An Ear to Bend, A Shoulder to Lean On

Posted on Wed Sep 4th, 2024 @ 3:13am by Captain Gary Taylor & Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D.

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: Counseling Offices
Timeline: Current
2281 words - 4.6 OF Standard Post Measure

Gary stood outside Tate's office. He had chosen to come see her as she had counseled him after his return from the Romulan prison and helped him get past the guilt he felt. Now, he was needing her assistance again to help with the loss of Lia. He needed to deal with that as well as love, care and provide for Little Lia. this was a time of adjustment for both of them. Especially Little Lia, as this was the second mother she had lost in her young life. He straightened his tunic, wipe invisible dust from it and pressed the chime to signify his arrival.

"Come," Tate called out, her office doors automatically hissing open. She turned and saw Gary standing in the doorway. "Hi," She offered gently.

Gary stood there, silhouetted in the doorway, looking back at her, "Hi, Tate." He replied. "So, what's new?" He asked to break the ice.

Tate tilted her head to the side in a gesture that said she knew he wasn't really here to check up on her in the middle of the workday. "My skin cells," she answered cheerfully. "Yours?"

Gary chuckled at Tate's reply. "Good one Tate. I think mine are also new. Or they were when the day started."

"Damn these bodies for aging," Tate remarked. "Change is the only constant, as they say." She gestured for him to make his way inside and to make himself comfortable.Sullivan knew he would reveal himself if she remained patient.

"True enough Tate." Gary answered as he moved into the office and waited for Tate to join him before he went any further on the reason for his visit and seeing her.

Making herself comfortable across from Gary, Tate made a show of fluffing the cushion before offering, "Do I need to ask what this is about?"

Gary shook his head, "No, no need to play twenty questions Tate. I think you know, its about moving on from Lia."

Sullivan did indeed know. It was difficult to address the subject of Lia without it triggering her own guilt. Counselors were supposed to prevent psychological suffering. She comforted herself with the thought that that was what she was doing now for Gary. Only time would tell if that would be enough. "Moving on or mourning what has happened?"

Gary sat on the couch. He looked to Tate. He felt comfortable and at ease talking with her, he trusted her. "Good question Tate. Mourning Lia or rather the Lia I fell in love with and still love. The Lia in stasis is a stranger to me. I just feel like I could have done more but I did all I could."

Sullivan remained silent for a moment, her own guilt coming to the fore. She took a moment to let it pass. She needed to be here for Gary. " if that's true, why do you think you continue to think you could've done more?"

Gary looked at Tata for a moment maybe two before he replied. He wasn't mad at the question; it gave him reason to think. "Excellent question Tate. My answer is because I'm Lia's husband and its part of my make up to do make sure I've done all I can even when I know I have. I keep looking for something more to do."


"It sounds like your heart needs time to accept what your head already has. I think that's a more universal experience than any of us ever realize."

Gary nodded soberly, "You are probably right Tate." Gary replied. "It is just hard to accept at least for me." He admitted.

"It would be for anyone," Tate assured. "This struggle isn't a sign of weakness. Are you taking all the steps to take care of yourself? Making sure you eat, do your best to sleep, and not isolate yourself?"


Gary offered a lopsided smile. "I have Little Lia to look after Tate. So, I'm doing what I can. I eat. Sleep is a few hours a night. Isolate myself? I'm the XO Tate. I talk to everyone." He replied, knowing his answer wasn't what Tate was looking for.


Tate merely waited, but the quirked nature of her eyebrow indicated she wasn't buying it.


Gary didn't reply for a few seconds just staring back at Tate. However, he did crack a smile at the quirking of one of her eyebrows. "Not buying this Tate?" He replied as he knew she wasn't.

Despite the seriousness of the moment, Tate found herself offering with a slight smile, "I may have been born at night, but not last night."

Gary nodded and his weak smile stayed on his face. "No Tate, you weren't born last night, and I meant no offense." He sighed, "Its hard Tate," He admitted. "I spend as much time as I can with Little Lia. We talk, I read to her. I tuck her in a night. I do eat. Should i eat better? Probably. I sleep like I said a few hours a night and then a new day starts."

"It sounds like you're doing everything you need to do for other people and the bare minimum for yourself," Tate replied. "How long do you think you can keep that up before you collapse?"

Gary was silent for a few seconds before he replied. "As long as I have to Tate and that isn't meant to be flip. Little Lia needs me, she is my child my responsibility. I'm not going to shuffle her off just so I can get a few hours of sleep."

"I see," Tate began, "So just to recap, little Lia, who just lost her mother unexpectedly for reasons she can't possibly comprehend is going to get to watch her father's physical and mental health gradually decline all while he acts like a helicopter parent who reinforces the idea that others can't be trusted because her father won't let anyone else care for her. Is that about it?"

Gary's eyes narrowed at Tate's term. "No Tate, that isn't about it, not by a longshot. You have a lot of nerve calling me a helicopter parent. This isn't about trust. I have had others watch Little Lia. it's about responsibility. If I shuffle her off, she will feel I don't care or worse I don't want her or love her. I'll be accused of being an absentee parent."

"By whom?" Tate asked, not troubled by Gary's anger and believing they were getting somewhere. "Who could possibly see you as an absentee parent out of all the people that truly matter?"

"I don't know Tate. This is a big ship and all it takes is one." Gary replied, his anger cooling as he spoke. "All I know is LL is my child, my responsibility." he finished.

"I'm not disagreeing with you there," Sullivan offered. "All we're talking about is finding a balance between extremes. LL needs a parent who takes good care of himself and gives her space to grow, which includes learning to trust herself and others. I hear your worry about what others may think or say, but I wonder, where is this worry about what others might or might not think coming from?"

"I don't know Tate." Gary answered. "I do know that people can be jealous or envious and that they can say or do things that are hurtful and damaging. I don't want that to happen here." He paused for a moment before he spoke again. "I may be overreacting, but I would rather be safe than sorry."

Tate was utterly perplexed by Gary's seeminglly sudden paranoia over the potential reactions of nameless people. She knew him well enough to know he didn't care about winning a popularity contest, so what was it? Then, it hit her and she felt dense for not seeing it. It took her two false starts before she managed to keep the catch out of her voice. "Lia's illness is not your fault. You didn't cause it and you can't prevent it from happening to someone else by walking on egg shells."

Gary was silent as he just looked at Tate. His emotions at war across his face. After a few seconds he spoke in a stilted. stiff voice. "I know that Tate. I know Lia is ill, deathly ill. I know I feel totally helpless over it. I know that I'm going to protect LL."

"From what?" Tate asked gently. "Everything? Even the things we don't understand? How? By worrying about everything and anything and holding onto her so tightly you fall apart and she becomes afraid of everything in the process?" Sullivan reached out and placed a gentle hand on his arm. "Gary, I know you're terrified and perhaps you're even feeling incredibly guilty. I get that more than you realize, believe me. Please trust me when I tell you this is a trauma reaction and it's not sustainable. Remember when you came back from the prison and your body and mind were on high alert? That's what this is, except now you're not just focused on protecting yourself, you're hypervigilant for LL. It's not a crazy response or a weak response, just not a healthy one."

"As a parent, a parent who cares and loves his child." Gary answered in a low, determined voice." He grew quiet and for several moments silence filled the air. "I do trust you Tate. I trust you implicitly and completely and I know you care and understand that you're not just saying the words." Gary said in a somber voice as he grew quiet again. More silence followed and then he spoke. "I don't want to lose LL Tate." He admitted. I want to protect her. I know I can't protect her from everything. However, I still want to no matter how illogical and unrealistic that is. Hence why I am here."

"I will never fault you for wanting to protect anyeone you love. It's the way you do it that's important. Since we agree your current plan of protection isn't ideal, I'm wondering, what's one small change you could make to maintain your health and ease up on her a little?"

"She is three Tate, and I don't have a tracking device on her. I was going to wait for her to become a teenager before I went that route." Gary joked. "Its not like I'm riding herd on her. As for a small change, I am open to suggestions."

"I'm not accusing you of being a helicopter father...yet," Tate replied with her own smile, "but keeping on the subject, you do seem to be focusing on LL at the expense of your own needs. I absolutely could offer suggestions, but I'm curious to hear what you think you could follow through on."

"Tate." Gary began, "I don't follow LL around or have cameras in position everywhere she goes or ask security to check out her friends." He repeated, "Why don't you tell me your suggestions and we can go from there."

"I'm glad to hear that," Tate replied, referring to what Gary shared he wasn't doing...yet. She knew he meant well with LL and so she decided to focus on her concerns for his well-being. "I'm not sharing my suggestions because I want to hear your ideas, which will perhaps be more motivating for you...do you disagree you need to take a bit more care of yourself?"

"I know you think I need to take a bit more care of myself." Gary volleyed back and then held a hand up to stop any retort from her. "However, to stop any argument, yes I will concede I need to take a bit more care of myself. For I plan on being here for LL for a long time. Satisfied?" He finished with a small smile.

"One more thing," Tate replied with a grin, actually holding up a finger. "What is one *specific* thing you will do to take better care of yourself? I find that just committing to take better care of oneself is a bit too broad and harder to follow through with, while something specific but small can lead to more lasting change."

"Oh Tate." Gary said in mock frustration at her wanting one specific item from in regard to taking better care of himself. "Hmmmm, let's see...." He muttered as he thought of what he could tell Tate to appease her. He thought for several seconds then he had it! A smile coming to his face. "Okay, got it. I will come and see you every two weeks so you can see how my mental health is."

Despite this clashing of wills, Tate nearly laughed out loud. She had to give it to Gary for holding onto his stubborn streak, a trait she had forgotten about within him. "I suppose that's a start, but don't think you're going to get off this easy at the next visit, okay?"

Gary grinned broadly at Tate's reply. He liked Tate and respected her immensely. He liked talking with her, even bantering and go back and forth She was intelligent and had a good sense of humor. "Ah!" He cried triumphally. "I see a grin on your face and you're trying to suppress a laugh. As far as getting off easy, I would never think that and okay for the next time.."

"Don't mistake my patience and good humor for defeat," Sullivan teased. "I'm just getting started."

Gary smiled at her and grew serious. "I would never think that Tate. I know you are a dedicated and compassionate counselor. I also know you are nowhere near defeat. This is just the opening volley."