Difference of Perspective (Part 1)

Posted on Sat Mar 11th, 2023 @ 10:27pm by Lieutenant Commander Rin & Captain Gary Taylor

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: MWR Shelter, then Outside the Cave System
Timeline: MD 12 of Episode 1: Circinus
2566 words - 5.1 OF Standard Post Measure

The inside of the MWR shelter was large and bright. Personally, Rin thought dimming the lights would be more efficient, considering the power issues. However, she supposed the rightness was meant to cheer people up, and lights were a minor drain in comparison to some of the camp's other needs.

Part of the area was taken up by children playing with a few toys that had been replicated. Anxious parents stood or sat at the edge of the area, unwilling to take their eyes off the young ones they came so close to losing.

Rin sat in the opposite corner of the building, sipping her second coffee. A PaDD sat in front of her, ignored. She watched the kids, hoping it would cheer her up, and it did, slightly. But not enough.

Gary entered the MWR building in his walkabout the camp. A walk he needed to assess the mood of the crew as well be a sign that the command team knew of the problems facing the crew and they were available to talk with. He entered saw several parents and stopped to talk with them and encourage them and listen to their concerns. After listening to both questions and concerns, he made his way to exit when he spied Rin sitting by herself.

He made his way to her. "Mind if I join you in your quiet solitude or is it reflection?" He asked even as he sat down opposite her and awaited her answer.

Rin smiled weakly. "You're welcome to join. I thought seeing the kids might cheer me up, but it hasn't worked."

"I don't know if anything is going to cheer us up Rin, I mean really cheer us up. This isn't very original, and I don't know how inspiring it is either but we're alive and we have a ship, crippled but a ship and we're making repairs. I think just be thankful for what we've got. Afterall beggars can't be choosers." He paused, "Want to walk with me? We can talk while I make my rounds through the camp."

Rin raised an eyebrow at Gary as she took another sip of her coffee, giving no indication of readying to stand. "Is this when you point out all the people we saved and who are looking to us to get them home? Because I am well aware."

Gary shook his head at Rin, "You know, when you raise your eyebrow, you look incredibly Vulcan and no I am not going to state the obvious and what you already know. I am going to say that sitting here, drinking coffee is self-defeating and if you continue on wasting time like this, I'm going to tell your mother and father on how you are acting." Gary said the last in a teasing fashion, making reference to the Borg Queen and Khan Noonien Singh who portrayed Rin's parents in a holodeck adventure Gary and Rin had been trapped in.

"I recognize you're attempting humor, but it has rather missed its mark." She set down her mug and folded her hands on the table. "We were a little less than a day from port. 24 hours after our expected time, with no one able to contact us, Starfleet would start making inquiries to find out where we were last seen. Then there would be a search. And maybe they don't find anything, in which case we are *merely* missing, or maybe they find evidence of the filament, in which case they probably assume we're dead. Regardless, during that time there's also some pointed questions directed at the Romulans, considering their proximity. And then the notifications will start. I figure sometime in the last 48 hours or so, Captain Addison has - for the *second* time in his life - been informed that my ship has vanished with all hands. And I know what it did to him last time. And then my *actual* mother and father will get the same. Again. So, yes, I'm planning on getting us home. And no, I'm not being 'self-defeating.' I just have a few brain weasels crawling around in that empty space Ebi's presence used to be in my head. A space that is meant to be full of voices, although I accepted years ago that it would not be. And before you say I'm out of line, I sincerely ask you to consider what it would sound like if I said "beggars can't be choosers" if, for example, you had lost Commander Taylor."

Gary was silent as Rin spoke and made some very valid points about both their situation and hers. "Rin." He said slowly, I meant no offense to you. I sincerely apologize. My attempt at comedy as never been good. I know what it is like lose someone. When Catlin died, I was devastated. My world had come crashing down on around me. I built walls to keep people out, so I wouldn't be hurt again. I stopped living. Only when Lia came into my life and helped me to tear down the walls and to reengage with people did I start to live again." He paused for a moment before continuing his eyes on hers. "I am truly sorry for my choice of words, and I hope Ebi is alright, perhaps unconscious and unable to communicate with you. My point was, you, we need to focus on the task ahead of us. My parents would have been notified by Starfleet as well and I can only imagine on how the news has affected my mother. So, you aren't alone in that regard. You have friends, I like to think I am one of them that you can talk to and confide in." He started to reach a handout put stopped and drew it back. You aren't alone Rin. Don't shut yourself off from others. Don't do what I did when Catlin died. What can I do to help you?"

"I'm not shutting myself off. I'm just having coffee." Rin put the mug to her lips again only to find it empty. She completely the motion regardless before setting it aside. "I don't know what can help me. I don't want them hurt all over again. Poor James must be having flashbacks by now. No one should have to go through that twice."

Gary shook his head, "You're sitting here by yourself. Alone with your thoughts. Not necessarily a good thing has it can lead to you over thinking. "Rin there isn't a person in this crew who wants to see their loved ones hurt by receiving news that we are missing, presumed lost. However we can't change that. What we can change is our situation." Gary answered with quiet determination.

Being alone with her thoughts was certainly a complicated issue. It was a state, before Ebi, that she constantly lived with, and which she was adapting to be familiar with again. It wasn't a good feeling. And company did help drive the silence away, although she got the definite impression Gary was not understanding the full impact of that silence.

Honestly, she expected him to be a little more understanding about her putting her family through wash and repeat, but she didn't see a better way of explaining it. He might simply be on professional mode at the moment. Maybe that was his way of coping.

"What do you suggest then?" Rin asked.

"I wish I had an answer for that Rin. "Something to take our minds off worrying about how our families are handling this. Yes, I worry about my mom and dad, they aren't young and what this is doing to them. If we have a project, it will at least occupy our thoughts for a period of time." Gary finished looking at her for her reaction to his idea.

Rin chuckled. "You know you're saying this in the place that is supposed to take our minds off of things and suggesting I bury myself in work, which I am confident is the first time anyone has needed to encourage."

Gary looked around the room and then back to Rin, A smile on his face. "Sorry, it is failing miserably at that task. I need something else. Want to go oj a hunting trip with me?"

"That definitely sounds like a better distraction. What are we looking for?" Rin asked as she pulled on her jacket, ready to leave.

"Glad you agree. As to what were looking for, anything that can help feed the camp. Get yourself a phaser rifle. Get two, some winter gear, and a snowcat, so we can bring back what we kill. I'll meet you outside in five minutes. I need to get something from my quarters."

--Outside the cave, 5 minutes later---

Rin sat in the drivers' seat of the snowcat, bundled up in warmer gear, with another set of clothes sitting on the passenger seat for Gary. Behind the seats sat the rifles and other gear: crampons, rope, flares, emergency rations and the like. They knew very little about what was out there. Most of their info so far came from scans from the air.

Gary arrived just as he said he would, with hisn1873 carbine in one hand and an extra box of shells in his pocket. Thermos and two cups in the other. "He looked at what Rin had procured, "Very good Rin. I hope I didn't keep you waiting." He climbed in. "Let's go." He said simply.

Rin nodded as she pulled the vehicle away from the cave and headed out into the wilderness. "What's with the antique?"

Gary ran his hand down along the side of his beloved rifle. "This antique has you put it was a present and I've wanted to get out and use it. This seems like a good opportunity. Besides..." He added, "With this it is hunting, with the phaser rifles, it's just point and shoot.'

"We're attempting to find food for the camp. Surely 'point and shoot' is the point." Rin tried to swallow her irritation at what she considered her superior's
frivolity. Many people in the camp - Rin included - had lost everything, while Gary was waxing poetic about an antique he managed to not only save but evacuate with.

Gary caught Rin's irritation and decided to address it. "What's the problem Rin? This 'antique' " He stressed the word. "Was a present from Catlin, my first wife. She's dead. I'm not losing this. I'm sorry if it bothers you and for the record there isn't anything wrong with point and shoot. I just don't want to do it. Okay?"

"I'm a little confused whether this is a hunt for food or a sport shooting expedition," Rin blurted out in response to his question. She paused then to focus on her driving as the vehicle rumbled over the uneven terrain which had taken a sharp dip.

"I am very glad you were able to recover a sentimental item," she clarified - honestly - as things evened out again. "But a lot of us did not. Everything I own was in my quarters. Everything from Tavara was there. Holopics of people I will never see again. And my badge: the one dug out of my chest. The thing I offered up to a first contact team in a plea to understand where I belonged. The one object that has meaning to me. And you're telling me I'm thinking too much and feeling too much, which doctors have been telling me I should do more of for the last 17 years."

She paused again as the wind kicked up, sending a swirl of snow across the front windows. "This is a really inopportune time for my emotional regulator to fail," she muttered.

Gary listened to her comments and when he spoke his voice was as cold as the air around them." Nothing to be confused about Rin. We're out looking for food to feed the crew." Gary answered simply then turned in his seat to look at Rin better. "However, I am sorry. I am sorry that you feel that I am trying to trivialize and minimized your feelings and what you are going through. I am also sorry I didn't do a better job conveying my concern. Though apparently, you don't know me as well as I thought you did, and I resent the fact that you also feel I am insensitive to your emotional well-being. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am very concerned about you hence this hunting trip to help you to focus on something else for at least a short period of time."

He looked through the front windshield, "You have an emotional support group Rin. me and other members of the crew. We help each other deal and get through this."

"Actually, I'm concerned about what I perceive as insensitivity precisely because it is out of character for you," Rin countered. Then, changing the subject, "Do you have an idea where we should be setting out on foot?"

"Your perception is wrong. I asked what was wrong you said nothing was. I tell you I'm concerned about you and you don't seem to accept or believe it. I tell you that you have an emotional support group and you don't even acknowledge it." He shook his head, "Go about another have a klimeter. There's a deep wood on the right. We'll park the snowcat there and see what we can find."

So you have a perception of me, and I have a perception of you. Neither of us should be telling the other their perception is incorrect. But when did I tell you nothing was wrong? I thought I spelled it out quite plainly."

"Perhaps not Rin but we should talk." Gary countered. "And I stand corrected, You said you were watching the kids in hopes it would cheer you up. I took it to mean something was wrong."

"OK, I thought we were talking," Rin said honestly as she pulled the vehicle up to the woods and put it in park. She climbed out, fetching a rifle from behind the seats and pocketing some flares and rations, just in case.

"And of course things are wrong." She gestured with open arms at the frozen wasteland they were standing in. "But that's not the bit I'm dwelling on. As previously stated, my family is, probably at this very moment, not merely dealing with terrible news but dealing with this for the *second* time in their lives. And I know what it's going to do to them because I have seen what it did the first time around. It's going to crush my ex *again*. I do not understand why you're counting that as saying nothing was wrong. I thought I was being rather forthwith. So what would you like to talk about?"

Gary climbed out, grabbed his rifle and the other phaser rifle. As well as the thermos and cups. He looked around the area they had parked. A vast forest was in front of them. "Should be some game in there." He said avoiding her question for the moment and then realizing that was the wrong approach, he turned back to her. "I'd like to start this entire conversation over. I fill it went sideways somewhere along the way."

"Fair enough. I have no objection," Rin replied.

(TBC in a part 2)