Clear the static in, the static in my mind

Posted on Thu Nov 9th, 2023 @ 6:53pm by Lieutenant Myne Redal

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: Operations Hub
Timeline: Beta Shift
2003 words - 4 OF Standard Post Measure

//ON//

It's just another day gathering my thoughts
Determining what's crazy and what's not
It's all the same to me
Where is the variety

The young Trill sways from side to side gently as she hyper focuses on her desk. The monitors around her office have been repaired, finally. All connected to her PADD, which sits kingly on her desk, each monitor displaying a different set of data stream, stopping randomly and making a sort of buzz to draw her attention.

But the song in raging in her mind blasts too loud for the poor monitors to even have the slightest chance to be heard. The room is quiet, aside from the monitors' failed attempts at attention. But in the Trill's mind, the songs blasts as if at the concert, so loud to hurt the ear drums. Memory of the song, listened to... lifetimes ago, cascading furiously into her mind without anyone to stop it. Invading her senses as she works... at something...

Inactive like candle without a flame
I'm colorblind, with only me to blame
It's time to change my mind again
It's time to watch the sameness end

Redal has always been peculiar. Since the beginning, since before... since from the start... since... the pools. Passing from host to host like a traveler through lifetimes. Each host a new vessel, a new evolution, a building block, one on top of the other. Faces appear and melt away in the span of a fraction of a second. For that is what a lifetime is, isn't it? A century is a hour, a decade a minute, a year a second and days... not even worth feeling as they pass in a rush to be drowned in irrelevance by the ages.

Slender fingers tap on the PADD, on the ARK, eyes glued to it. The table to the back corner of the office poorly hides its purpose as a repurposed bunk, a old... very old... over a century old duffel bag rests just below with the meager belongings Redal has ever cared to carry around. The office serving as a quarters as well as a work place.

I'm feeling like a broken record here
Playing the chorus over until I disappear
I've grown so tired of stray thoughts that leave me blind
Oh, the static in, the static in my mind

The song keeps blasting away. When has he heard it last? He? No, that is not right, he is not a he anymore. The faces have changed again. When was a he a he last? Ah right, when he was Sudra Redal. Now that... that was a... well not good, but decent life. Productive at least. Sure, the faces at the time, her... with the gorgeous eyes, the lovely hair, the sweet scent... and the little one. Also a her, so... perfect despite... being one of the faces.

Redal had cared deeply about them, almost enough to put aside the Task to the side. To lay the Great Work to rest in order to explore... what did She call it? Ah right, happiness. Such a elusive... concept. Sudra was, what was he again? Ah right, he was the ninth. The closest Redal had ever been to happiness, or to the ideal of it. Until the Borg of course.

Both of the faces, the she that elicited such strong, unbridled emotions from him and the little ones for whom Redal had been bent to face the stars themselves... were gone... just like that. They are still probably around, it makes sense, it is only... logical. Drones on some cube somewhere, lost for eternity in a hell without chance for escape.

It's just a conversation with myself
This time I'll put the memoirs on the shelf
I'm building better worlds, I'll make a difference this time
Clear the static in, the static in my mind

Happiness... such a foolish thing. So useless in the grand scheme of things. You let it distract you for a while and then the work suffers. The goal falters. He had found the taste of intoxicants... Sudra... he had been weak. And the faces around him failed at... being there. Redal had already forgotten them, names, features, everything. They served no more a useful purpose, not that they ever did, leaving Sudra to fall into that downward spiral.

Or so he thought... he had to remember that even then... without the two small faces that he lost, Sudra had been singularly minded in his work. Not like Vede or Kajan. Vede Redal and Kajan Redal, how he enjoyed being them. Sure the work suffered somewhat... but damn... it had been so much... FUN! So exciting, so wonderful... if only the faces of those seconds of lifetimes had not been so close minded. Or afraid... or jealous... after all Vede saw daggers and threats around every concern, in every shadow... in every face... how could the faces not be afraid when he took them apart?

It's just another way to find out who I am
Pushing on when no one says I can
What do they know anyway
I've made it where I am today

The song keeps blasting away. Who was he when he heard it first? Ah Vede, right right. During that one raid on a Human colony. Humans... so... amusing... so self centered and self important. One would think they worship at the altar of themselves. The race destined to rule all because of pretended and false morality, born out of a brutal iron fist covered in silk.

So much hubris. He can feel his hate boiling inside of him towards the foolishness of Humanity and their Terran centered infection of everything around them. What was that? What... is that? That feeling? Wait... he is not a he right now, is he?

The hands stop and turn towards the eyes staring down at the Ark, then turn again and again on both sides. They are slender, lithe... feminine. Ah yes... the faces have changed again. There is the Borg face that is so very much annoying. But it makes sense now, that feeling inside nagging at him, making him doubt. He is not a he anymore, he is a she now.

The sameness never hurts, I'm just little bored
I've been connected but it's time to cut the cord
I'm feeling so alive again
I'm feeling like I know I can

What is this she's name? Ah Myne... Myne something. The pitiful she-thing not even worth bearing the name Redal. Always struggling against him. Myne what? Come on, it just a stupid name of a worthless face. Oh right... just a name of a face, of course it is too unimportant to remember. NERAL!! Myne Neral... hah... it even rhymes. Redal Neral. Humorous.

The pitiful she-thing with the broken, shattered mind. Who sees sounds, speaks colors and hears time... such a malleable mind... such a perfect mold... if only it did not resist him... her... so much!! How could she do her work with this she-thing getting in the way all the time? And all the annoying faces butting in to help build it up over and over again!

At least the damnable little monstrosities the she-thing had built were blown away. She never liked them, such a miss use of the Ark. The she-thing wasted so much time on frivolous pursuits, such as... gah, bleh... friends. How could the she-thing make... friends... become attached of... the faces? Doesn't the she-thing know they will all die soon? If their own idiocy doesn't take them, then time will. While she... Redal... will keep moving on... to the next vessel...

So what's next
Let's check
Out of this place
I've erased
From a ghost haunting
Empty space

What... was that? Redal jerks back in her chair and stares around the room. The song keeps blasting in her ears and one of the monitors goes dark. Staring into it brings concern. Why... why now? Why... why you?! Such an old face... should the she-thing Myne be in that reflection?

Why are you here... Iza? Iza fucking Redal. The first face, the first to break. Iza... how are you Iza? How is your fragile mind? Still gripped by sheer, unbridled dementia and insanity? Hahahaahha, oh Iza you were wonderful, we were wonderful, such artists. It was such a pleasure being you, being one, being more. So... so much more. Even the way we parted was special.

But why though, why are you here... now?

Not alone
No one's home
In this vacant shell
Feeling new
Fresh, renewed
Let's raise a little hell

As Redal gets up to approach the monitor, to touch it, grinning with Myne's face at the reflection of the first host, something... hits her chest. Is it a hit... or a reaction? Redal falls back into the chair as Iza's insane, unbridled smile leers at her. Oh ho ho ho, you old hag, feisty are you?

Feeling like quite a broken record today, aren't we? Hahaha, at the very least this is fun, isn't it she-object? Gah, the pain... stop fighting me so much! STOP!! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ONE!! Useless face!! I will not remember you when a new vessel shall make himself or herself known to me.

What is happening?! Gah, the pain... why... why now? Arms wrap around the middle, over the symbiont and hug tightly, Redal buckling at the waist. Grunting and heaving as she looks with furious eyes at the monitor and Iza's reflection. Stop... grinning... you demented whore!!

Here dawns a new day
Where I can live a better way
Without all the static
Without all the pain
Without all the crossed wires
Here in my brain

Myne snapped back, fingers off the Ark as she looked around her. Turning to her right she looked at the same monitor. The memory of seeing Iza there... but the monitor works just fine. Looking down at herself, she feels... fine.

What was that though? A day dream? Or did it really happen? The song is still in her ears, she is even humming it as she was when... something happen. Or did it? Turning around to look around the room in confusion Myne sighs and holds a hand over her stomach, over Redal.

"Be a good worm for once. We have too much work to do and I do not have time, for your nonsense." Myne smile and sat back down in her chair and returned to work. Humming the song as she stopped to lean back in her seat and look up at the ceiling for a long moment.

Her smile grew to being dangerous as her hand returns to her stomach, back to Redal. "Call my darlings monstrosities one more time, and I will gut you out of me you parasite." With a playful chuckle and her smile returning to being her usual adorable one, Myne started to sway in her seat and hum the song happily as she resumed her work.

I'm feeling like a broken record here
Playing the chorus over 'til I disappear
I've grown so tired of stray thoughts that leave me blind
Clear the static in, the static in my mind

She still had... half a shift to go... and then drinks with a few friends. She still has to try to at least make the effort to sleep in her cabin tonight. If not Rin will be so upset with her. And that would make Rin sad most likely, and Myne hated making Rin sad.

Only smiles for RinRin, her bestest friend in the whole galaxy and beyond. Myne smiled warmly and felt strangely at peace, the insanity... the dream... or whatever that was... fading away quickly. The memories that flooded her from lifetimes before her, lives lived, lives lost, lives passed, going away to leave her be. To leave her as Myne Redal.

The best damn friend she can ever be to those she loves.

//OFF//

Lieutenant Myne Redal
Assistant Chief Operations Officer
USS Elysium