Darkness Within

Posted on Thu Dec 10th, 2020 @ 11:40am by Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D. & Commander Arrianna Salannis an Vantar

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: Lt. Sullivan's Office
Timeline: Sometime
1377 words - 2.8 OF Standard Post Measure

The Counselor's office doorchime activated. Arrianna stood outside. The fact that tore her alternate's mind to pieces, would always weigh heavily upon her.

The door slid open to reveal Tate standing to one side with a small but welcoming smile. Normally, she would just call out for the door to open while she sat behind her desk, but given the number of trauma counseling sessions she has been doing lately, she wanted to offer a more personal approach. "Hello. Please, come in."

"Greetings, Counselor." Arrianna walked into the office. "I have to inform you of something that happened during the recent battle." Arri noted. "I thought you'd need to know this, so there would be no secrets between me and the Counseling department."

Curious about the surprising introduction and a bit concerned, she gestured for the other woman to make herself comfortable and take a seat wherever she liked. Normally, she would offer to get her something from the replicator, but sensing an eagerness to get whatever it was off her chest, Tate replied, " I see. What would that be?"

"When I was captured by my alternate. She attempted to puppet me. It is an ancient, powerful, and forbidden mind weapon once used by my people's ancestors to enslave minds. She attempted it upon me, but she could not completely control my mind, she didn't have the mental strength, and during this; she made me torture my partner, Josephine Carlyle." Arrianna sat down. Maintaining the calm sea that was her demeanor, though inside it was a calm sea in some parts, and a raging tempest everywhere else. "What happened next... might effect my next evaluation, I feel shame over it, Counselor."

"You're not alone when it comes to feelings of shame after our recent trauma," Tate reassured. "It's good that you are opening up about these things." Sullivan did not have any telepathic abilities, but she had enough experience recently and throughout her career to know when to let someone talk with minimal interruptions.

"I got raging angry against my alternate. Understand, Alindari don't get angry very often. We may show disapproval, even dislike people, but pure unfiltered rage... I've never had it happen like that." Arri noted. "Then I unleashed myself on my alternate, attacked her mind, and tore it to pieces. I would have killed her, if Josie didn't tell me to stop." Arri continued. "The anger is still there, but it's not as intense as before."

"I would never equate your culture with anyone else's and please know I'm not trying to dismiss the significance of your reaction, I just want to say you are not as alone in this as you may think and feel. I've spoken to many of your fellow crew mates who are struggling with similar shame over having done things they would consider completely out of character under normal circumstances. I suppose the question is, what does it mean to you that someone you care about needed to stop you from destroying someone who hurt you?"

Arri sat down. "The real battle was not becoming them. I shudder to think what they would have turned us into if we didn't fight back. If we'd become as unrepentantly savage."

"That's a sentiment I think we're all sharing," Sullivan replied with a nod. "The mirror universe was certainly a reminder for all of us about what can happen to people raised in such a culture. These days, we may focus a lot on genetics and biology, but that can't determine everything about a person. This latest experience was certainly proof of that."

"You needed to know what happened, Counselor. If I did not speak of events on the ISS Elysium, then I would be abusing the crew's trust. That being said. I have contacted Starfleet Medical and made them aware of the situation with the crew's mental wellbeing. They will dispatch additional counselors and therapists momentarily." Arri noted.

"They will allow you and Lt. Kelea-Salik to not be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work in the aftermath of this incident." Arri noted.

"I appreciate that," Tate replied, knowing some part of her did. There was another part of her, however illogical, that wondered if Arri doubted the department's ability to handle the demand. After all, this was far from the first time they had dealt with such a massive trauma. Then again, perhaps Alicia had requested such assistance. Still, it was going to take some time for any additional therapist to build rapport with the crew and following a travel was not an ideal time for that. She would, of course do anything she could to make sure there was a smooth transition.

"That being said, Counselor. You should know the memories I've absorbed from my alternate." Arrianna noted. "She was obsessed with wealth, titles, and privilege. And she was in the business of slavery for a long time. I feel the inborn desire to do things I wouldn't normally do. Am I now a creature of her avarice and passions?" She noted. "It's unimaginably easy now how I start behaving like her at times."

The circumstances of gaining such impulses were certainly unusual, but no mental health professional was a stranger to helping people navigate unhealthy desires, no matter their source. "I don't doubt the challenge these new circumstances present," Sullivan replied, "but I also know none of us are a stranger to sometimes conflicting natures. Do you believe having an immoral impulse is the same as being immoral?"

"I did not acquire this by natural means, Counselor. Normally during adolescence. Alindari master their emotions through a disciplined mind." Arri noted. "I'm going to have to ensure the tyrant inside is not let out."

"How are you coping with that challenge?" Tate inquired gently.

"I do not know, Counselor. No Alindari has ever absorbed the Aea, the mind and soul of one of us, of another. I may seal that part of my mind away, Counselor, as if I told you half the things the Viceroy did. You would not blame me for imprisoning the last fragments of her." Arri mentioned.

Tate had to admit, even with the cultural differences, it didn't seem like the wisest course of action for someone to seal away a piece of themselves, no matter how distinct, as a means of coping with its presence. Of course, Sullivan would readily admit, as a human, she more easily identified with the dangers of such a coping mechanism for humans. It was still standard practice to encourage integration of fragmented pieces of oneself so as not to battle with them. The belief was, as long as the self was fragmented, typically the result of extreme trauma most commonly in childhood, there was always a risk of lifelong debilitation. She paused, knowing intellectually it would be unwise to assume the same assumptions applied in the situation, but at the same time, could she ignore her gut? "I would not blame you," Sullivan echoed, "but still, I have to wonder if it's reasonable to think you can imprison those fragments away forever. Admittedly, there are many differences in the situation, but in my experience as a trauma therapist, the more someone tried to suppress some part of themselves, the more disruptive those those parts became. Might it be worth considering whether there's a way to integrate those fragments somehow rather than attempting to suppress them?"

"It's already happening, I find myself being driven by ill rational selfish desires at times." Arri mentioned. "The thing is, modern Alindari endeavor not to be ruled by base emotions, and I am familiar to the Viceroy."

"At the risk of sounding overly simplistic, modern humans endeavor not to be ruled by base emotions as well. Perhaps a good place for us to start is to help you accept those parts of yourself and see yourself with more compassion and less judgment?"

Arri nodded. "Very well, however be mindful of my Counselor. If I start enslaving people and wearing horrible, gaudy, and unimaginative fashion. Do stun me immediately." She made a slight smirk.

Tate chuckled. "I do believe I would be drummed out of Starfleet for that, but in the event any of that happens, I will be sure to request a meeting."