Continuing My Care

Posted on Tue Jun 1st, 2021 @ 4:03pm by Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D. & Captain George Charles [Reece]

Mission: Season 5: Episode 2: Operation Save Humanity
Location: USS Elysium, Lieutenant Tate Sullivan's office
Timeline: MD -7, 0944 hours (enroute back to Earth)
1650 words - 3.3 OF Standard Post Measure

After it had been a few days of no contact from Miraj, George realized that things were over between the two of them. He had told his friend and REO, Tink, that she wasn't to speak to Miraj on his behalf. That said, he now had nothing but the pain. The absolute pain of loneliness. His fellow pilots, what few remained following the battle over Quell'ish, tried to get him to engage. Some knew most of his history. They recognized that their friend needed help. He needed to speak to one of the counselors on board. Tink had actually suggested, then pushed, him to go see Lieutenant Sullivan, saying that she was wonderful and an expert in her field.

So, with both his friend's encouragement, and his heavy burdens, he finally made his way to the office in question. Taking a moment to compose himself, he then reached up and pressed the doorbell control.

When first Lieutenant Charles' name came up on her schedule, Tate was both surprised and pleased. Even before recent events, Sullivan knew from his record of his trauma history, and while simply having experienced trauma wasn't cause for requiring immediate therapy or evaluation, it had put him on the trauma therapist's radar.

Then there was the experience on the holodeck in which it seemed to Tate George took particular pleasure in throwing his weight around and taking control during what she gathered was intended to be a routine fitness exercise. More than poking a little fun at the officers, George seemed to revel in his role as exercise leader, not as a source of encouragement for the team, but as someone who could assert his superiority for the duration of the exercise. It had definitely raised a red flag for Sullivan, and now it seemed something had raised a red flag for George.

Having recognized the identity of her visitor, Tate knew all she needed to do was give her permission for the doors to open, which she did by offering a simple, "Come in," and as expected, the doors opened with a prompt hiss.

Tate stood from her desk and offered her hand, along with a polite smile. "Hello, Lieutenant."

George entered a little cautiously. "Morning, Ma'am. Uh, th-thank you for seeing me."

Taking note of his hesitation, Tate lowered her hand and gestured for him to come inside. "I was happy to do it, Lieutenant. I promise, I don't bite," she added with a gentle smile.

George gave Tate a small, uncertain grin. "Thank you." He moved to the couch and sat on the very edge, at the point furthest from Tate. "I'm sorry. It...it's nothing personal. Because...because of my history, I...um...I've seen more counselors than I can count. I..." he seemed flustered. Finally deciding to just shut up and lowrrd his gaze to the deck at his feet, making himself seem as small as possible. "I'm sorry," he muttered, barely above a whisper.

Given George's history of abuse, Tate ventured apologizing for things, even those that were not his fault, had become reflexive. She could have made a point of assuring him he didn't have anything to apologize for, but given his extensive history with counselors, she wasn't sure that such a response would truly be heard. It was similar to apologizing to a grieving person for his or her loss. No matter the sincerity of the statement, after hearing it so many times, it could become meaningless.

Instead, Tate decided to take a different approach. "I don't take anything people say or do in session personally. I'm just glad that after all you've been through, you are still willing to see a counselor to sort things out. Carrying all our baggage alone can be exhausting."

This actually got George to look up, albeit only slightly. Then, seeming to be on the verge of tears, he slowly nodded. "I'm so tired."

"You might not believe this right now, but things get easier to carry once you stop fighting so hard to avoid them. It would be understandable given the counseling you've had in the past to hope that you could put everything behind you without looking back, but in my experience, continued counseling is often necessary to address new challenges that couldn't be anticipated during previous counseling experiences. Perhaps you could start by telling me a bit about what you're struggling with currently and we can explore how best to address it?"

George was quiet as he listened to Tate speak to jim. He found her calm demeanor soothing, and started to ferl safe in her presence. "Well," he started with a shrug. "As I've just recently arrived on the Elysium, ive made only a few new friends. Two of the strongest are Ensign Miraj and Commander S'hib. We, uh, played one of her pirate games, before they left for the Quell'ish mission."

Sighing, he continued. "Well, I had thought there was an attraction between Miraj and me, and it felt great to finally be wanted by someone!" He shook hus head as he thought back to how stupid he was. "Anyway, I made the mistake of rushing things and freaked her out. Looking back on it now, I totally agree with how she reacted. Unfortunately, I find it upsetting that I may have lost someone who could have bern a good friend."

"Then, after watching so many of my fellow pilots die in the battle to save our people....I....I'm just not in a good way right now "

"You're dealing with a lot of loss right now," Tate reflected. "I'm wondering if these two experiences have brought up similar thoughts?"

George thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "Maybe?" Shaking his head, he continued. I just can't break this feeling that, even in a crowded room, I feel all alone." His eyes moved to look at the deck as he whispered, "All alone and worthless,"

"Tell me more about that. What makes you think you are alone and not worth anything? These two experiences alone?"

George paused briefly, before shaking his head. "Well...maybe not totally worthless,and alone, actually. I do have my twin sister, Emily. She cares about me and needs me as much as I need her. But, the rest? I don't know. I just feel like, well, like they all see me as odd and, possibly, dangerous." He remembered what S'hib had said to him after the pirate game.

"When you say ' they all,' are you referring to all of us or certain people in particular?" Tate asked. She could see he was already beginning to reassess his statements, and she wanted to encourage continued examination of the language he used.

George opened his mouth to answer, then stopped, the tried again and stopped. He throught about the question, then finally replied. "Well, I guess, as I haven't met the entire crew. As far as the Elysium goes, two individuals, I feel, see me as either weird or a threat to the ship."

"You feel that, but what evidence do you have that you know this to be true?" Sullivan asked. Her tone wasn't confrontational or dismissive, but she approached the issue like a scientist looking for proof.

George shrugged and then said plainly, "because one person told me of their concern for the saftey of the ship, due yo my lack if complete control over my telepathic and empathic abilities." He took a breath and continued. "And the other, made it clear that I had made her uncomfortable, rightly so mind you, when I rushed things in our, initially, mutually attracted relationship. I made the mistake of thinking, and saying, that I loved her, even after we had only known each other about a day."

"Have either of these people said you were weird or that you were a threat to the ship entirely? From what I gather, one person expressed concern about your control over your abilities, and another person told you she wasn't ready to begin a relationship with you. Aren't those descriptions of very specific incidents and very specific feelings, not global labels of who you are?"

George considerd Tate's words for a few moments. Perhaps she was right. Afterall, Emily knew who he was and she wanted him in her life. "Yeah," he said finally. "I think I understand what you're getting at."

Tate nodded. "Language can be very powerful, even if it's just the words we tell ourselves. When you use words like ' everyone ' and ' must ' or ' should,' you're mind can't help but think in grand absolutes. Language like that also has a way of discouraging you from considering evidence that suggests just the opposite of what you're telling yourself. Tell me, do you notice a difference in how you feel when you tell yourself only a couple of people in the crew may have complicated feelings toward you instead of the whole crew?"

She had a point. George hadn't even considered looking at things from that viewpoint. Nodding, he replied. "Yes, yes I do. The pressure is nowhere as heavy."

"And is it true that only two people may have complicated feelings toward you? In other words, is that thought more accurate than what you were telling yourself before?"

George was silent for a few beats, then, a small, relieved, ghost of a grin started to cross his features. "Yeah, it does. While I still don't like knowing that two of my shipmates feel negatively towards me...it is better than thinking everyone felt that way." His eyes misted over as a sad grin filled his face. "Thank you, Tate."

Sullivan smiled. "My pleasure. Now, shall we talk more specifically about addressing your dual dilemnas?"


***OFF***

Lieutenant Tate Sullivan, PhD
Assistant Chief Counselor
USS Elysium


&

First Lieutenant George Charles
Senior Valkyrie Starfighter Pilot
USS Elysium
[NPC Tonelly]