Survivor's Guilt

Posted on Tue Oct 13th, 2020 @ 9:04am by Lieutenant JG Ryan Kade III

Mission: SEASON 4: Episode 1: Know Thy Self!
Location: USS Elysium - Deck 12, Ryan Kade's Quarters
Timeline: MD5 - 0600
734 words - 1.5 OF Standard Post Measure

Ryan stepped inside as the doors opened, coming to a perfect parade stop and rest. His boots padded into place on the floor mat, side by side. The door closed behind him. The breath was still held in his chest as he reached sideways for the lock on the door. He tapped it, and the button beeped twice, his hand still shaking as he exhaled in response.

The security officer fell back against his room’s door, sliding down it unevenly like a ragdoll. He usually took off his badge and pips and boots in a specific order, cleaning and organizing them before placing them just-so, ready for the next shift; not this time. For the first time in his career, Ryan Kade the Third couldn’t be bothered.

What the hell just happened?

Well, that wasn’t good, he was cursing- that wasn’t like him, either. But who could blame him, right? He’d barely had time to get settled in on the Elysium before all hell broke loose. Mirror universes? Tyrannical empires? Slave traders?

His thoughts shifted to the Andorian woman he’d found in the brig, her whole body and mind molded into a puppet for the Terrans through some sort of torture device. He felt terrible just thinking about it.

Then there were others he’d met while on that station… T'kek, the medic. Morgan, the group leader. S'hib, a fellow security officer. Miraj, the pilot. Right. She was the one who kept taking her shoes off in the middle of a crisis.

I never did ask her what that was all about, did I? He mused.

She’d been tortured, too. Those mirror universe people weren’t just dastardly, they were downright evil. And there he was, the straight-laced self-proclaimed protector of the Federation, not even a scratch on him. He’d barely even factored into the whole ordeal. What did he accomplish while all the others were fighting and dying?

Nothing. He thought, beating himself down. A whole lotta n-

Beep.

The universe conspired to bring him back to his senses, a light shining at his console across the room. Ryan’s eyes focused and he saw text popping in and out.

3 New Messages

His heart lurched as he realized he’d forgotten something. His family must’ve been trying to contact him! Ryan started to get up, then tripped on the floor mat his heels had dislodged a moment earlier during his sulking. He scrambled to get back up and moved to the desk. He pushed the chair to the side, not even bothering with it as he logged into the console.

He sighed with relief, seeing the names of his parents scroll across the sender bar in the first message.

“Hello, handsome son of mine!” His mom’s words began the letter in earnest. She wondered about his health and whereabouts, told him a bit about her camping trip, and went on about a new cookie recipe involving apples.

The tension in his body slowly melted away. Ryan could feel himself smile a little in response to her blissful ignorance. Love you, Mom…

The second message was from his grandparents. They sent their own version of events about the family camping trip, as well as a warning about the apple recipe. Gran-gran called mom a mad scientist, claiming too much cinnamon in the mix.

As usual, the women wrote everything in these letters and the men just nodded and agreed. Smart guys.

…

Ryan sent a hand up through his hair, closing his eyes after recognizing what the third message was. His other hand found his hip and he leaned side to side for a moment, wondering if he really wanted to read it. He finally made up his mind, downloading the message to his PADD and reaching sideways for the desk chair, swiveling it into himself. His body plopped down onto the seat in the middle of its’ travel, his body weight adding to the momentum as the chair kept spinning and moving a little further.

The heir to the Kade family name forced himself to sit up, bringing the PADD within reading distance of his face. His finger tapped the message and it opened, revealing something both terrible and sobering: a list of Elysium casualties.

He would read them all.