What’s Left To Hold On To

Posted on Fri Apr 23rd, 2021 @ 3:52am by Lieutenant Baeryn Whavi-Tonelly & Captain David Tonelly [Reece]

Mission: Challenge Missions
Location: Operations Department
Timeline: 1534 hours (three days later)
5682 words - 11.4 OF Standard Post Measure

Baeryn entered Operations at last after a grueling uneventful day on the bridge. The issue was that with no issues, she was forced to think about her own issues that caused even more issues around her, and so on.

It had been three days since she left Corporal Tonelly’s quarters in the middle of the night. Three days of constant guilt weighing down on her for what she did. She had yet to return his PADD to him. Not that it really mattered, she was sure he had already gotten another one to use. She was a coward for procrastinating, knowing damn well the glitch in the system had been dealt with first thing the following morning. When her assistant questioned her about closing the work order she had given him some excuse about wanting to make sure she had fully rendered the blip resolved before closing it. He saw right through her but didn’t push the subject.

Sitting at her desk, she opened a drawer and pulled out the PADD. Setting it on the desk, directly to her right, so that she was unable to ignore it any longer. With a sudden gush of bravery she closed the work order and sent word to the Corporal that he could retrieve the device at his convenience. Part of her, a very very small part of her, hoped he hated her enough to not come at all.

The night she left she hadn’t realized his dog tags were still around her neck, hidden under his shirt that she wore. Those dog tags were now a heavy weight in her pocket. Subconsciously she pulled the tags out, her fingers running over the raised letters of his name. There wasn’t a moment in the last three days they weren’t within arms reach. If not around her neck, then they were in her pocket, or on her night stand. She told herself it was so that she could return them the moment she saw him again, but she was only lying to herself. After getting lost in her own mind for a while she shoved them into the drawer of her desk and slammed it shut and began mulling over engineering assignments awaiting her approval.

The last three days were hell for David. The guy usually the first to every formation, in smartly pressed uniforms and highly polished boots...

He had been late to nearly each formation, wearing wrinkled uniforms and dull boots. He had also stopped shaving. He now had a beard that was nearly two inches long. As the Elysium was currently in a peaceful setting, his superiors had been partially forgiving to his state, thinking that it had something to do with the quickly approaching anniversary of his world’s destruction by the Borg. Command had set out special dispensation for any El Aurian crew. During this most uncomfortable time of the year, they were given a bit of leeway, but within a certain standard. And David was getting very close to breaking that standard.

He was doing reports, albeit half-heartedly, in his quarters, when the call came in that Lieutenant Whavi had his repaired PADD and he should come claim it at his earliest convenience.

Sighing, he decided that it was time. He hadn’t heard from her since she left. And now, the first message he receives is simply about his PADD. Sighing, he stood and left his quarters, which hadn’t been cleaned since she left them. Why clean? He was all alone in the universe. What did it matter? He entered the nearest turbo lift and made his way to her office.

Upon entering Lieutenant Whavi’s office, David saw her and snapped to attention, well, snapped is an over exaggeration. He sloppily moved his feet together. “Corporal David Tonelly, reporting as ordered, Ma’am.” His voice was devoid any joy, nearly any feeling at all. He didn’t look at her. He didn’t deserve to look upon her beautiful face. And those hypnotically beautiful obsidian eyes. But, that was not to be any more. He was alone. Now and forever.

The lifeless sound of his voice when he addressed her as Ma’am made her cringe, but it was nothing compared to the plummet her stomach took when she finally looked up at David. The man standing before her couldn’t be the same one she spent the night with only days ago. He looked older, his eyes had lost their sheen, leaving them a dull gray instead of the ocean blue she loved.

She had done this. This was what happened to someone when they got too close to her. She was a succubus. A monster. And she hated herself for it.

Rising from her chair she took the PADD in her hand, hesitantly, she circled the desk until she stood before him. The weight of the despair was almost enough to bring her to her knees and beg him to forgive her what she had done. She leaned against the front of the desk, more for support then anything, and extended her arm, offering him the PADD. Wishing desperately she could offer him more then this silly little piece of tech. Wishing she could give him back everything she stole from him.

“The sniper program was somehow infected, the source of the glitch, I installed a new program that will prevent any future malfunctions, should you want to try again.” Baeryn’s eyes never left his face, she was mentally begging him to look at her, she just needed one glimpse of reassurance that he was better without her.

Reaching out, David took hold of the small device. Reflexively, his index finger gently rubbed against Baeryn's. While he still looked directly ahead, a tear suddenly burst free from his left eye, flowing down his cherk, followed by more. "Thank you, Ma'am," he replied, choking up. He desperately wanted to look down into her beautiful eyes, but, to do that would cause him to loose all control and take her in his arms, never to release her. "Will there be anything else, Ma'am?" He qas fighting a flood of emotions as he spoke.

She had to fix this, but how? Oh how she hated how she called him ma’am, more so then anyone else. She wanted to hear her name on his tongue, not some impersonal title. She wanted to see his smile again, hear his laugh, see those eyes light up and sparkle with joy. What she was faced with was the shell of the man she had left in that room.

Baeryn hadn’t released the PADD yet, they stood there both hands connected only by the small device. Putting on a brave face she grinned, a feline grin, and tilted her head to the side still looking at his face. “I don’t know solider you tell me.”

Finally unable to hold back any more, David looked down into those deep pools. He took in several deep breaths, seeing her smile at him! Maybe...maybe there was still hope. His features broke from the stoicism that he was putting up as a front. The corner of his mouth jerked up as he replied. "I'm not a soldier any more. I'm a MARINE!" He swallowed, his eyes breaking contact and going to the deck. "What...what did I do wrong?" He asked in a whisper.

"And I'm not a Ma'am," she shrugged playfully. She let go of the PADD, frowning when he looked away again. "You did nothing wrong David, you're perfect." The air in the room felt like it was at a standstill, like it was waiting, watching how this played out.

Looking back up, David had a confused look on his face. Some of the color also reentered his cheeks. "But..." shaking his head he stepped away, clutching the PADD so tightly, it actually creaked a little. His back to Baeryn he asked, "If you think I'm perfect, then why did you do what you did and leave me like that?" There was a hint of anger in the undertones of his voice. The air started to have a slight static charge feel to it.

Good she thought, he should be angry, he should hate her. The shift in the air didn't go unnoticed, her brows furrowed at it, sensing it. "You deserve better." She crossed her arms over her chest, she wasn't afraid of him, or the anger she could feel building. Baeryn knew this was her fault, but she hadn't been aware that she would have affected him so, even days later. "I'm not...who or what you think I am." The worse monster sat at the tip of her tongue, tainting her mouth with its foulness.

Turning back to face the woman who held his heart in her teeth, David's eyes seemed to be almost an electric blue in hue. "I think..." he said with a little force, "That you are the woman that I have been looking for my whole life up to this point." He straightened up to his full height, the sound of joints and tendons popping could be heard.

"I think...that of all the women I have been with over the centuries, you are the only one that I truly connected to. You are the one that I am supposed to be with, to be whole, for the first damn time in my long, miserably lonely, life. What makes you think that I am wrong? Tell me now, or tell me to leave. The choice is yours. I love you, Baeryn Whavi. I have always loved you, even before you were born. I just didn't know it was you, until you walked into my quarters. And, no matter what happens, I will always love you. So choose. Tell me why you feel that I am wrong, or tell me to leave."

Baeryns blood began to sing when she saw the electric flash in his eyes. Her heart was telling her she needed to push him away again, to tell him to leave and forget he ever met her but her body was at odds with her heart, her mind. Like she was being pulled in separate directions, towards him, away from him. She fought the urge to curl up and back away, instead she straightened her spine, shoulders standing tall. Her expression shifted into a stern one, locking those fierce black eyes on his. Something about his anger, his words, that look in his eyes, made her crave him. More then she thought she could. Her eyes dipped down to the beard he had grown over the last few days and a heat started in her core. The heat only he brought out. Desire. That’s what it was. Desire pooled inside of her.

The fierce unyielding look didn’t leave her face or her eyes as she reached out with one hand and griped the front of his shirt and wrenched him towards her. She brought him so close to her she could feel the electricity humming from him. “Say it again.” Her voice was rough, deep.

A growl rumbled deep inside of David when Baeryn yanked him to her. But he wouldn't touch her. Not yet. The choice was hers and she had yet to tell him her decision. Glaring deep into her eyes, the world around them dissolved into nothingness. All that remained was her. In a voice that was charged with the dangerous energy that coursed through his veins, he said, "I have always loved you, Baeryn Whavi. And I will always love you, until the end of my days, be it today, tomorrow, or a thousand years from now. Be...my...bondmate."

The energy around them raised the hair on the back of her neck, it sent a chill down her spine that she had to force herself not to react to. She took it all in, feeding off the static that radiated off him. The words he spoke resonated within her, in her mind, she took a sharp breath, but never yielding, never looking away from him.

In a low voice, a deep whisper, a bedroom voice meant only for him she said, “If you want my pathetic broken heart, then take it. Take it now.”

She wouldn’t say the word yet, she wasn’t ready to say she loved him. Not yet. She needed time within herself to come to terms with that. To sort out her feelings of insecurity, her self worthlessness. But if he still wanted her, wanted her like he did now then she would give in to him. Let him in. She would gather all the shattered parts of her and willing hand them over. Maybe, and only maybe he would be able to help her fix it. Fix her.

That was all David needed. All he wanted. To hear her say that she was his, as he had said that he was hers. Without hesitation, he dropped the PADD that he was still clutching, wrapped his powerful arms around Baeryn, lifted her off the desk, and kissed her, fiercely and passionately.

If David hadn't wrapped his arms around her she would have surely fallen when her knees gave out. The passion setting her entire body on fire. For ten minutes she was lost in him, completely unaware of their surroundings. There was just him.

With a hand on his chest she pushed back, gasping for air, but wanting more of him. In between breaths she managed to say, "I've work I need to do, " she laughed, "and you need to shave." Though she loved the rugged look, the skin around her lips did not.

Panting for his own breath, David looked deeply into Baeryn's eyes. The fire within him fully reignited. "Dinner, your quarters, tonight." It wasn't a question. There was a desire threatening to burst out of him. It was as if he has stepped on a live EPS conduit, only instead of frying, he was overcharged.

"Be there by seven," she tugged at his beard "without this, or no entry Corporal." That feline grin returned, fire in her obsidian eyes.

Giving his own feral grin, David kissed Baeryn again, then giving her a wink, he quickly left her office. He had work to do.


***1850 hours***

Baeryn had spent more time at work then she expected due to being so distracted and anxious about dinner. Having stepped out of the shower only minutes prior her hair was still slightly wet, but the perfume she wore was a strong mixture of wild berries, mandarin with creamy vanilla, praline, jasmine, and honeysuckle. Something she only wore to special events, or a night out. The scent calmed her nerves as she flitted around her quarters, larger then most given her rank as a senior officer.

There was a soft Indy music playing at a low volume, and candles spaced throughout her quarters. She knew she was over doing it but that didn’t stop her.

“Computer, what time is it?” She asked as she took one last gaze into the mirror above her dresser, she wore tight low rise black leather pants and a deep cream colored crop top sweater that exposed her mid drift. Not exactly fit for a night in, but she was comfortable, so to her that was all that mattered.

“The time is 1850 hours” voiced the computer.

Baeryn pulled the chain out from underneath her sweater and squeezed the dog tags she wore. There was something comforting about having a piece of David with her all the time, a constant reminder he was real. He would be arriving soon, any minute actually. Why was she so nervous?!

Her quarters were practically bare aside from a few personal affects scattered about. She had been so busy since she arrived on the Elysium that she had spent more time in her office in Ops then her own quarters. The suitcases stuffed into the closet hadn’t been touched. The holo on her dresser caught her eye, it was of a young Baeryn and her father, smiling. The memory held so much happiness her heart swelled.

“Dinner!” She said out loud with an exasperated sigh. She hadn’t even thought of what they would eat! She spoke a string of curses. Luckily for her the rarely used replicator in her room would have to do.

Suddenly, the chime to her door rang.

Of course he was early Baeryn thought. Shaking her head and heading to the door.

When the doors slid open, David was standing there, dressed in an immaculately pressed, dark blue, suit, with black leather shoes, shined to brilliance. Instead of a tie, he had a round, flawless piece of obsidian. He was clean-shaven, and his hair was to Marine spec. In one hand, he held an arrangement of wildfowers. In the other, a banana split, fully prepared with one spoon and a single cherry on top.

Baeryn’s jaw immediately dropped. For a few seconds she lost all train of thought, just staring at David. In a scramble to recover her face relaxed into a sly grin. “You got all dressed up for me?” She took a few steps back, allowing him room to enter her quarters but also so that she could take in the full picture of this male, dressed to impress, flowers and ice cream in hand. Baeryn didn’t dare reach for him, if she had she knew there would be little to no conversation, just the shredding of clothing.

Entering Baeryn's quarters, David smiled a lop-sided grin. He eyes moved up and down her physique, enjoying everything he saw. Shrugging, he replied, "A good man dresses to impress the woman he loves." Handing over the flowers, "For you, my love." Then he started to hand the banana split, but, plucked the cherry off before she could and made a show of popping it into his mouth, then smiled.

The word love caused Baeryn to cringe, but only slightly, she tried desperately to hide it while she braved a smile and accepted the flowers. Instantly bringing them close enough to her nose to smell. Any type of plant calmed Baeryn, their simplicity, their beauty. Her quarters housed four plants that she tended to daily. One, a giant spider plant with vines that stretched in different directions along the wall. When she looked up from the flowers she caught David steal the cherry on top and she gasped. “And here I thought I was the one who didn’t share.”

Smiling, David spread his lips, to reveal the cherry, held gently in his teeth. "Ya want it, come get it," he said around the small piece of fruit with a mischievous tone to his voice and eyes.


Baeryn froze as the fire spread to ever inch of her skin at just the tone of his teasing voice. Her movements were unhurried, deliberately slow as she lowered the flowers to the side table. When she looked back up at David it was with animal intent that she closed the few steps between them. For a moment she didn’t touch him, she just stood less then an inch from him enjoying the electricity humming between their bodies. She dragged her obsidian eyes up the length of his body, marveling at how the suit fit over his muscles. What a shame he wouldn’t be wearing it soon she thought. Her eyes stopped on the stone at his neck and she lost all restraint, backing David against the wall she reached up on her toes roving her tongue over his teeth before crushing her mouth to his in a fight for the cherry.

Watching Baeryn practically stalk towards him, David knew that she felt the same as he did. He knew that, thoygh she was looking drop dead gorgeous there in the outfit that she had chosen to wear for him tonight. Of course, seeing her wearing his dog tags had ignited his fire for her the instant he saw them nestled between the bumps in her sweater that her perfectly shaped breasts made.

He managed to place the remainder of the dessert on a nearby table before she reached him. When she was right infront of him, he started to feel the energy between them spark to near blinding strength. Then, when she kissed him, his tongue wrestled with hers, as they fought for ownership of the cherry.

Reaching down behind Baeryn, David took hold of her pert ass, with both hands, then lifted her, forcing her legs to spread around his hips. Turning, he planted her back against the bulkhead and pressed against her.

Effortlessly David hoisted Baeryn off the floor, her legs wrapped around him, hooking ankle over ankle behind him. Her nails dug into the back of his scalp pulling him closer as she arched her back off the wall, pushing herself against him as hard as she could. The woodsy masculine scent of him sent her senses into a frenzy. A deep begging whine came from her. The taste of the sweet cherry they shared lingered on their tongues as they slid together, hungry for more.

Baeryn's sweet perfume and delicious lips drove David wild. Wanting desperately to feel her skin against his, he pulled her off the bulkhead and carried her straight to her bed. When they reached the foot of the bed, he tightened his muscles and lifted her off of his body. He then dumped her onto the center of her bed.

Baeryn chuckled darkly when she hit the sheets, she slowly crawling backwards towards the pillows. The predatory look on David’s face made her mouth water and her center pulse with a need for contact. Her nipples perked, visible through the sweater she still wore. The man standing at the foot of her bed was the polar opposite of the one who had walked into her office hours before. This man, this fierce, strong, confident man who looked at her with that hunger in his eyes was the one she gladly gave every piece of herself to. Had she even bothered to say Hello before succumbing to her desires?

Looking down on Baeryn as she crawled backwatds towards her pillows, David locked his eyes on those twin pools of obsidian in which he truly lived. Reachinh up he slowly pulled off his suit jacket, letting it fall to the deck behind him. He then slipped off his shoes as he began to slowly, tantalizingly, unbutton his shirt, his bare, muscled chest heaving underneath.

Baeryns breathing hitched, watching him without blinking, afraid she would miss something if she did. Her impatience grew as he teased her, deliberately going slow, that bastard. Something of a growl came from her and she sucked her teeth. Giving in to the primal want she crawled towards him, moving faster then she thought was possible, she grabbed hold of his shirt and ripped it opened, popping a few buttons. She didn’t care as she slid her fingers underneath the shirt, pulling it off his broad shoulders until it was on the floor. Kneeling at the edge of the bed she kissed his chest, starting to venture south where her hands were already working to loosen and remove his belt.

Watching Baeryn crawl towards him, David's face twisted into a feral sneer. When she started to claw at him and his belt, he reached down and took hold of a handful of hair on the back of her head and pulled her away from him. Then, still holding her, he began to force her back onto the bed, crawling right along with her, climbing on top of her.

*****************

Baeryn ran a single finger down David’s brow to the tip of his nose. His eyes were closed but she knew he wasn’t sleeping. They had both collapsed after the intense entanglement, panting for breath, sore all over from the impact of their bodies colliding.

“David.” She whispered.

"Hmm?" He mumbled affectionately as he gently ran the fingertips of his left hand up and down Baeryn's bare back. His mind was still in a bit of a jumble as he slowly came down from the high of adrenaline that had been pumping through his bloodstream. Slowly, the one high was being exchanged for another, filled with endorphins.

"I want you to promise me something." She rested her hand on his chest, idly drawing circles on his skin.

Looking down into Baeryn's eyes, David smiled and replied. "Anything, for you, Babe."

Like a coward, she averted her eyes. "I want you to promise me that no matter what happens, tomorrow, next week, next year....that you'll never let the person I saw in my office today become you again."

One thing that was drilled into Baeryn, especially after the Dominion War, was that tomorrow wasn't promised, no matter what side you were on. She never felt disposable in Starfleet, but she long accepted that any day could be her last. There were a plethora of dangers in the universe, any one of which could take her from him, or him from her.

David took a few beats, breathing in deeply, then letting the breaths out. "Look at me," his voice was quiet and non-threatening, but still full of power.

Raising her head she reluctantly brought her eyes to his, stilling her hand.

"I will give you my word to be the best man I can be for both of us. However, I want you to promise me to never again run away from me. If there is an issue, talk to me. Separately, we may be strong in our own ways. However, together, we can stand against any threat. I need you to stay standing, right with me."

The weight of knowing she wasn't someone who was strong was suffocating. Not strong in the sense he spoke of. He saw her through a filter, seeing her for something and someone she wasn't. "You don't know what you're asking. You need, want something I don't have in me to give you. You see me in a light that I don't understand and probably never will. Like I'll never understand your desire to have me, for me to be yours. I'm not strong, not in the least. Seeing the effect I had on you, the state you were in today, I don't ever want that to happen, whether I'm with you or not. That was proof I'm not good for you David." She paused, "The only promise I can give you is that I will always be yours, broken as I am, I'm yours."

David sighed softly as he listened to Baeryn degrade herself. Finally, he frowned slightly. "Sweetheart....wait, sit up with me." He carefully sat up in the middle of the bed. He then maneuvered Baeryn to sit astride his lap, facing him. "Now, I need you to hear me, okay?" He waited for her acknowledgement.

Baeryn gave David a mocking sneer at the nickname, she mentally noted to tell him later she much rather preferred her name to any of the silly nicknames lovers gave one another. But nodded for him to continue as they sat upright, face to face.

"Now, you claim that I'm perfect. I am certainly far from perfect. I make mistakes just like everyone else. You might think that I'm perfect for you, and I will certainly strive to be so. However, you, my love, you are perfect for me. As for what happened earlier, that is the unfortunate side effect of bonding with an El Aurian. Once we have made that bonding connection, we are bonded for life. To separate us, and our energies, now would require the Clerics of Graltorra, of which, I'm sure any survived the destruction of our world."

"When one half of the bond mating tries to leave, the other suffers the reduction of energies, as you saw earlier. Unfortunately, it is not a choice. It simply happens, as you saw. Now, were you El Aurian, I would have died. The fact that you are not is what spared my life. While I was in poor condition, in about a hundred years, I might be near normal again."

"So, when I say That I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours, it isn't a choice. It is my heart joining with your heart, permanently."

Her auburn brows raised in shock at what he was telling her. "Why would you allow the bond to happen not knowing for certain how I would act?!" Her voice raised slightly near the end of her sentence, a little fury in her eyes at how she could have very well killed him and not even been aware of it. The fact that neither of them had a choice also ate at her, but she would bring that up at another time, right now she was furious knowing how completely and blindly David trusted her and how she had crushed him. Yet again, an unforgivable act.

David gave Baeryn a calming smile. "Baeryn," he sighed, trying to think how much information he could give her to allow her to understand both him and how he can love her so fully. Finally, he decided to just lay out everything that he knew.

"Baeryn," he began softly, her name delicious on his tongue. "The haltora began, for my people, nearly a thousand millennia ago. Back then, our people were not too dissimilar to the Humans were a thousand years ago. We fought fierce wars for land, planets, resources, even love. Then, the Great Purge happened. Records of the time are sketchy at best. But, what is generally believed is that we nearly obliterated ourselves. Our population was cut down nearly ninety percent. We were more close to extinction than after the Borg attempted to eradicate us."

"The survivors knew that we could not allow our shortsightedness be our downfall again. So, a few thousand were sent out, in an attempt to reseed our species. It was only discovered, about three thousand years ago, that El Aurian souls had started to surface in other species. The haltora taught us that when two halves of the same soul find one another, there is no choice. It's pure biological need, to find the other have of your Belkotra, or soul."

"That's why I fell into the state I was in. Our souls have intertwined. And, while the bonding does have it's negative aspects, when one tries to break free, it also has numerous positives. You will be able to draw strength from me, to help you build your own strength." He moved her right hand with his left, until they were palm to palm, in front of them. "Separate, we are alone, weak." He then interlaced his fingers with hers. "Together, we are stronger than you can imagine." He brought her knuckles to his lips and gently kissed each one, then looked back into her eyes, hoping she understood, at least some.

An El-Aurian soul. How could she posses something so beautiful? Baeryn took in all of the information David gave her, processing it slowly. For a great while she was lost in thought, asking herself a stream of questions regarding what this meant. It seemed so cruel, that he was stuck with her. A dark secret crept into her mind, a memory. Her heart skipped a beat, or rather two. Not today she told herself. Today and tomorrow she would enjoy this happiness, no matter how greedy that made her.

Smiling she brought her focus up from their intertwined fingers to David's ocean eyes. Lost in those cerulean waves, the deepest blue she had ever seen, something inside her gave way, like a fist clenched for too long, like a breath finally being released. There had never been a comfort like this for her, not since her father. No one relaxed her like this. She would forever do anything and everything to keep this, this bond.

"I wish I could feel it. The bond." she laughed, "All I feel is a desire to rip your clothing off every time you're close"

David chuckled happily, feeling that she was finally understanding. "Well, I guess I'll just have to accept that wonderful fate. Moving his arms around her, he pulled her close and kissed her gently, longingly, as if it was the first, long anticipated kiss that they had been missing their whole lives. After a few moments, when they came up for air, David leaned his forehead against hers and said, "You will, in time. Feel the bond, I mean. There have been numerous reports of Outworlders feeling the bond." Pulling his head back, he reached up and gently touched her forehead with the fingertips of his right hand. "You must quiet yourself both here," he moved his hand down to gently cover her heart. "And here. Only then, Baeryn, will you start to feel it. Allow me to help you, be your guide, your partner. Say the words. It will strengthen us immeasurably. Will you be my Bondmate?"

Since the moment her abilities manifested Baeryn had done nothing but suppress them, lock them behind a trap door, ignore their existence. For countless reasons. Commander Sthilg's words rang in her mind, My dear your psssilosssynine levelsss are getting to harmful levelsss. I think you know the damage that could do." Now she was gifted with someone willing to help her, someone who didn't look down upon her for her lack of control. The signs were difficult to ignore, falling into place as they were.

Baeryn lifted her face to David's, she had yet to give him any indication of what her answer would be. Her mouth fell open to respond.



*END*


Lieutenant Baeryn Whavi
Chief Operations Officer U.S.S. Elysium

&

Corporal David Tonelly
Marine Sniper