Tate/ Gary therapy JP

Posted on Thu Jan 16th, 2020 @ 6:40am by Captain Gary Taylor & Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D.

Mission: Casperia Prime - A lesson in relaxation
1775 words - 3.6 OF Standard Post Measure

Tate was glad to be sitting down with Gary again. Starfleet life didn't stop for either of them just because Gary had suffered significant psychological trauma, and recent events didn't exactly allow for them to return to a regular routine, but it didn't stop Sullivan from internally lamenting over the time between meetings. Not for the first time, she wondered if she should have pressed harder for Gary to take a longer break from duty. Under the best of circumstances command was challenging, but command plus the added burden of guilt and isolation? That had the potential to be nearly unbearable.

She sat before him, searching his eyes for any sign of pain, however small or tightly concealed. "I'm really glad to see you again. How are you?" It wasn't exactly a sophisticated clinical approach but often the simplest strategies were the most effective.

Sitting across from Tate, Gary didn't reply immediately he thought on his reply. How was he? Better he supposed. He still had guilt feelings about the whole prison ordeal. However he was back on duty, handling his duties without any difficulties yet he felt like he was walking on eggshells. As if he expected something to happen or rather he expected something bad to happen. However he said none of it to Tate. She would tell him it was normal and it would take time for things to return to normal. Perhaps that was the problem, he was impatient for the return to normalcy. Whatever that was. He smiled at her and said. "I'm good Tate and I'm glad to see you has well."

Taking note of the pause before he responded and then the simplicity of his actual response, she tilted her head and offered a small smile. "Before you answered, I thought I saw smoke coming from your ears. Are you sure you are just fine?"

Gary reached up and touched his ears, a small smile appearing on his face. "No smoke, not even hot. No smoke." He bantered before continuing. "Maybe not fine Tate more like okay." He clarified. Knowing Tate would want more details on his statement.

Tate wondered if he was reluctant to open up or just not sure what to say. "Care to elaborate? I'm not telepathic...yet," She quipped with a smile.

"What? Oh sorry Tate. That was pretty vague wasn't it?" Gary replied. "What I mean is I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. My relationship with Liselle is strained at best and I haven't talked to the Captain outside of official duty in ages. Lia and I seem to be okay in our relationship, so that is a plus." Gary answered. "And me having these guilt feelings isn't helping in making anything easier."

As a therapist, Gary's guilt and avoidance given what he'd been through made absolute sense and she knew better than to rush things. As a counselor concerned with the crew as a whole and its ability to carry out its missions, however, Tate knew she had reason to be concerned with more than just Gary's welfare. An XO not in communication, or at least in healthy communication with his CO, was a problem that required immediate attention. Right now, in this moment, though, she needed to address his concerns as a man, not just a mere commander. "Tell me more about walking on egg-shells. What is it you're afraid is going to happen if you break one?" She decided it was productive to keep the metaphor going.

Gary didn't rush a reply to Tate's question. He reflected on the question. What was he afraid of? The answer to him at least was obvious. "I'm afraid of making bad and strained relationships worse." He admitted. "I make sure I don't say anything even remotely that could cause a flashback to the prison and our time there. I avoid it like the plague. Especially with Liselle er Commander Qwyyn. I saw and heard her hatred and disgust for me. Now to be fair we've talked and we said we forgave each other but actions speak louder than words and there has been no action. The Captain and I haven't talked about it at all. It's never come up. She almost died because of me Tate! Because the Romulans wanted to break me. How do I talk to her about that? Where would I begin? Hi Captain? What's new since I almost got you killed?" He sighed and shook his head, " At least Lia and I are talking and we seem to be doing well."

Tate knew Gary understood he was not responsible for another person's mental health and possible experience of flashbacks, and as expected, he eventually revealed more of the guilt that truly drove him to avoid speaking with the captain and others. The guilt, of course, was no surprise, as they had been addressing it from the beginning of their sessions. Instead, Tate decided to at least temporarily focus on a source of hope. "You mentioned you and Lia, and you and Liselle are talking. How did that come about?"

"Lia and I just started talking. She was having some issues and I was there for her, helping her. Anje Brett and Liselle helped her as well. I guess we realized we both needed someone and it turned out to be each other. As for Liselle she had seen Counselor Hol who had her come to my quarters and she apologized for the things she said at the prison. Like I said we forgave each other but we haven't talked since then." He glanced at Tate. "I think Liselle isn't over the whole incident at the prison or at least what she sees as my part in it hence the avoidance in talking. I don't know if we're ever going to be the friends we were before this Tate or if we'll even be friends and that hurts." he finished going silent again.

"You won't be the friends you were before this experience, not because you did anything wrong or because she thinks you did anything wrong, but because this experience has changed all of you. How could it not? Change, pleasant and unpleasant, is inevitable. The question is, are you going to focus on how to accept and manage it, or are you going to continue to expend your energy railing against the fact things changed at all?" She let some silence hang between them before adding gently, "You've said you feel like you're walking on eggshells, that you're afraid to talk about any of this for fear it will elicit flashbacks and reminders for other people, but have you considered what you just said? When Lia was having problems, you just told me you helped her by talking about the very things you wished to avoid. Maybe it was just the start, but still, the two of you talked and she forgave you. Sometime ago would you have ever believed she would say those words?"

Gary shook his head and sighed, "It isn't that simple Tate. For one thing Lia and are in love so that helps. You know love conquers all wounds." A weak smile coming to his face. "It isn't that way with the Captain. I admire and respect her a great deal. I like her just as much but I know if the Romulans hadn't been so obsessive about capturing, breaking me, none of what happened to her would have ever occurred." He closed his eyes for a moment as he though on the most painful subject. When he reopened them they were haunted by ghosts of the past. "Liselle and I have a totally different relationship. Different than what the Captain and I have and different than what even Lia and I have. Liselle and my relationship is ...complex. She's my best friend and I think we're more like brother and sister in how we treat and see each other." He turned his eyes to Tate. "It was my best friend who told me she hated me and would never forgive me. How do I get past that Tate? How do we move on?"

Sullivan felt for Gary. His pain and underlying anger were palpable. In many ways, it was just as raw as it was the day he was rescued. The only difference seemed to be with the passage of time, he had been working that much harder to cover it. "Do me a favor for a moment. Let's pretend the shoe was on the other foot and I was you and you were my counselor. What would you tell me?"

Gary was silent as he thought on what Tate had suggested. Then he began to speak slowly at first but as he warmed to the subject he was in full stride. The words flowing from his mouth filled with emotion. "I'd say you aren't responsible for what happened at the prison the Romulans are. They were the ones that used you as an excuse to hurt your friends. You say you haven't talked to the Captain about this so you don't know how she feels. You may be projecting your feelings onto her. You need to talk, you owe it to yourself and her to find how exactly how she feels and then go from there. Liselle is different because your relationship is different. You've talked but you haven't taken any further steps. Your relationship isn't going to improve by avoiding each other. You need to talk and keep talking. You both suffered terribly both physically and mentally and that takes time to recover from. Remember what you had, strive to recapture it and you will. It may not be after one or two talks but you will get back to being the good friends you were." He finished and leaned back and looked across at Tate.

Tate's actions mirrored Gary' S as they both sat back in their chairs and regarded each other for a few beats in complete silence. Eventually, her features revealed a small smile as she offered, "I think that is excellent feedback, Counselor. Do you suppose you could be with me during a meeting with the captain to get the ball rolling on those talks we should have?"

Gary was speechless as Tate made her observation statement. "Are you serious?" He asked her but could see that she was. He shook his head. "I'd feel a lot better if you were with me Tate and thank you for listening and your patience in helping me find my way. I couldn't and I can't do this without you. All this progress is because of your skill."

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