Counseling the Returnee

Posted on Sat Oct 22nd, 2022 @ 5:31pm by Vice-Consul Josephine Carlyle-Cragen & Lieutenant Commander Savar cha'Salik hei-Surak Talek-sen-deen [Taylor]

Mission: Season 5: Time Warp
Location: Elysium - Counseling Area
Timeline: 26/8/2397
2524 words - 5 OF Standard Post Measure

Josephine had beamed aboard the night before and settled into her own new cabin on deck 20. Now she walked into the counseling department and gave her name to the secretary who's eyes widened and bustled off to get a counselor.

Sighing, Josie chose to stand looking at one of the various paintings around the area while she waited.

A half a minute, a minute passed before Savar appeared at the entrance to the individual counselor offices. "Lt Carlyle?" He addressed her. His voice and tone even and measured. "I do not know if you remember me. I am Savar." He said by way of introduction. "Please follow me."

She did remember him but she inclined her head and followed him. "Thank you for taking the time to see me Commander." she said softly.

Savar led Josie to his office, reaching it he stood aside to allow her to enter first. He then followed her in. "Please have a seat, Lieutenant." He said quietly. As he shut the door to give them more privacy.

She lowered herself into the offered chair and folded her hands over her stomach. She watched him warily but her posture was fairly relaxed.

Savar took a seat opposite her. He saw her watch him. Though her posture was fairly relaxed. "Are you scared of me Lieutenant?" He asked best to get this out in the open.

"Should I be?" she asked curiously. "But No I do not fear you Commander."

"You have no reason to fear me Lieutenant but please forgive me, but your eyes watch me closely, her posture suggests you possibly do, and your voice says no," Saver replied with utter calmness.

"I guess its to be expected then Commander. I am not exactly fit for duty after all. Which is why I was told to attend counseling." Josie replied. "That said I have spent months with people who should be feared."

"Yes. You have had an extraordinary ordeal which is why you here to reintegrate you back into the crew as smoothly as possibly for you and the first thing we must do it to put your fear aside, you have no one to fear here."

She wondered if that was true. Most would be very cautious about someone who had been brainwashed and held for months. "So, where would you like me to start Commander?"

"I believe the best place to star as with all journeys is at the beginning or shortly after you and Arrianna were captured. One thing, you may call me Savar, may I call you Josie?'

She nodded. "Yes, you can call me that. As to what happened? It was not pretty. We were kept bound and naked, tortured, physically and sexually." Josie continued as she twisted her fingers.

Savar noticed Josie twisting her fingers. "Josie, would you like something from the replicator before we go any further? A glass of tea perhaps?"

"no thank you, I am fine" She said without hesitation. "I didn't know how long one could hang by one's arms before this. Its a long time if pain is being showered on all parts of your body. If they make sure you cannot focus on any one thing. Bishop, the second in charge was tasked with 'preparing' slaves, turning them into mindless sex drones if female. And he was told only to break us. He was not allowed to touch us... at first. His boss, Kyle Cragen came in eventually, introduced himself. Funny how he could do that like we were sitting down to tea" she mused. "But then, Kyle always was able to use social occasions to his advantage."

Savar listened as Josie calmly talked of her captivity and her torture, she was detached from the events, emotionally empty. "The pain you endured must have been incredible." He observed. "So, Bishop was the brawn and Cragen the mind. You mentioned Bishop was not allowed to touch you at first, I take it that situation changed later."

"Not towards me. But to Arri. I believe he made ... use of her. I never saw it, but he did something to her, changed her, created someone new." Josie said. "I tried to get them to free her, it never worked."

"I see. So, Bishop took advantage of Arrianna and Kyle took advantage of you." He stated evenly. "You were bound when Kyle took you? Also, you say you tried to get them to free Arrianna, but it never worked. How do you feel about that? Do you feel guilty?"

"If it were you, would you not feel guilty?" she asked back. "of course I feel guilt. I tried begging, offering myself in her place and nothing worked. She was nowhere near prepared for such things. Arri for all her toughness, has had a very sheltered upbringing. Its why she was so shocked when Starfleet arrested the Captain. I spent years in the 1600's of Earth. I have seen things that she never did. I didn't recognise Kyle at first. But eventually I did. I had forgotten about him. And I had not known his truth at the time. But now I do. And yes he raped me a lot. Whipped me, a lot, drugged me, convinced me to let go and become someone else."

"Josie." Savar said softly, "Yes, I would. I am not criticizing you. Yes. you and Westin were in the 1600's of Earth for several years. So, you feel you were better prepared for what Bishop and Kyle did. This when Kyle created the ...." He consulted his notes, "the other personality in you?" Did he keep you a captive at this time as well?" Do you love Kyle, Josie. Now that you are free of him and of your own free will, how do you feel about him?"

She took a breath "I knew Kyle in the Court of Saint James. He was before we returned home, courting me, though he was away when the Elysium arrived. Had I stayed, he would have been a suitable partner. One I would have been fine with living with, I could have loved him. When he broke me, the personality that rose, her name was Sephine. She love him. Would have died for him, stepped out an airlock for him. Now I am back to myself, I remember the Kyle I knew, the charming, kind man who didn't care that I read books and barely socialised at the Court of King Charles the second. The man who saw my intelligence as a gift and not a hindrance as most males of that time did. Do I love him? In part. Part of me will always love him, though Sephine is gone, the emotions are still there. He treated her well, he never abused her. Never raped her. Would I go back to him? No."

Savar listened intently as Josie spoke of her feelings toward Kyle. She spoke evenly and calmly with no anger or rancor. When she finished, he spoke. "I find it interesting that you say he treated her well. never abused or raped her. Her being Sephine which is you, Josie. Sephine was a false personality built to please Kyle because Josie refused to. So, Kyle raped, abused you. Kept you bound and drugged until Josie could no longer resist him and that is when he created Sephine. Is that not correct Josie?"

"yes. Sephine was pleasing to him. Josephine was not. Josephine left him that's why Sephine was brought out." Josie shrugged "Am I angry? yes but I have no time to be angry, I have a child on the way, and a life to regain. I cannot go back in time and stop this from happening."

"I am not suggesting or advocating that you go back in time Josie even if you could. I am stating that repressed anger is harmful to you and your child. In addition as you have stated you have a life to regain and as you wish to move forward it is best to confront it." Savar countered.

"I went to see him." She said looking up. "In prison, just a few days ago. I had to ask him to agree to a no contest divorce. I did it alone. To show he held no power over me."

"I see. Very commendable. Did he agree to the no contest divorce? I feel it worth mentioning that facing Kyle and showing Kyle he has no power over you is not the same as getting your anger out at what he did to you, what he made you do." Savar replied.

"He agreed. And he gave up his parental rights to our child." She replied. "I know that it is not the same. But I have had several months back as myself to go over things. He is in prison. he is being punished. Nothing I say or do will change that. Justice has been served."

"Indeed, is not the same Josie. I feel that you are avoiding getting angry with Kyle. However, I will leave that for the moment. Why do you think Bishop, broke the Sephine personality and restored your personality. You were still a captive a prisoner." He observed.

"I am not sure." She admitted. "Sephine was wary of Bishop, with good reason. He managed to break Arianna's mind, turn her into someone I didn't recognise and basically turned her into a sex slave. Maybe Sephine was not someone he could converse with, maybe he felt guilt for his part in the situation? Or maybe the doctors told him to. Bishop is a strange man. I fully expected to give birth and then be killed."

"Hmm. It sounds as Bishop is a complicated man. That he is more than what he seems. A man not underestimate." Savar answered. "If I were surmise why he restored your personality it was to save you. That is Josie not Sephine and to have you stop living a lie. That is pure speculation by the way. It is just an opinion."

Josie nodded "I guess he might have also seen me a loose end. Getting rid of me helps him take over Cragen's empire more easily."

"A possibility to be sure but he could have just killed you and not spent the energy restoring your personality." Savar pointed out. Savar looked across at her. "We have talked of Kyle and spent some time on Bishop. Let us discuss Arrianna. How do you feel toward her?"

That was the one subject Josie was not looking forward to. "I am not sure how I feel. I know what she did to me was not her. I also know that I did stuff to her, i used her own fears against her, to try and stop her. I tried to get them to let her go because I love her, but I am not sure I am able to be with her."

"You did things to protect yourself correct? Please expand your statement of loving Arrianna but not sure of being with her."

"Because I have no idea how to forgive myself."

Savar leaned forward, now they were getting somewhere. "Josie, what do you need to forgive yourself for?"

"I used what she told me about herself to hurt her. To scare her. I didn't stop her from leaving the Elysium, even though i knew it was a bad idea. I had a bad feeling about leaving. I didn't fight hard enough to save her from what they did to her. I didn't fight hard enough to convince them to let her go."

Savar listened as Josie told him about her guilt. "So, you believe that if you had stressed your opinion that leaving the Elusium was a bad idea none of your and Arrianna's ordeal never would have happened? Is that correct? I regret to tell you that you are making a false assumption Josie. Yes, you could have stayed, and you both could have died in the battle with Admiral Highlaw. Staying does not guarantee safety." Savar answered. "If you wish to forgive yourself, I have a few suggestions. Acceptance. Acknowledge that you are a human, and know that every human makes mistakes. ...
Learn from mistakes. Try to learn from your mistakes. ...
Take risks. Be willing to take risks. ...
Visualize the future. Picture yourself free from guilt, regret, and self-condemnation." He finished.

"Oh that's easier said than done" She replied but she held up a hand as her tone had been snarky. "Sorry that was out of line."

Savar was unruffled by Josie's remark. "No, it was honest and that is what you need to be honest with me and more importantly yourself Josie."

"I spent the past 4 to 5 months a prisoner after they broke the other personality, for months chained to a bed, naked. I am honest with myself Savar, believe me."

"That is good to know Josie. It is a step in the right direction. As the playwright said. To thine own self be true." Savar noted.

Josie nodded. "I intend to. And i intend to make sure i am sure that I am ready to see Arrianna."

"That is good Josie for both you and Arrianna. Only by you being honest can your relationship be saved and move forward." Savar answered.

Josie's mouth opened and then she closed it again. "If it is to be saved. if she wants it to be saved, if I want it to be saved." She took a breath. "Part of me wonders if it was rushed to begin with."

"I cannot answer that, Josie. What I can and will is say that both you and Arrianna went through harrowing long-term ordeals and that you both suffered from those ordeals. Because of this, questions will arise and make you question your feelings. If you and Arrianna are to be together, then I recommend you proceed slowly, with no expectations. You take each day as it comes and see where it leads. In other words, you both need to rediscover what it was that drew you to together the first time." Savar answered.

And right now, Josie didn't know if those things were real or forced because of the situation. She nodded though. "I understand that." she said calmly. Her chrono pinged. She sighed. "I am sorry, but I need to go, I have a doctors appointment."

Savar stood. "Of course, Josie however I would like to schedule another session with you." He replied and added, "I hope you receive good news at your appointment."

"of Course. Its a part of my release" She said softly. "Starfleet expect me to have counseling t least once a fortnight."

"I shall schedule your next appointment, Josie." Savar replied with equal softness.

"Thank you Commander" She stood slowly. "I am sure Avalon will remind me."

"You are welcome, Josie and quite correct Avalon will remind you."

Josie inclined her head and then left the room to head for medical.

As Josie left, Savar returned to his desk and sat down, making notes in his file. He was under no doubts that Josie still had a lengthy journey ahead of her.