"Strong at the broken places"

Posted on Fri Sep 27th, 2019 @ 2:00pm by Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D. & Lieutenant Commander Aurelia Taylor

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: Sick Bay/Other Locations
Timeline: Some time after, "And then there were four"
2544 words - 5.1 OF Standard Post Measure

Approaching the private room that had been set aside for Lia, Tate took a slow breath before entering. She was most grateful in this moment to be serving aboard a ship with sizable medical facilities that allowed people to be treated individually, not just in a vast ward. Of course, they would not know what had been done to each captive immediately, but there was no shortage of information about the Romulans and their torture tactics, certainly more than enough to speculate in this situation.

In a matter of seconds, Tate's heart sank as she knew at least part of her speculation was now a likely probability, if not a fact . She needed only to meet the passing nurse's eyes to know at a minimum one person had likely not been able to escape the sexual violence that many in the Federation believed was a thing of the past, or at the very least not a regular practice on any civilized planet associated with the Federation. Sullivan wanted to be proven wrong. She wanted to believe her suggestions the rescued captives not be swarmed by personnel the minute they arrived was merely done out of an over abundance of caution, but she couldn't ignore history or her own intuition.

She entered the room carefully, gingerly, her voice soft. She knew any potentially life-threatening injuries would've been dealt with, but anything requiring more delicate attention, anything requiring documentation, had been delegated to her. This, regrettably, was one of the circumstances in which her dual training as a doctor and a therapist more beneficial. "May I come in?"

Lia sat on a chair in a corner, even after her little to do with Anje, Rebecca's legacy lived on in her head. Her head turned as Tate entered, somehow she fully expected to see a Romulan to walk in and order her out and strip. "Oh it's you Lieutenant, sure come on in. I don't bite, just because I was kept as a pet. I like to think I'm house trained, but who knows".

Tate didn't know exactly what kind of response she was expecting, but whatever it was, it wasn't what she got. She couldn't decide if the other woman's response reflected a healthy honesty about what she had been through or if it was just a glimpse of the deeper trauma. They were going to have to feel their way through this together. She approached and offered gently, "I'm sure your experiences have affected you in many ways, but I have no doubt, what really matters is fully intact."

She paused, then added, "I've been asked to help treat and document your injuries. The last thing any of us want to do is subject you to anything more intrusive, but I care about you and want to make sure your needs are taken care of, including your medical needs. I promise to explain everything I'm doing and if there's anything you don't want me to do, just say so. Is that OK with you?"

"Ok with me?" Lia cast a sideways look at the Lieutenant, "Have you any idea what I've just gone through?". She now stood up and approached Tate, "You want to take care of my needs, my medical problems. Was I affected by being kept as a sexual pet? But what matters is fully intact?" Lia's anger was slowly rising, "Have you ever been in the situation where another being has control of your body? They tell you when to eat, sleep, even when you can have a sexual experience". She stopped short and returned to her chair, "I sold myself to an Orion brothel, just to get closure. I went and met with an Orion agent took latinum and sold myself, and do you know what? I was willing to go, I was willing to return to that hell because I feel that's where I belong. You got an answer to that Lieutenant?" Lia stared hard at Sullivan, could this mouse of a woman really help her?

The first thing Tate felt upon hearing her response was relief. Lia was openly expressing her anger, not suppressing it, which ultimately boded well for her recovery. Naturally, Tate didn't take her outburst personally. Therapists had to be safe havens for people to express their feelings, especially when the desired targets of their hurt and anger were unavailable. Still, this wasn't going to be easy. "You're right, I haven't been through what you have and I don't know how you feel. What I know is you don't deserve to suffer anymore than you already have, and the longer you keep all of this inside, the longer the people who hurt you get to continue to torture you from light-years away." More softly, she added, "I also know you aren't the bad guy in any of this and that whatever you did, you did to survive. It's going to take some time for you to get used to having complete autonomy over your life again, but it starts with deciding whether I can examine you."

Lia snapped a response, "Examine me? In what way examine me?" The very words sounded like strip you bitch, to Lia's ears. Once again almost robotically she found herself begin to stand and undress, with a strength of will she didn't know she had she stopped herself going any further. Her blouse hung in her hand, "Take a good look Lieutenant, this is what your working with. You sure you want to even try?" Lia spat the words out, her disgust with herself etched in every word. How could she be Chief of Security like this? One word from the wrong person, and she could end up stark naked allowing that individual free will to do to her as they please. She sat back down, the chair being pushed further into the corner where Lia had placed it. Looking at Sullivan Lia then looked at the floor, "I'm broken, my sexuality means nothing. My body isn't mine anymore, it's public property to use when anyone else feels like it". The whispered words fell from her mouth, the shame burned bright in her soul. Tears began forming in her eye's, she bit them back. "Just write me off as a lost cause, there's no way back for me. Not now, not ever".

Despite Sullivan's experience working with trauma survivors and with being regularly confronted with the worst experiences any sentient beings could endure, hearing the words always broke her heart. No matter how experienced she was at containing another's pain, it always felt like she was doing so for the first time. She took a quiet steadying breath and moved closer to Lia, still mindful of not boxing her in anymore than she already had been. She resisted the urge to make physical contact with her of any kind without permission, but the human being into her who is not a therapist wanted nothing more than to embrace Lia. "I don't accept that, but more importantly, I don't think you accept it either. If you really believed that, you would've let them kill you or you would've chosen to kill yourself. You fought to stay alive, Lia, and that took tremendous strength. If you're willing to let me in, you don't have to face this alone. I will be right here with you, every step of the way, but only you can make that choice."

Listening to Tate, Lia felt she didn't understand. She had sold her self into sexual slavery, a death sentence for a Human who was a masochist. Lia raised her eye's to look at Tate, "Do you know what the Orion Syndicate labeled me as? A kinky doll, have you any idea what a kinky doll is? A kinky doll is a masochistic female who lets anyone do anything they want to them, for a Human female it's a death sentence. So your argument about not excepting my being a lost cause, is flawed". She pulled herself away from the approaching Tate, she had Gary to cling to he knew what she was. He would support her, he'd said so. "I don't mean to offend you Lieutenant, but how can you fully understand what a masochist is prepared to go through just to gain sexual relief. We let sadistic perverts abuse our bodies, our genitalia and other parts of our body become toy's for those sadists". Her face burned red with embarrassment, just saying the words made her feel even less of a person and more of a sexual toy.

Her voice was soft and gentle. "I hear you speak of the horrible things you 'let' happen, Lia, but I don't recall you or anyone else choosing to be tortured and sexually assaulted by the Romulans in the first place. I don't believe you woke up that day wanting to be held against your will. Nothing you have said offends me and I want you to know I'm not judging you. You've said it yourself. There were things you did to bring yourself relief and to survive in unimaginable circumstances. Whatever your sexual proclivities, I haven't heard you say you wanted any of this to happen or even that being a masochist means a person doesn't have the right to say no to anyone at any time."

Tate's reply made Lia take a sharp intake of breath, "I don't want to be a Masochist, I've fought this all my life. First my Father, then boyfriends who found out and finally the Romulans who because of the fact I couldn't get away. Forced and coerced me into accepting that I'm just a toy for other people, they have implanted trigger words that mean when I hear them I surrender myself to who ever used them. You yourself used one of those trigger words, and you saw the result. I began to remove my clothing, my brain reacted instantly to the word". She turned into the corner, "How do I stop that happening? How do I start to behave like a normal Human being again?" Shame and tears now overwhelmed her, and Lia Holmes broke down. The dark pit before her seemed to grow larger, and she seemed to fade even more.

Although Sullivan kept her outward composure, inside her emotions continued to be at war with one another. The professional in her knew she couldn't act rashly in seeking to offer physical comfort. She also knew she couldn't pretend to have knowledge she didn't possess. The truth was, she wasn't an expert on the kind of mind control Lia spoke of, but that didn't mean Tate wasn't going to move heaven and earth to learn how and to seek support from those who did know. Meanwhile, the compassionate and sentient being that was simply witnessing another person's suffering wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around Lia. To leave her standing in the corner seemed unconscionable, so she decided to compromise. "We are going to figure this out together, Lia. I am not giving up on you and I hope you won't give up on yourself. You recognized that trigger, and that will always be the first step." She paused then, offering, "I'd like to hug you… Would that be OK?" It was perhaps an odd request, but out of respect for what she'd been through, Tate didn't want to take any liberties or assume anything.

Trying to sniff back the tears she wiped her eye's, "Hug Me? Why?" Lia looked at the floor, "You don't know how to help do you? Lia Holmes has baffled the medical profession, so where do we go from here?" She couldn't get any further into the corner, the only way out was forward. "Looks like I may have to take that hug after all, I want out of this corner". Lia was starting to shake, her whole body seemed to be shaking it's self apart. "What's wrong with me? Why am I shaking like this?"

When Holmes said she would need to accept the hug to get out of the corner, Tate hesitated. The last thing she wanted was to make anyone think going home would be conditional, especially upon physical contact. When the shaking began, however, Sullivan knew the time for second guessing was over. She came forward, wrapping both her arms around the other woman, being careful not to squeeze too tightly but also maintaining a secure hold. "I believe it's the adrenaline," she explained. "There's only so long a body can endure such chronic stress before it begins to react. I'm here, Lia. I'm right here, and we are going to figure this out together."

Taking a deep breath, Lia now whispered her opinion. "I'm going to go back to DS9, place myself under Dr. Bashir. He helped me once when I had another sexual problem, I was frigid towards men. A safety blanket he called it, perhaps he can help with this. I'm not saying you wouldn't find a way of helping me, it's just I have a job to do. I can't wait while we both look for it, sorry Lieutenant". She heard Tate's heart beat, and remembered when she once heard Gary's heartbeat. That happy event now seemed light years away, "Will you help me get a temporary transfer to DS9? Please?"

The request took Tate completely off guard and her first instinct was to resist. Holmes had been through repeated sexual violence and torture. Chalking that up to being frigid seemed not just overly simplistic but indicative of victim blaming. Sullivan also knew there was no such thing as a quick fix and while she would never deny someone access to care if someone else had more effective treatment, no matter Bashir's reputation, she had to be confident Lia would be well cared for. "I promise to consider it." She continued to embrace her. "How about we take care of the wounds we can see, hmm?"

Lia nodded in agreement, "If you think you can, then lets go for it. I need to end this, thankyou for not giving up Lieutenant." She allowed the woman to hold on to her, even as she wanted to run. Perhaps if she got to DS9 and Bashir helped her, this woman here could be a link to keep her straight. "Ah Lieutenant, could I make a request? When I return from DS9, will you help me? Will you lend an ear if I need it?"

Upon hearing the question, Tate released Lia but moved back just far enough to look into her eyes. "Of course I will. I'll be honest, I don't like the idea of you going away after what you've been through, but if we both can be confident you can be helped on Deep Space 9, I am not going to stand in your way. Never forget this is your home, however, and no matter your struggles, you matter to all of us." Sullivan turned back and reached for her tricorder, "Now, this exam isn't the easiest to get through, but I will be with you every step of the way." With that, Sullivan set to work.




Commander Lia Holmes
Chief Security/Tactical Officer
USS Elysium

Lieutenant Tate Sullivan, Ph.D.
Assistant Chief Counselor
.