I am and feel mediocre

Posted on Mon Nov 13th, 2023 @ 11:05am by Lieutenant Colonel Azhul Naxea & Lieutenant Commander S'hib & Lieutenant Commander Alicia Kelea-Salik

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: S’hib & Naxea’s Quarters
1365 words - 2.7 OF Standard Post Measure

Arriving at the door of S’hib and Naxea’s Quarters, Alicia hoped she wasn’t going to be intruding on S’hib’s personal time with Naxea and his daughter. Given recent events she needed to speak with S’hib. Pressing the chime she stood waiting for an answer.

Inside, S'hib's ears perked and swivelled towards the door as the chime echoed. "One moment!"

Then his attention returned to the PADD in his hands, swiping the contents off-screen before placing it face down on the couch as he stood.

"I'm off duty..." He muttered to Naxea with a bemused look on his long face.

"Why am I still so busy?" he added as he padded over to the door and tapped the controls, his face turning sour once he saw Alicia.

"Commander," He sighed, already knowing why she was here. "Come on in."

Alicia nodded and walked inside, “Thank you S’hib” Then nodded politely to Naxea. “Forgive me for intruding Colonel, I’m sure you were expecting me sooner or later.” She offered a warm smile to both. “Oh and please it’s Alicia, no need for rank where I’m concerned.”

"Ok," S'hib muttered as he eyed up the door, squinting slightly in annoyance that he hadn't shut the moment she stepped inside. "Can I get you a drink at all?" He added, shifting his focus back to the rest of the room as the door finally hissed shut.

Alicia smiled. “Just a fruit juice please S’hib, I don’t mind what kind.” She moved across to Naxea. “How are you doing Naxea? How is being a mother suiting you?”

"It's tiring," she admitted as she leaned back in the couch. "Sle'anna has a lot of energy."

"We Sequus don't sleep like you humanoids do," S'hib called out from the replicator, attempting to add to what Naxea had said to give Alicia more context.

"Slee is often wide awake after only a few hours, and thankfully I'm the same so when Nax is trying to sleep I just take her out into the corridor and off she goes." He smiled to himself for a moment as he watched the drinks materialise before quickly turning back to look at Alicia.

"But... you didn't hear that from me because I'm not actually supposed to leave."

Alicia smiled. “I think we can arrange something so that an exception can be made for that S’hib, not that I’ll be mentioning you’ve already been outside. I know how hard it is being a parent.” She looked directly at S’hib with her next question. “So how are you coping with what’s happened?”

"I'm fine," S'hib lied, not even attempting to make his tone sound convincing in the slightest. "I get to spend time with my daughter and Nax, in this... wonderful room." He said bitterly, waving his hand about despite genuinely enjoying the fact he could, it just wasn't their home. It was like living in limbo, everything was in limbo.

"Because at least in here I'm not a massive disappointment, so you know... keeps me in a good mood."

He paused looking back at the replicator, dunes was he really this wound up he thought, his eyes opening wide as he pretended not to feel the eyes of his wife on the back of his head.

Alicia completely understood the sentiment, “I appreciate your candour S’hib, it’s not the best situation and I understand what lead you to this. What happened to Miraj...” she shook her head. “I just thank the heavens that we have as brilliant a medical team as we do, and I’m not just saying that because I’m the daughter of the Chief Medical Officer.” She smiled a wry smile. “The person who did it will be found and punished.”

His tail lashed out behind him as she finished speaking. "They should have already been found!" He huffed, careful not to raise his voice. Instead letting his tone carry the loud implications of his bitterness.

"By me..." S'hib added with a deep and low snort, taking a moment to calm himself before hurriedly reaching forward and snatching the glass of juice he requested earlier.

"I let her down," He continued, turning and slowly walking back over to the couch. "I let everyone, down..." The glass clinked as it touched the table, his cloven fingers holding onto it for a moment as if using its fragility to ground himself.

"Including myself." He finished with a dour expression on his long face.

"Will you stop it?" Naxea stated, looking at S'hib. "You haven't let anyone down."

“I suggest you listen to Naxea, S’hib.” Alicia offered a smile. “You are not letting anyone down, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. The situation with Miraj is one of high emotion for all of us.”

S'hib's face scrunched up into a knot as he stood up tall, his top lip curling and quivering as hot air escaped his nostrils on the walk back to the replicator.

This wasn't about being perfect he thought, it was about being better.

"Well, that's how I feel..." He huffed, practically punching a button on the replicator with the tip of his hoofed digit.

"I thought that's what this was supposed to be about, talking about my feelings or whatever."

He stood there watching the replicator shimmer another glass of dark orange coloured fruit juice into existence, he didn't want to be doing this, he didn't want Alicia here and he certainly didn't want to talk.

“You’re right, it is to talk about your feelings” Alicia nodded. “I understand how you feel S’hib, from what I understand you were extremely close to finding out who it was that almost killed Miraj. Now you’re off duty and unable to pursue your line of investigation.”

"That and I don't think any of them trust the evidence I had, so they're not continuing my investigation they're starting a new one... It's ridiculous!" He scoffed as he picked up the glass and brought it to his lips, finally turning to face Alicia again, though he made to effort to walk back over.

Alicia nodded. “I’ve no doubt they’ll take what you found into consideration, they can’t afford not to. No one is going to let this rest until the guilty person is found. In the meantime I need to get you back to duty as soon as I can, that starts with this Counselling session, and the subsequent follow ups.”

“Well… we might be at this for a while, Alicia.” S’hib remarked as he glanced at Naxea before tilting his head down and exhaling gently.

“It’s not just what happened to Miraj thats getting to me, but… those other things, I’d rather talk to you about them on my own,” He then looked up, seemingly lost for a moment as he looked up at Alicia. “If that’s ok.”

Alicia nodded. “Of course, it’s okay S’hib we can talk in private in my office whenever you’re ready.”

Naxea had listened to the exchange and felt a bit hurt that S'hib couldn't talk to her about it. She stops. "I'm going to check on Sle'anna," she stepped off towards the bedroom.

He sighed, wanting to say something as he watched her leave. He knew that look, that tone all too well.

"It's, ...It's not so much that I don't want to talk to her, about these things." He began, talking softly as he placed his drink down, suddenly put off by it.

"I do... It's just, at the moment all I want to do is-"

He paused, raising his hands and balling them into tight fists as if he were trying to grip reality itself.

"-Scream!" He spat, his voice low but full of anger. "And I won't do that around her, I won't do that around either of them..."

Then he fell silent, shaking his head as if already dismissing anything Alicia might say to rebut him. "So book me in, I'm done running from how I feel.”