin
Chief Intelligence Officer
USS Elysium

Lieutenant JG Rael
Counselor
USS Elysium