Stuck in Neutral

Posted on Thu Oct 22nd, 2026 @ 5:43am by Commander Alicia Kelea-Salik & Lieutenant JG Savar cha'Salik hei-Surak Talek-sen-deen [PPC] [Taylor

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: Savar and Alicia's quarters
Timeline: After "Aftermath"
1467 words - 2.9 OF Standard Post Measure

While it was good to be home and with his beloved wife and children and out of the glare of the trial Savar was frustrated. He had attempted to meditate but it brought him no satisfaction no closure to what he considered an open wound. His self worth had been badly shaken by the guilty verdict of his trial. Even as he tried to find logic in the verdict he could not. He was in the room he and Alicia used as study and let out an audible sigh. "Alicia." He called to his wife, "Will you please come to the study."

Alicia heard Savar’s call, leaving their younger children in their son Soral’s safe care for a little while she headed to him. “Savar? Are you alright?” She gave him a worried look knowing that he’d become more and more unsettled of late.

Savar saw the look on Alicia's face and knew it was because of him. His trial indeed his guilt had caused her to worry far more than normal. "I am frustrated and it cannot continue to go on." He answered honestly. "I have attempted to meditate on several occasions and been unable to do so. When you are frustrated what helps you deal with it?"

“Me?” Alicia offered a more relieved smile. “Apart from bawling my eyeballs out over a tub of ice cream, there is some relief to be had throwing soft cushions around the room.” She grinned. “Actually the most relief for me comes in talking with you, to be able to share my feelings openly and honestly is the biggest relief of all.”

Savar was quiet as Alicia said he was her main tool in dealing with frustration. "Indeed. You honor me." He answered honestly. "Then I shall do the same with you. As I have found both your advice and outlook to most useful and positive."

“I wish I could provide more solace for you Imzadi” Alicia added as she gave him a caring gaze. “You have been, and always will be, my rock. The one who keeps me going no matter what.” She paused. “You need to be able to reach a meditative state, you know as well as I do that not being able to meditate will take a heavy toll on your mental health. Is there anything I can do to help with that? Meditate with you, or have Soral meditate with you?”

Savar nodded at Alicia's insight. "To be able to meditate is a principle of Vulcan philosophy. It allows one to center themselves and find a harmony." He shook his head "Soral is too young to properly meditate with me. However you can join me in my attempt to meditate. I believe your presence would have a calming, soothing effect needed to reach a true meditative state."

Alicia nodded. “Let me make sure Soral is alright looking after Connor and N’Vea first, I’ll be right back.” She quickly left the room to check before returning a few minutes later. “He’s fine, N’vea is sleeping and Connor is playing so I’ve told Soral to call me if he needs me.”

"Very good. I spread your mat out while you were gone. Let us attempt to meditate. Please get on your mat and prepare to meditate." Savar replied as he sat cross legged on his mat and steepled his fingers in front of him. "Relax your body and your mind will follow. Let yourself be one with your surroundings. Breathe through your nose."

Alicia nodded as she sat down letting herself relax. Savar had taught her how to meditate in the first place years ago. “Allow yourself to relax with me Imzadi, put all else out of your mind.”

Savar gave a short nod of his head. "You have learned well my love." As he closed his eyes and slowed his breathing, attempting to reach a meditative state.

Alicia let herself relax arriving on the meditative plain where she and Savar’s minds usually met, hoping to find him there.

Savar felt his body and mind relax as he moved to a meditative state. Arriving he let out a long breath and saw his soulmate and wife waiting for him to continue their journey.

“You did it” Alicia smiled. “I’m so relieved.”

"I was able to achieve this state due in no small part to your assistance, faith and love in me." Savar answered. "I am indeed honored and fortunate to have it."

“You will always have it” Alicia added. “Now tell me how you’re truly feeling, you’ve held out on me up until now, I’ve felt it, but I didn’t want to pressure you into talking about it. What haven’t you been wanting me to know?”

If anyone knew him it was Alicia. She knew him better than anyone. "You are correct. I have been holding back. I am trying to be more open minded over my sentence and being assigned to the academy counseling department but it is difficult to move forward as I feel confused over the entire situation or perhaps to be more precise I am unsure about myself. The trial and sentence have caused me to reflect on how I view myself. I have doubts my love where before I was confident. Now I seem to second guess myself. It seems like my former self has disappeared."

Alicia nodded. “I can’t say I’m surprised, in your position I would no doubt feel the same.” She paused. “Perhaps Phoenix is trying to give you a second chance with the cadets? Give you a chance to get to know them, and for them to change their perceptions of you. They don’t you like we all do, like I do. Maybe once you’ve had a chance to really get to know each other opinions will improve, which in turn means the situation will improve.”

"Perhaps." Savar conceded. "Though a meeting or a series of meetings would have served the same purpose as far the cadets and myself in getting to know each other better. I feel made an example Alicia." He paused, "Perhaps to know others opinions will improve and as you stated the situation will improve. Though I must admit I have my doubts. I am marked, a disgrace."

“You are no disgrace to me, or to many others onboard Savar. If not for you we would be mourning the loss of not just you, but Heather and her children, as well as the cadets. You were put in an impossible situation, one you had to choose between.” Alicia added. “You saved lives that day, for that I’m proud of you.”

"I am forever grateful for your love and support especially now. You see what others either simply gloss over or marginalize. I hope I always make you proud. For I am always proud of you my wife."

Ariana smiled both in their mindscape and in the real world. “Thank you Imzadi. I hope I always continue to do so.”

"You have no reason to ever doubt otherwise." Savar assured her. "You are the rare and ideal combination of intelligence and beauty and you do great justice to them both. I am indeed fortunate to have you in my corner."

Alicia smiled. “You came into my life when I needed someone the most, and I am forever grateful to the universe for sending you to me. We have each other and our children to keep us going.”

Savar's eyes were full of love for his remarkable wife who always managed to see the positive in any situation. "I will always be at your side as you are at mine and that means we will never be alone even in the darkest, most difficult times. Having our children with us makes the journey richer and more fulfilling."

Alicia nodded. “Finish meditating now my love, you need to concentrate on getting your mind and body fully rested. I need to check on our children, but I will be near if you need me to return.”

Savar looked at the Alicia in his mind. "Your help and support has been most beneficial. I would be lost without it. You are the most important ingredient for me being able to move forward."

“I will always be here for you no matter what Imzadi” Alicia smiled before her mind left the dreamscape, she quietly withdrew from the room leaving Savar to continue his meditation.

"I am the luckiest man in the universe to have a wife such as yourself." Savar intoned as Alicia left the mindscape so he could meditate.

<< As I am to have you Imzadi. >> Came Alicia’s telepathic acknowledgement as she stepped through the doors.

{OFF}