The Curious Case of Humpty Dumpty

Posted on Sun Jan 23rd, 2022 @ 7:47am by Lieutenant Myne Redal & Lieutenant Commander Rin
Edited on on Sun Jan 23rd, 2022 @ 2:30pm

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: Rin's Quarters, Deck 16
Timeline: After mission
3168 words - 6.3 OF Standard Post Measure

//ON//

After having woken from her nightmare, Rin huddled in her chair for a long time, deciding how to proceed. She could, of course, talk to one of the counselors, but Dr Rael was gone, and she didn't know any of the others, and this was a bad time for introductions. Besides, while well-meaning, they probably would have nothing new to say. She had been at this a long time.

What she needed was...a friend.

She didn't want to disturb Myne. Especially not with something like this. The topic understandably bothered her a great deal. But she was a friend.

"Computer, what is the location of Lt. Redal?"

"Lt. Redal is in shuttle bay 1."

At least she wasn't asleep. Rin supposed technically Myne could be asleep in a shuttle, but in that case a wakeup call was probably actually in order.

She returned to her bedroom and tentatively picked up her combadge.

"Rin to Redal. If you have a moment, could you come by my quarters? I...need help." Her voice was quiet and timid, quite unlike her usual self.

That sounded dumb, but she wasn't sure what else to say. Cry over having a bad dream?

"Fuck you Lethe! Stupid evil sentient shuttle!! Oh crap!" Myne's cursing was interrupted as she realized she was being talked to. It took another moment for her to register what Rin said before she replied.

"I will be there as fast as I can." Her tone was strangely determined and lacking in her usual joviality or clumsiness. The connection interrupted and Myne more than happily dropped what she as doing. Getting away from the sentient shuttle was a great relief to her. Or at least that was what Ensign Miraj told her, that all these shuttles were alive.

It took her about five minutes to make her way to Rin's quarters. The tone that Rin used was worrying. Myne only noticed it after their conversation ended. Timid and quiet? That was not Rin. Rin was strong, confident, a fighter, she was a rock. This worried Myne a lot, and it nagged at her mind as she pressed the button on the door, hearing the chime announce her presence.

"Enter."

As the door slid open, Myne could see Rin huddled on her couch, knees drawn up to her chest. She had thrown a fluffy white bathrobe over her pajamas. She looked at Myne as she entered. "Thank you. I'm sorry to take you away from work."

Well, that was a sight Myne knew a bit too well. Approaching slowly she took a deep breath and sat down carefully, close to Rin, but now touching her. Myne did not know how to offer comfort, it was a skill apparently very common to the Redal hosts. So she defaulted to what she knew worked best. What made people more at ease with her, or exasperated with her.

"Well, I think the shuttle wanted to kill me anyway. Next time I go there to work I am bringing two Security officers with me. So you know, you might have just saved my life by pulling me out of danger." She chuckled and looked at Rin with a wide, smile. What do you say in a situation like this? Deflecting and playing an idiot can only go so far.

Rin chuckled along with Myne before getting serious again.

"I get nightmares sometimes. I'm sure you can guess how they go. But last night...I think it was Nicola. I think I dreamt my own assimilation."

"Well, I am the resident expert on nightmares. Nightmares are not fun, not at all." Myne shook her head and her smile turned a bit more worried. "Who is Nicola? And, I know how you feel about being an ex-borg. Is dreaming about your own assimilation a bad thing or a good thing?"

Rin weakly pointed to herself. "She's me. Or, at least, was. Nicola Addison. I don't remember a thing about her. And I'm OK with that. We tried for a long time to bring up memories, but they just aren't there. Or at least, we could never find them."

"The disturbing thing about dreaming of the Collective is everything is so dispassionate. It's a memory of causing so much pain without feeling anything yourself. Monsters don't chase me in dreams. I am the monster. "

"This was the opposite. This was feeling...everything."

Rin spared Myne the details. She knew Sudra's family had been taken by the Borg. Myne had asked once about their wellbeing. Rin didn't need to paint her a picture.

"I don't know what to do with that. I don't know how to find her. And I don't want to go through that again."

"Nicola Addison." Myne repeated, rolling the name on her tongue for a moment before nodding. "It is a beautiful name. Sounds like a good person's name. But I have grown to like Rin a lot more. It fits you much better.

Then a long moment of silence as Myne looked away as she seemed to be deciding on something. Her hand raised slightly, the intent clear to be placed on Rin's shoulder for comfort. But then the hand stopped and shied away as Myne seemed embarrassed and ashamed of herself.

"Rin. It..." She trailed off, her eyes narrowing as she tried to concentrate, focusing on her clenching and unclenching hands. "You are not a monster!! What you did was the Borg. You had no choice!"

"No, no, I know. I've come to terms with that." Rin reached out and held Myne's hand. "I just...I don't know what to do about Nicola. I don't know why she would surface now and I don't know how to reach her. How do you access a previous host's memories? When you want to, I mean."

Myne wanted to shy away from her hand but fought the urge. Instead, she wrapped her slender fingers around said hand and looked down at it. "I want to help you Rin, but I don't know how. Helping others is a skill I haven't really learned. So can you, you know, tell me how I can be there for you? I really want to help you, to make you happy to be yourself."

"I am happy as myself. Really, I am. Please accept that. I don't need Nicola. I've gotten along a very long time without her. But this was weird. And scary. And...it was nice to have someone to talk to about it. And if you have any suggestions how I might reach those memories I would be open to them."

Looking at Rin straight and serious for once, Myne nodded. "It makes me really happy to hear that Rin. Thank you. I will do my best to help you, I just need to figure out how. When I need a memory that is hard to access, I summon that previous host. I do this only with Sudra because..." She smiled nervously again. "He is the only one not actively trying to kill me."

Reaching with the free hand to rub her temple thinking she continued. "What I suffer from is memories. Memories I hate myself to the core for having. And those usually get triggered by familiar sights or events. Like the bodies we found down on the planet, which I am thankful for I was alone when I saw them. What have you been doing recently that would make you remember your former self, the Borg or assimilation?"

Rin frowned. Myne had a very good point. It would make sense that something triggered whatever she had remembered.

Her dealings with Nevada and her nanite experiments? Which she couldn't share with Myne.

"There was this thing on the planet which caused all of this...Some sort of engineered shapeshifter lifeform. I commented it was the kind of tech the Borg had theorized but never accomplished. But I don't know how that would lead to this."

"Well there you have it. Give me a sec." Myne seemed to focus for a bit, then smiled. "Yep, as Iza would put it, once you burn your hand seriously enough, your body will always react at the sight or proximity of a flame. So what you need would be more exposure to this kind of information? Maybe a holodeck program to some scenes that would keep the thought of Nicola and your assimilation in your mind until you go to bed? Meditation might work too, but I suck at that sadly."

Rin frowned. "I have pictures of Nicola. I've read her personnel files. I'm friends with her husband. Well, ex-husband, obviously. Terminology is a little weird there. We tried all that. And, well, if the only thing I can remember is her assimilation...not really any point to this."

"Oooh, well if you were Trill, meeting your ex-husband and doing stuff would have gotten you into soooo much trouble!!" Myne chuckled. "But no, if you already did that then it is not Nicola that is triggering your dreams. But something Borg related. Maybe you have come to terms with Nicola, but not to terms with your assimilation and life as a Borg? Maybe you need closure with that?"

"I can't imagine what would count as 'closure' at this point. And nothing good comes from focusing on those memories." Rin sighed, trying not to get frustrated. "It's ok. Maybe there's just no answer to this. Or maybe something will shake loose in the aftermath of this mission...if that's what triggered this in the first place. Maybe it really was something random. I don't know."

"Well, I wouldn't say nothing good. How can you know unless you try? Maybe there is something buried deep in those memories that you need to know or learn? I know you are at peace and I hope are happy with who you are know, and I wouldn't trade Rin for Nicola for anything in this galaxy. But maybe there's something there that Rin would find useful?" Myne scooted over closer to Rin, touching shoulder to shoulder while holding onto her hand. "The Borg aren't so bad you know, objectively speaking. Maybe you think by returning to those memories you can understand something you were missing before?"

Rin smiled sadly and nodded as if in agreement. And then, as if a switch had been flipped, the expression vanished, and her hands pinned Myne's wrists. "So, who am I speaking with, since you sure as hell aren't Myne?"

Myne's expression changed to one of worry all of the sudden. "What do you mean? I am Myne? Rin, what are you doing?" She asked concerned as she looked at her friend in confusion not understanding what just happened.

Rin looked Myne straight in the eye, trying to get a read on who was in control. "Which one of the hosts am I talking to? Because Myne sure as hell doesn't think the Borg aren't so bad."

"Erm, objectively speaking, if you discount the whole assimilation against your will part, they are not that bad. For someone who would willingly want to become a cyborg, they can't be evil. I mean, Cardassians enslaved the... erm, the ones with the nose and earring. Romulans too, many races are bad for others." Myne tried to explain smiling nervously.

Rin kept looking for a tell in Ryne's demeanor, anything to suggest this wasn't Myne. But the little mannerisms, they all seemed distinctly Myne. But Myne was terrified of the Borg. She could barely say their name. Was she attempting to rationalize the Borg in some way to justify their friendship?

Rin released her grip and stood, although she still watched for any warning of incoming assault.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Rin asked. The flat tone was now replaced with something pained and angry and sad. "Yes, the Borg are objectively bad. They are the most genocidal race in the galaxy. They literally destroy planets, stripping them of resources. And how can you possibly just discount forcible assimilation? It's monstrous. Is denies its victim even the most basic concepts of self-determination."

"The Cardassians enslaving Bajorans? Also bad. Does that make the Cardassians inherently bad? No. They may choose otherwise. But in the context of the Bajorans, Cardassians were bad. And if the Collective stops forcibly assimilating people and annihilating races and terrorizing the galaxy, then we can re-discuss their morale standing."

"And if you want to join the Collective, that means you are OK with doing all of the above things. That is bad. That is evil. Want to be a cyborg? Go to a doctor. "

"Joining the Collective doesn't just make you a cyborg. I am a cyborg. Lots of non-genocidal people are cyborgs. A Borg drone is more than that. They're more than just organic and manufactured parts. They are part of something destructive and malevolent. You cannot blame an individual drone - it has no self-determination - but as part of the Collective it is part of a monstrous thing. And I got to watch that day after day for 17 years. Yes, Myne, the Borg are bad."

Rubbing her wrists, Myne chuckled awkwardly. "You are strong!" Looking down she shrugged and took in a deep breath. "I mean, yeah, I do not blame the individual, I blame the hive mind controlling everyone. That is the evil part."

Looking like a chastised child Myne nodded again and looked at Rin. "But you are not bad or evil. You are kind and nice and strong. And you keep saying you are proud to be ex Borg. I think what I mean to say is that you are awesome to have gone through all of that and come out in one piece on the other side. And if you dreamt about that day, then it clearly must be something important. And not just randomly firing neurons or stuff like that."

Rin throws up her arms in disgust. "Have I ever described myself as evil? Even once? Ever? Yes, I said in my dreams I am the monster because I am the drone in those dreams. That's not me. That's the X in ex-Borg. And I am sick and tired of everyone assuring me of something I have accepted for years. Like I am a child who could not possibly know herself. It's like people want me to be permanently broken so they can come to my rescue and assure me I have worth - worth I already know I have."

"'Well, if she doesn't consider herself human she must consider herself Borg.' NO. I DON'T. 'Well, if you don't see yourself as Borg you must consider yourself human.' NO, I DON'T. And I really thought you knew me better than that. And I am utterly baffled as to how 'the Borg aren't objectively bad' was supposed to mean 'your dream was important.'"

Myne shrunk in her seat looking guilty and avoiding her gaze. "I am sorry Rin." She said in a low tone. "I don't consider you broken. Just ignore the dumb Trill, I did not want to upset you. You said you wanted help and I wanted to be helpful. Actually, I kind of look up to you and I would never consider you a child. It is just, I am sorry, I did not mean to make things bad."

"You're not dumb and you know it. Stop it. What you were was condescending. And I'm tempted to say mean. How can I know unless I try? You mean like what I've done for years? Your casual suggestion I dive back into that hell. Did you miss the bit about 17 years of nightmares? You dismissed Nicola's potential role in any of this when she is the entire issue here."

Shaking her head, the Trill looked at Rin with a very serious look. "I was not mean, I am never mean. I do not like hurting people. I honestly was trying to make you feel better. The reason I proposed that is maybe because I thought that is where you might find your answers. I am not good at this being a friend thing, am I?" She asked deflating. "If you want to find more about Nicola, there is no guarantee you won't be stepping into more nightmares."

"I'm not asking for a guarantee. I just found "dive headfirst into the nightmare and ignore Nicola" seemed rather like you hadn't heard a word I'd said."

"I did hear all of that. But I don't know what else I would do if I were you. Diving first and trying to find out the cause is the only thing I know how to do. I am not good at subtlety, I know only how to tackle problems head-on. Confront them and see what happens. And if anyone can handle something like this, then I know you can, because you are amazing Rin."

Feels like you still aren't hearing me, Rin thought, but she let it drop. Clearly she was failing at clarifying. She tucked her shaking hands under her armpits as she walked to the replicator and ordered two glasses of water and a pitcher. She drank most of one glass before turning around, giving her a few moments to consider what to do about the situation. She couldn't really come up with an answer.

She moved the items quickly to the coffee table, hoping the shaking wasn't too obvious.

"In case you wanted something," she quietly explained, finishing her own glass, her gaze focused on it rather than Myne. "You never did say how you call up Sudra, if that's something you're willing to share. Unless that's something just intrinsically Trill. I understand that."

Getting up from the couch, Myne approached Rin carefully. She did notice the shaking, she wasn't that dense. Wrapping her arms around her friend in a gentle hug, she began to speak slowly. "I call upon him. There are two rituals, one in which I can divest my hosts onto the people I am close to. The other one is in which I summon one host in particular. And it behaves like a ghost of sorts. I can see Sudra, talk to him, have him be himself and annoy me and so on. I do not think that is something that non-Trills can do. I am sorry. A Vulcan might be more helpful than I can."

Rin returns the hug much more tightly and holds it for several long moments. "Thank you," she says quietly.

Myne held her friend unsure what to do. At the very least, maybe she could distract her if she couldn't be useful in a more meaningful manner. "We could always just get drunk and go watch sappy, silly Ferengi holonovels?"

"That might just be a plan."

//OFF//

Lieutenant Rin
Chief Intelligence Officer
USS Elysium

Lieutenant JG Myne Redal
Assistant Chief Operations Officer
USS Elysium