After dinner - A minty conversation

Posted on Sun Mar 10th, 2024 @ 5:52am by Crewman Adelaide Kirkby & Lieutenant JG Miraj Derani

Mission: Season 6: Episode 4: Memory Lane
Location: USS ELYSIUM - CREWMAN KIRKBY'S QUARTERS
Timeline: MD07 - DINNERTIME
2505 words - 5 OF Standard Post Measure

[ON:]

Miraj shoved the plate away, feeling pleasantly full, and then idly chased the last smear of chocolate sauce around it with a finger, and then sucked it clean. "I needed that. Thank heavens for replicators. If i had to be out here without chocolate, I'd go mad in short order."

Adelaide finished her slice of chocolate cheesecake with a satisfied smile, "Oh gawwd! I know what you mean. It got to the point that I understand how the chocolate bars in a ration pack can become currency." She set her fork down and picked up a demitasse of coffee. The teeny-tiny mug, she downed in a single shot. It was a very good dinner.

It was moments like these that she cherished. She took a moment to take of just how lucky she was. Lucky to be here, lucky to be alive. Lucky to have friends who cared about her. One of those friends was in the brig at this moment. The thought stayed at the edges of her thinking. Later tonight she would decide what to do. In fact, she had already decided to not press any charges. She put it out of her mind.

There was low background music playing. Some happy jazz music it sounded like. Upbeat but not distracting. "Its been a while since I've thought to have anyone over for dinner. Over for anything really. Before the accident, I was spending too much time in work. Our time on the planet kind of reset my priorities."

"I think it did that for a lot of people." Miraj reached for her rum and ginger. "Nothing but snow and stars. Makes people philosophical."

Adele smiled, "Made me cold. I will never again complain about being too hot!" She sat back in her chair and pushed back from the table a bit. Folding her hands in her lap she asked, "You want to talk about your meeting with the Commodore? I didn't want to bring it up in front of the guys. I wasn't sure how free you are to talk about it?"

Miraj shrugged. "Not sure there's much to say. its all box ticking. She isn't really interested in anything I have to say."

Adelaide took a drink from her mug. Miraj seemed distant and...hurt. She had a desire to help and wanted to help but she had to proceed carefully. "I'm sure the Commodore is interested in what you have to say. You're the pilot, navigator. Whatever that's called. I think that the Commodore knows you are very important to the success of getting the ship back home." She knew that she was right.

"And I very much doubt that she would call a meeting to talk with her senior staff simply because its a checkbox somewhere in the 'How to be a starship captain' guidebook. Look what's happened to us under her watch? Her ship and crew have been flung so far out that in space that we're truly going where no one has been before. We spent months on a frozen world, we have 33% losses. We're lost. We're in hostile territory. She needs to know that the people she trusts are doing OK. As best as can be expected. And that includes you."

"You have thirty-three percent losses." Miraj's voice was dead. "I have ninety. But she just said I've lost "a number" of people. Like its no different to any one else. I lost almost everyone." she knocked back her rum. It was her fourth or fifth, but the buzz just wasn't coming. "But that's just a number."

"No. It's not just a number. They were people. They were our friends and they were this crew" she watched as Miraj downed another drink. "I don't have any experience losing people like that on any mission. I'm just a clerical support person. I'm the one that types the data into the computer to process someone's promotion, someone's rate changes. Marriage or status changes. I used to process the benefit claims without really understanding that the person was...lost. Gone. Died. Not really did I understand what that feels like. Before working for the Colonel, before being assigned to this ship it was all just...paperwork." She rested her elbows on the dinner table again, "Miraj? It's not supposed to be easy. It's not right that it happened. It shouldn't have. But you didn't get a choice in where to go or how it happened. You made a decision. That's why you're in that chair. To make those decisions. You'll have to make them again. Feeling bad about it isn't good for you. Or healthy for you."

"I'm not feeling bad." There was a beat "Okay I am feeling bad, but not because of that. I've come to terms with that. I think. I worked that out the night... that night." Miraj pulled at a strand of hair from one of her bunches.

"Its... its... its like everyone dying just...it didn't happen. Everyone is acting like it didn't happen, and its no big deal: I even got a fucking promotion that I never asked for, didn't want, and tried to refuse and no-ones listening and no-one seems to notice that I lost almost everyone and I don't know what to do because no one is listening and no-one is seeing and all of us who's left are at each other's throats because of the other thing, when we should be pulling together and I don't know how to fix it, because I can't even get a milkshake with any of them, because I've got to have someone from security watching me all the hours of the day and they tell you about handling losing a crew member at the academy, but they never tell you how to cope with ... with... an extinction event and I'm so lost and we're practically becalmed without a QSD, and I don't know what to do, its just goes round and round and-"

The young pilot finally ran out of air, tried to gulp in some more and burst into tears.

Adele got out of her chair and pulled it next to her. This young woman has been dragging this weight around since the accident and it was a terrible weight to bear it up alone. "Let it out. This pain has been a long time coming Lieutenant."

"Don't call me that!" Miraj spat back, pulling away sharply "I don't want it!"

Adele pulled back a bit more sharply than she intended. She realized that sudden movements still caused her alarm. She took a moment and calmed herself, "Oh, OK. I didn't know. I'm sorry." She stayed in her spot a moment longer and then said, "I didn't realize that it bothered you. But, thinking about it now, I can see why it would feel so wrong and so undeserved. I can even imagine that its not so much a promotion as it feels so much more like a badge of shame. A kind of modern day scarlet letter."

"They wouldn't listen. I told them not to, told them I didn't want it. But it didn't matter. Like I said, she doesn't listen." Miraj scrubbed at her eyes. "Its not a reward. I don't deserve it. I haven't got us home yet. Its just to make them feel better."

Adelaide listened and heard so many "I" statements in Miraj's reply. It didn't take a Counselor to hear that Miraj felt entirely responsible for the disaster and utterly useless after the attack. And what did she get for it? A promotion. It was rather awkward. There are no easy fixes. Adele could see that Miraj had a long journey ahead of her. She remembered a story that her mum had told her when she was jut a wee girl. So, she switched tactics and got up from the table a moment.

"I think I'll put on the tea. I could use a cuppa and I rather think you could too."

Adele made requested a teapot, water and some tea, "Pinkies Out Tea - For Life's Snootiest Moments". She put the tea into the infuser and then the infuser into the teapot and the boiling water. She brought the teapot back to the table. Hoping that the brief interlude allowed Miraj a break. Sitting back down Adele said, "I'll just let that brew a moment."

She looked at Miraj and then said, "When I was a kid, my mum told me this story and it helped me out. Maybe it will help you a little too? I mean, while we wait for our tea huh?

She said to me, 'The best stories always start with 'Once upon a time', in a small village nestled between rolling hills and lush forests, there lived a young shepherd named Lucas. Lucas was known throughout the village for his kind heart and gentle demeanor. He tended to his flock of sheep with care and dedication, ensuring they grazed in the greenest pastures and were safe from harm.

One spring morning, as Lucas led his sheep to a new pasture, he stumbled upon a wounded bird lying helplessly on the ground. Its delicate wings were broken, and it let out feeble chirps of distress. Lucas, overcome with compassion, gently cradled the bird in his hands. The poor thing was in such pain and distrees and he vowed to nurse it back to health."

She stopped speaking, put a finger up and Adele checked the teapot and dabbed at the infuser before setting it back and saying, "I like my tea strong. I don't see the point in weak tea. Where was I? Ah!" she continued.

"For days, Lucas tirelessly cared for the bird, feeding it, keeping it warm, and tending to its injuries. And the bird got better. And even when the bird was clearly better, Lucas still kept it for a few days more. And then it was a whole week. After a time, his efforts paid off, and soon the bird regained its strength, fluttering its wings with newfound vigor. Lucas, though he adored and loved the bird, knew it was time to release the bird back into the wild where it belonged.

But as he watched the bird take flight, a pang of guilt washed over Lucas. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had deprived the bird of its freedom by keeping it captive for so long. Despite his good intentions, Lucas couldn't help but feel responsible for the bird's suffering. A new kind of suffering of being trapped and captive. And he was responsible and a bit feeling selfish for keeping the bird so long."

Adele poured out the tea into two mugs. The aromatic, steamy drink filled the mugs and she moved one over to Miraj during the momentary pause, "This kind of tea takes no milk or sugar...or rum I'm afraid." She tooka sip and hoped that this would help. She set her tea down and continued.

"So, he was feeling very bad,, as you can imagine. Lucas, disturbed by his guilt, sought counsel from the village elder, a wise old woman known for her sage advice. The old woman, long in years and in tooth, listened patiently to Lucas's tale. She sat in her rocking chair and after a long while, opened her eyes and looked at him with kindness and then spoke softly, "Guilt, like the shadow cast by the setting sun, follows those who carry it. But remember, Lucas, guilt serves as a reminder of our humanity and our capacity to empathize with others. Use it not to dwell in regret, but as a guiding light to do better."

At first, the woman's words did not make sense to him. He thanked her and as he was walking home, with these words in mind, he resolved to channel his guilt into action. Knowing that guilt, when tempered with kindness and self-reflection, could lead to growth and redemption."

Miraj sniffed, rubbing at her face with the back of one hand. "Needs more pirates," she tried to smile, but her heart wasn't in it yet.

Adele smiled and laughed once, "Ha! You're probably right. You'll just have to tell my mom the next time we see her." Adele just let that sit there a moment. The slightl awkwardness of the silence. But it was important to do so. Everything in life can't just be fixed right back to where it started.

Adele just sat with her and let Miraj recover. She didn't try to fix anything. Or tell her to bear it up. Or tell her things will be alright. Or any other vacuous platitudes. This was life. In all its glory. And when the moment was right, she handed her some tissues to refresh the used ones and sitting across from her she said. "I see you and I hear you. I wish that there was something I could say that would help. You've been carrying this around with you for too long luv. You don't know what to do next because you can't see the next step? Welcome to being Human and Boslic. We never know the full picture. We are never given all the facts. You don't need to have all the answers. No, they don't tell you how to handle the really awful stuff."

She just sat with her and let the powerful emotion have its moment - as long as it took. "You might find this hard to believe, but more people than you realize still admire and respect you. Most of life is just about showing up. I'd say, the largest part is being there. When the Commodore met with you I bet she wanted to talk with you like we're talking now. With someone that is real. Who has some idea of what she's going through. Maybe the meeting was also about seeing who will be genuine and honest with her? And she knows you've been through way more than anyone should have to go through."

There was just a brief, awkward pause. Adelaide filled it with, "I bet you're a bit tired? Tired of carrying this monstrous burden around your neck all the time ay? I'm glad you are here. Let me say it again. I am glad that you are here. That you can be real with me. And I will be real with you. We need those kinds of friends. Because, you are spot on right - we need each other out here. Every one of us needs someone else. If we do that, we will find our way back again. Everything has been going so bad; it just has to start going right again."

Adele smiled at her and let her Security escort, Igor, know that they were done for the evening and that he could escort Miraj back to her quarters. She made Igor a "to go" box, thanked them and gave Miraj a quick hug before bidding them a goodnight.

[OFF:]