Avengers.....ASSEMBLE!!!

Posted on Thu May 2nd, 2019 @ 1:00pm by Lieutenant JG Gallia Norris & Petty Officer 1st Class Kaywin-Li Fray & Captain Garrett Lovejoy [ Taylor]

Mission: Episode 1: Hell is a four letter word
Location: Anje's Quarters
Timeline: after Visiting Engineering
2262 words - 4.5 OF Standard Post Measure

Gallia hadn't wasted much, if any time, getting her people together and sending a message to Fray: Meet us in Lt. Cdr. Brett's Quarters and bring EX.-Gallia "And now we wait." She said, turning to her assembled friends.

"Remind me never to piss you off." Liorga joked, though the sentiment was real, Gallia had taken this whole thing with Lovejoy very personally.

"Gallia, are you sure this is a good idea?" Anje sighed, worried that Gallia might be about to get herself in a lot of trouble just to get back at one self-important jackass for attacking.... someone she barely knows? "I'm really not sure about this."

"We're just going to demonstrate our capabilities to the man is all." Gallia said with a wink, "Dinnae fash yaself, lass."

"Can't believe I'm going along with this." Anje shook her head, "I mean, I don't even know what she just said!"

As Estelle walked in, she asked, "Before we do anything, tell me what it's about?" She sat down with Liorga, putting her arm around her girlfriend and waiting for an explanation.

"Basically Cdr. Lovejoy, who I neither love nor find to be a joy, started ripping into Fray about her exocomp today, made it pretty obvious he plans to try to hack it.' Liorga began, "I'll leave the rest of the story to William Wallace over there."

"Fine, fine." Gallia laughed, "So, we're gonna, with the help of our lovely ops manager, block the comin' hack, an' then we're gonna send 'im a bonny little surprise back. Aye, bonny indeed!"

"I'm scared." Liorga laughed, cuddling Estelle in faux terror, though it was really a feeling her up kind of thing.

When next the door whooshed open Sami Justice came through, "Okay, so is Operation Dildo Drop on?"

"Aye!" Gallia grinned, "We're awaitin' Ms. Fray and plottin' one Cdr. Lovejoy's doom."

"Sweet." Sami clapped her hands together, "I was afraid I missed it already."

Kaylee was next to arrive with EX in tow. She was a little confused by the message she’d received and more than a little concerned for EX. Ever since Commander Lovejoy’s dressing down, she’d been secluded in the jefferies tubes collecting herself. Looking around at the others already in the room, she stopped still just inside the door, “um...reporting as ordered?”

"Calm down, Fray." Gallia said with a smile, "We're just wantin' ta help ya with dealin' with that no good Lovejoy."

"Right." Liorga chimed in, "We think he's going to try and hack EX..."

"But we're not gonna let that happen." Gallia promised, "Between us an' Cdr. Brett here."

“That’s not going to happen” Kaylee said, turning to EX with a determined look on her face. Reaching up, she opened a panel on the side of EX to reveal a small console, “if that uptight ass wants to screw with my buddy, he’ll get more than he deserves” she said, activating a high level diagnostic.

"Now that's the spirit, lass!" Gallia clapped her hands, "We're gonna implant a program, send it straight back to one Commander Lovejoy, somethin' he cannae duck!"

Estelle grinned. "We can programme his sonic shower to emit a certain pigment that'll bind with his epidermis, turning him... well, any colour you like, for a few days", she suggested.

''Not sure if that's a great idea, love." Liorga shook her head, "I'm not a fan, either, but that's technically an assault. Got something else?"

"Ducks." Gallia suggested, "He cannae duck us, but we can duck him."

"You do realise the skipper and the XO are going to come complaining straight to me once they hear about it, right?" Estelle said. "Well, Gary, anyway. I'm not sure the Captain even knows, maybe she's still oblivious as to who placed that wooden duck on her desk?"

"Or to me.'' Gallia offered, it was just as reasonable to think Taylor would come ask her as Estelle, "Anyone wants out can bail now, I willnae hold it against any a' ya. But, this guy, he attacked one a' our own. No, two of our own." She walked over and turned to EX, "I dinnae know if ya can understand me, EX, but far as I'm concerned, you're a member of our team, an' if Commander Lovejoy comes at one a' us, he's picked that fight with all of us."

"And here I thought I was the crazy one", Estelle whispered to Liorga. "Now Gallia's talking to a piece of gear."

"Uh, yeah, about that, love...." Liorga whispered back, "I'm not so sure EX is merely a piece of gear. I mean, I know this is going to sound crazy, but, he seems to be something much more. I don't know how to explain it, but, he's almost... maybe not human, but way more than a machine."

“EX is an advanced VI with the ability to learn and grow. It took me almost two years to create a stable matrix for him. His brothers and sisters weren’t so lucky” Kaylee explained, having EX project his schematics holographically. “And yes he can understand you.”

"Then I hope you understand his welcome includes you, Kaylee." Gallia stated, "I've wanted ya for the team since Cdr. Taylor told me I was gettin' it. All ya gotta do is say yes."

Sami watched as Petty Officer Fray mulled over Gallia's offer, hoping she'd accept it. She knew from Cortic that Fray could handle herself when it hit the fan, plus she was brilliant at the job. It didn't hurt that she was kind of cute, either.

Anje watched Sami watching Kaylee, ~I see what's going on here.~ She thought, smiling broadly, "Kaylee, not to try to sway you or anything, but Lt. Norris obviously thinks a lot of you to ask you to join her team. Wouldn't look bad on the resume, either. I think accepting the offer is very logical."

Kaylee looked around confused, "Wait, what's going on? Why did you ask us here?"

"To protect EX, stop Lovejoy's impending hack of him, and add you to Lt. Norris' field engineering team." Liorga answered, having already expected to have to do so; Fray was an overthinker, so she came prepared for just that, "It's all good all the way around. Relax."

"I'm happy to join whatever team I am required to. I'm here to work, not just stand around looking pretty" Kaylee said, turning to Liorga, "if you want me, here I am. Just make sure my big girl is still here when I get back to her."

"I'm pretty sure we can manage that." Liorga agreed, tempted to tell Fray that she wasn't required to join anything, but deciding not to confuse the issue any further, "Glad to have you with us."

"Which just leaves one question", Estelle chimed in. "Where's Kara? I'd have thought you were going to get her to weigh in on the pranking?" She looked at Gallia, who was the obvious one to have included her.

"She's still in engineerin', no doubt dealin' with Commander Lovejoy an' his nasty attitude." Gallia said with a snarl, she'd never thought she could come to hate someone so much, so quickly, "An' I figure we got little time before that hack tries to hack EX, so I wanted to get right to it."

"Now, I'm happy to help you with the little prank", Estelle said. "You know I enjoy them for their own merits. But seriously, as annoying as it is to have inspections, do you think it's actually personal? Let's just have some fun with him, okay?"

"Right, right." Gallia relented, "Cancel the photon torpedo."

~Photon torpedo?~ Anje shook her head, she could never tell when that freakishly tall Scot was joking, "Okay, so just a plain old prank, nothing malicious. I'm fine with this."

"So, beyond any hacking safeguards, for which I am eminently unqualified, what about playing with the holoemitters a bit?" Estelle suggested. "We'd have to disable local commands for a little while, and we could then flood his quarters with ducklings. Wouldn't that be fun to wake up to?"

"Aye, that would be the way to go, I think." Gallia nodded. turning to Anje, "Can ya do it?"

"The anti-hacking protocols will be easy." Anje replied, "Sending the ducks back to him, also easy. But it's up to you, Kaylee. You good with all of this?"

"Oh, and have you heard of an extinct Australian species, bullockornis, also known as the demon duck of doom?" Estelle added.

"I know he's a bit of a dick, but can't we just program his shower to cover him in mud or something of that nature? i'd rather not face a court martial" Kaylee said, looking around at her 'co-conspirators'

"Dinnae ya worry, Kaylee." Gallia reassured, "Them ducks will only be holographic."

"Right." Anje nodded, the holographic ducks were far less likely to get them in trouble than mud... or photon torpedoes.

Kaylee felt a little uncomfortable with the whole situation now. she didn't like the idea of someone messing with EX, but he hadn't done anything yet. after a deep breath, Kaylee nodded, "alright, we'll go with the holograms"

"Okay." Anje nodded, inputting the code into the hacking prevention software. Once finished she smiled wickedly, "And now we wait."

In Lovejoy's quarters he sat at his desk a PaDD in his hand, he could do almost anything with it. He was an accomplished computer programmer/hacker as those 'engineers' were about to find out. He easily and quickly found Ex's signature and isolated it. "Hello my little friend. Don't worry I won't hurt you. Just making a point." He quickly found the high level diagnostic and bypassed it. "Amateurs." He scoffed and continued on.

The problem with Lovejoy's attack was faulty intel, he thought he was going up against a few pissed off engineers, not realizing he was now playing 3D chess against a Vulcan master. A Vulcan master filled with Russian tenacity; EX, friend and tool, was now as sacred as the Motherland, and there was no land beyond the Volga for them. The high level diagnostic Lovejoy bypassed was the trigger Anje had planted. First it activated the anti-hacking protocols, sending Lovejoy into an endless collection of heavily packed junk files, all of which would delete from EX as soon as the attack broke. Then, well, that's where it got interesting, ~Don't ever screw with the Russians, tovarich.~

The holoemitter in Lovjoy's quarters activated, first it was a dozen ducks dancing and singing the can can, followed by Estelle's requested 'Demon duck of doom', the first duck Anje had ever seen that she didn't consider cute, then, the piece de resitance, a mallard drake, disguised as a hen, in a long blonde wig, sobbing so hard mascara ran down it's face and stained it's white t-shirt, imploring Lovejoy, "LEAVE EX ALONE!!! ALONE!!!"

Encountering the junk files annoyed him but he sat bolt upright as his quarters exploded with ducks! Dancing ducks, a truly horrific duck then a mallard if he wasn't mistaken imploring him to leave EX alone. "Oh, very funny." He snarled and got back to work. He set up a trojan to look and act as if he was working in one area and deal with the junk files where he was really attacking in another.

"Nice." Anje grinned, easily detecting the Trojan; her aunt had taught her well. Sending a Trojan to Lovejoy's Trojan, she activated the final duck.

A large, white duck, they used to call them 'farm ducks' appeared in front of Lovejoy with an olive branch in it's mouth, which it dropped at his feet before speaking in the voice of Old Hollywood star Morgan Freeman, "Commander Lovejoy, we can do this all night if you'd like, but we've all got better things to do. We offer a truce as proof that we're as mature as we are creative since you no longer need proof how well this crew works together. Now, if you accept this, pick up the olive branch and walk to your replicator and ask for menu item olive branch-1, if not, well, we've got enough of Cdr. Sthilg's special coffee where we don't have to sleep for weeks."

Despite his annoyance at their gall a smile graced his lips. He had to give them credit they were a talented bunch he couldn't deny that. He was also satisfied that EX was secure from any hacking. He picked up the olive branch and walked to the replicator and asked for the menu item olive branch. Once done he stood back.... just in case he was about to be sprayed with duck sauce or some other sticky mess.

The replicator didn't spray Lovejoy with duck sauce, instead producing a dish of caviar and a bottle of good Russian vodka. Mallard Freeman then walked over, "We're glad you're satisfied, Commander, please enjoy this fine repast with our compliments, though you might wanna sip that vodka slowly, it kicks like a Siberian mule." With that, all the ducks vanished, leaving Lovejoy alone to enjoy his reward for a good fight.

He smiled, opened the vodka, poured himself a glass raising it in a silent salute to his noble foes.

-Off

OOC: Lovejoy--- Bravo! Oh bravo to all the authors in this post that made up the 'noble foes' a job very well done. You can all be proud of your efforts. I salute you.