"The tell tale heart"

Posted on Sat Apr 1st, 2023 @ 6:55pm by Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D.

Mission: Season 6: Episode 2: Survival
Location: Planet side
816 words - 1.6 OF Standard Post Measure

Tate took a deep breath and surveyed her surroundings. The space that had been created to educate and entertain the children planet side wasn't much, but it would do until and unless they found a better way forward. She made sure there was a place for every child to sit, and although individualized desks were replaced with long tables, every child had a place to be, facing a central hub that either she found herself, or that others who had served as teachers did. Nothing was normal about this particular situation, but Tate was determined to create as much normalcy as possible.

Supplies were limited, of course, but Sullivan had managed to ensure there were bits of paper and things passing as art supplies for the children to use. These were children who had become accustomed to having technology to educate and entertain them, and even though Tate was confident it wasn't the technology that was the key to learning, she knew she had to provide some way for the children to express themselves. Naturally, talking about what what happened to them and to the entire crew was one way to help them process events and to feel safe, but art and play hello always allowed children to express things that words simply could not.

Hell, art and play could also help adults express themselves after trauma, which was why Sullivan found herself looking down on an empty sheet of paper. She told herself of course that she needed to create an example for the lesson planned later that day, but afterward, she would realize that wasn't entirely true. Sullivan had never been the sort of therapist who put a lot of stock in subconscious motives, but afterward, she would find it funny that without realizing it, she had provided her own therapy of sorts.

In the moment, however, there was just the work. Tate could imagine herself offering instructions even as her hands began to sketch on the paper as her inner voice silently directed her to "Think of at least four feelings you have felt lately. Try to pick out the most common feelings, but don't be afraid to consider all of the things you have felt, whether pleasant or not. Take a few minutes to reflect on these emotions and to identify words to describe them. The words don't have to be special or proper, they only have to have meaning to you."

After two minutes of thought, Tate realized there were only three emotions that dominated her heart: fear, gratitude, and sadness. She wrote them down, letting her fingers lazily and somewhat sloppily scrawl the letters across the page, taking surprising pleasure in hand writing. Life on starships meant writing by computer. She couldn't remember the last time she had actually had to sign her name or write anything by hand, end it surprised her she even remembered how.

Her inner instructor continued, "Next, pick a different color for each of your identified emotions. Place a dot or some sort of mark in your chosen color next to each listed emotion. The goal is to know which color represents each emotion for the next part of the project." Once again, Tate took a moment to consider her options and her chosen colors. Fear would be represented by yellow, sadness by the color red, and gratitude by the color purple. The first two colors were not commonly associated with the identified emotions. Many people associated the color yellow with happiness and optimism and the color red with boldness and confidence. Red and yellow were her least favorite colors, but today, she took pleasure in creating lines next to each emotion in heavy red and yellow. With the purple, she was more delicate, taking her time to color in a more or less perfectly drawn rectangle next to the word "gratitude."

Taking a moment to survey her work and to exhale, her inner instructor continued. "Once you've chosen your colors, turn the page over and draw a heart. Once you've drawn the heart, color the heart using the colors you've chosen."

For the next five minutes, Tate allowed herself to get lost in her project, letting her mind wander, not taking too much time to consider her choices. She enjoyed letting her hands take over and just getting lost in the simple act of drawing and coloring. By the time she was done, her darkly outlines heart covered the entire backside of the page. Yellow and red were featured in the lower half of the heart and were definitely the heaviest colors, recalling how hard she pressed down against the paper, not caring if splashes of yellow or red went outside the lines. By far, however, purple dominated the image.

Yes, she felt fear and she felt grief, but overshadowing all of that, was gratitude. The title of her masterpiece? The tell tale heart.