Discussion of the situation
Posted on Sat Mar 25th, 2023 @ 4:33am by Lieutenant Commander Savar cha'Salik hei-Surak Talek-sen-deen [Taylor] & Consul Josephine Carlyle-Cragen
Mission:
Season 6: Episode 2: Survival
Location: Counselling demountable
Timeline: Md1 10h00
1782 words - 3.6 OF Standard Post Measure
Josie, after the confrontation with Arri, chose to head for her the counselors. she found where they had set up in one of the demountable buildings and asked to see Savar.
A few minutes later Savar appeared. "Josie." he greeted her. "This is unexpected. Then recognition came to his eyes. "I take it an incident has occurred?"
"Arri came to my tent with a heater." Josie said softly. "Can we talk?"
"I see." Savar replied then continued, "Yes we can, please come with me." He said as he led Josie to a small walled off space that had made into an office to give the counselors and their patients some privacy. "Please have a seat Josie." Savar said as he moved to sit in one of the two chairs there and a small table with a PaDD on it. "What happened?" He asked getting to the point.
"She came to my tent with a heater and we spoke... she wanted to hug me, and I could not face that... I could barely face her." Josie said as she sat down.
"Arrianna has yet to understand that you are still in the process of recovery and rediscovering yourself. She has an eight-month head start on you. In this encounter you had with Arrianna you stated you could barely face her. What was it that you found so uncomfortable?"
"As you said, she doesn't seem to understand. I seem to have a habit of entering relationships out of dark places and trauma. I said that to her and She professed her love for me again, I hurt her."
"Your assessment of yourself is in error Josie. It was not you who visited Arrianna. But she who forced a confrontation out of herself professed love for you. Arrianna clearly has no concept of what her actions put you through nor does she seem to realize that her continued actions such as this do not help the chances of you both reuniting. Rather it will push you farther away from her." Savar replied calmly.
"She said she had to see me when the Commodore gave out the numbers of the lost, that she wants us to feel right and good. She wanted to check on me and the baby. Said she would be faithful to me to the end of her life." Josie shrugged. "I was not sure what to say to that Savar. I... want to make my life stable for my child, and I am not.... sure if Arri fits into it."
"Arrianna's behavior towards and regarding you borders on obsessive Josie. She wishes to be involved in every aspect of your life. her statement of being faithful to you for the rest of her life is evidence of that. Your life is just that Josie your life. You must make the decisions that you feel are best for you and your child. Your well-being is what is paramount here Josie."
"I don't want to hurt her." Josie said softly. "As much as my feelings have not changed towards her, she needs to know, I may not be able to return to a relationship with anyone for a long while. And I told her that and she... I do not know if she heard me. "
"Josie, Arrianna heard you but her feelings, her desires, her needs are overriding and blocking out your message to her. You must take care of yourself first. Heal yourself first both physically and mentally, only then can you make a rational decision. To try now is illogical and would do more harm than good." Savar replied as he watched Josie. I believe Arrianna forgets what you endured as a captive."
Josie looked down at her hands. "She endured as well." She said softly. "I Can't forget that either."
"Nor am I making light of that fact or suggesting you forget it. However the fact remains Arrianna has an eight month head start in her recovery and her rediscovering herself." Savar countered.
"I... don't want to hurt anyone Savar." Josie said softly. "I have under two months until my daughter is born and I just want to get through that."
"A noble goal Josie. Concentrate on that. Concentrate on your daughter's birth and everything going as it should. Your daughter's birth is the one constant you can focus and rely on." Savar answered.
"If.. if we were in the Federation, I would request a transfer. My presence is not helping Arri."
Savar put the PaDD down. "Josephine, running away is not the answer. It benefits no one. Not you or Arrianna. The answer as uncomfortable as it is, is for you to stand your ground, to heal yourself despite Arrianna's attempts at reconciliation at this time."
She looked up at him. "It is not like I can avoid her. Things being what they are. And I refuse to remain cooped up in my tent"
Savar returned her look, "I am not asking you to avoid Arrianna nor for you to as you say be cooped up in your tent. "Get out move about the camp. If you happen to meet Arrianna, your encounters should be brief, transitory band professional. You have done nothing wrong that you need to hide."
"Then why does she make me feel like I should? That I have done something wrong?" Josie asked, agitation clear in her voice.
Savar didn't say anything for a moment maybe two then he spoke. "Josie, Arrianna is projecting her feelings of guilt on what she sees as guilt in her mind for leaving you to your captor. She is overcompensating for these feelings by professing her love for you and saying she will be faithful. Josie, you did not leave Arrianna, she in her mind left you and she is trying to correct that."
Josie thought about that. She remembered fighting Arri to get her to come back to herself, not to give in, she remembered showing Arri mental pictures of the Borg to frighten her. "D-Do you think she remembers me trying to scare her back to herself?"
"I cannot say for sure Josie but I would be surprised if she did not remember your efforts which if she does it will only compound and intensify the guilt she is carrying. Which would explain her obsessive behavior towards you. She feels the need to prove herself to you.'' Savar commented.
"She doesn't need to!" Josie said. "She was not in control. And she was rescued and I wasn't. That's not on her."
"Josie, in Arrianna's mind she was in control, and you are right. She was rescued and you were not. You were brain washed, raped and held as a prisoner for eight months longer than Arri. Arrianna is used to being in control in every situation she is in up until then. Where...." He looked at his notes "A Michael Bishop was. In Arrianna's mind she failed."
Josie shook her head. "No, Starfleet failed. No .. sorry, that Admiral knew about me. Knew about Kyle's History, knew where I fitted in that history. I think he set the whole crew up and Arri's temperament played into his hands. He got to distract Kyle with us, distract the Commodore with Arri. It was just a bonus that she was rescued by the Commodore's team." She looked at Savar. "I have had time to think things through."
"You may well be correct Josie but it does not change Arrianna's compulsive behavior towards you." Savar noted.
Josie nodded. "I should have tried harder to keep her on the Elysium, and to deal with Carrington." she said softly. "Otherwise this would never have happened."
"Josie, self-recriminations serve no purpose. As the humans say, "Don't dry over split milk. Move on and deal with what comes as best you can. You have already shown how strong you are." Savar pointed out.
"And if my being strong destroys another?" she asked curiously. "What does that say about me?"
"Why Josie, it says you are able to make the hard decisions and you look after yourself." Savar replied confidently.
"And won't that look like I am cold and unfeeling towards Arrianna? I think that is what she sees already."
"Josie, you know that is not true as well as I do. People who know you will know that as well. More importantly do you actually care what others think as long as you know the truth?"
She looked at him. "People talk. And Talk can hurt." Josie said softly.
"Talk from ignorant people Josie who do not know the entire situation. They are uninformed. While talk can be hurtful, you have already shown are strong you are and I believe if such a situation did come up. You would prove successful in dealing with it." Savar observed.
Josie nodded slowly. She had been spoken about even before this situation. "I hope so." she said softly.
"Josephine, I know so." Savar replied firmly.
Josie took a breath. "Am I a bad person Savar? To want to be my own person?"
"A bad person?" He repeated, "Josie you wish to be a strong person, to have the faith of your convictions. To live your life as you wish not as others would have you live. That is not a bad person. That is an exceptionally strong and good person."
"ok so keep that in mind when Arrianna looses her control." Josie looked at him. "Since the Mirror Universe, her control has been....fragile."
"I will definitely do so. Thank you for the tip Josie."
"Her Mirror did a number on her. Maybe that is part of why she has fixated this time, something stable..." Josie sighed "I do love her, I just can't be with her right now."
"Hold onto that thought Josie, keep it alive inside you. However, give yourself time to heal." Savar replied softly.
"I will. I intend to take as much time as I need and not be rushed. She is just going to have to be patient."
"An outstanding plan Josie. I know you will be successful with it." Savar replied in quiet agreement.
Josie nodded and stood up slowly. "Thank you for listening Savar. I should go, I am due in the Common Tent to help with the civilian children."
Savar also rose, "You are welcome Josie. I am always available for you to talk to." He raised his hand in the Vulcan salute. "Live long and prosper Josie." Then added, "Be strong, be happy."
She gave him a smile and then left.
Savar remained standing after Josie left. Once he was sure she was out of earshot, he softly said. "I wish you happiness Josie, as you certainly deserve it."