"Grief is best shared"

Posted on Sun Jul 2nd, 2023 @ 6:31am by Lieutenant Commander S'hib & Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D.

Mission: Season 6: Episode 2: Survival
Location: Outside the shuttle caves
Timeline: MD 04
1508 words - 3 OF Standard Post Measure

News of the attack didn't take long to reach Cheats or any of the medical staff. Tate's first instinct was to head to the medical building to see what support she could offer, but then she learned of S'hib's explosive reaction and she knew she needed to see him first. Sullivan herself was in shock after learning there had been an attempted murder, she could only imagine what close friends and colleagues were feeling.

S'hib meanwhile had just been sat there, sitting on the cold rocks at the mouth of the shuttle cave, it wasn't a particularly good view, nor did it provide any shelter from the elements; quite the opposite in fact, the blistering wind and snow battering into him and adding to the frozen tendrils of snow that clung to his braided mane.

But it did give S'hib privacy, and a view of the Runabout Miraj was inside, something he had not let leave his sight since that night.

but it was the privacy he wanted the most, though he could still see the occasional person staring at him from in the camp, their murmured whispers making his brow furl even more into a twisted angry knot.

but it was probably that same anger that was stopping him from freezing atop this frozen outcrop of rocks, that and the numerous layers he had begrudgingly been forced to wear so as not to die. Dunes he missed the red sands and the warm waters of Sequellas coast.

"This area restricted..." He snorted without taking his eyes off the runabout, though his right ear had been tracking footsteps approaching for some time.

"Not to me," Tate replied quietly. "I heard you got into quite the scuffle. Tell me, what did that shuttle ever do to you?"

He glanced over at Tate, not immediately recognising her, his mind was too clouded from the storm of discontent hanging over him. but his eyes did catch a view of her teal collar, the unmistakable sign of the medical department; more distractions he thought, just what he needed.

“It was parked in the wrong bay…” He scoffed, clearly not taking his outburst as seriously as everyone else was, or perhaps he was trying to ignore what had happened. He wasn’t quite sure… he’d never been this angry before.

"Yikes!" Tate replied, "Remind me never to make a mistake in your presence." Of course, she knew there was more to all of this, but experience had taught her sitting in silence could create space for anyone to open up.

"What I did... I wouldn't do that to a person." He mumbled, not entirely sure if he believed what he had just said. And so he fell silent... staring off into the hazy white snow that was falling around them, though his eyes weren't looking at anything... he was just thinking. The terrified look on Eric's face as he pinned him against a shuttle played over in his mind.

Would he have done it? killed him then and there in front of everyone if he knew he was the one that hurt Miraj?

He didn't really know, a maybe was as best as he could get and it terrified him.

"I, uh..." S'hib finally uttered, breaking the long silence. "I don't really know what happened, I just snapped..."

It didn't take someone with clinical training or empathic abilities to see he was in turmoil and that it would be unnecessary to point out he had in fact hurt someone. Instead, she replied, "Perhaps we can start with what you do remember?"

“The blood…” He said, turning away and falling silent once more.

It was then Tate noticed the mottled stains still marring his coat, clearly an attempt had been made to clean, though there was only so much melted snow could do.

His uniform was no better, his yellow sleeves stained a horrid brownish red.

“I stayed behind to scan the area after they took Miraj away… Though obviously, I can't speak much about an active investigation, we’re still narrowing down the suspects but it's uhh… yeah, we have a list is all ill say.”

His mind wandered again, his eyes narrowing and following anyone seen even remotely close to the Runabout Miraj was inside.

"Right now I'm more concerned about you," Tate replied. She also knew he wasn't in any shape to participate in the investigation, but she saw no need to pick that particular battle right this moment. "I realize this attack is incredibly upsetting, but I have to say, this reaction seems completely out of character for any Starfleet officer, let alone you."

“But not for a Sequus…” S’hib shot back, though it wasn’t meant to be in defence of his actions.

He opened his mouth again, turning to Tate as though finally realising he was annoyed she had cornered him into this impromptu counselling session. But it quickly closed, his attention returning to the Runabout.

“I was territorial before, but I managed it, I kept it in check… But as soon as Naxea fell pregnant…” He paused for a moment, not divulging any further. “I am told by the High Priestess this is normal for Stals of my kind but...” he added, his tone devoid of pleasantries.

Again he paused, this time looking back to Tate with that same annoyance from earlier. “I almost lost Naxea and my daughter when the accident happened, and now Miraj is in there!” He shouted, pointing his broken fingers at the Runabout in the distance. “Barely alive! And you’re wondering why I'm acting out of character?”

His question sounded Rhetorical, though his face was a balled knot of discontent demanding her to answer him.

Tate wasn't phased by his anger and was just glad he was talking to her. "None of that was your fault...but your reaction, that is your responsibility. How is it you're helping anyone by losing control like this?"

"I don't care about anyone else right now, about any of them!" He spat, throwing his hand up at the camp out of malice for the life within it.

Then his anger resurfaced, bold and untamed as he reached inside his cocoon of thermal blankets.

"Or this fucking badge!" S'hib growled, tearing the Starfleet insignia free from his tired uniform and throwing it with the same motion.

"I've been through, so much!" he continued yelling, pointing a stubby cloven thumb at his chest while glaring at Tate, his eyes long since drenched in brine.

"Terrible things that I've left off reports, things I think about all the time but I still do my job!" He bellowed proudly, the bitterness of that revelation hanging over them both like a dark cloud. "I don't take it out on other people!"

Then he stopped, finding himself close to the point of hyperventilating, the death spiral of emotions threatening to drag him down into the snow at his hooves.

Guilt and anger sloshed inside his head like the waves in the holo novels Miraj and himself used to play. it made him feel sick, he didn't know what he wanted to do more, cry or scream. So he did neither.

"You should... you should go..." He said, almost pleading as he burrowed his face into his cold hands, curling over and leaning into his own lap.

Years of training had taught Tate how to remain calm in the face of such intense emotions, but she never expected to hear something like he had been living things out of her pores. Given the intensity of his emotions, she knew it had to be something significant and likely traumatic, but she couldn't imagine for the life of her what that could be. She needed and wanted to find out, but that would have to come later. Right now, he was hurting and as a human being and as a therapist, she wasn't about to leave him alone.

"I know you want me to go, and we don't have to speak anymore right now, but I also know you understand that as Starfleet officers, we don't leave anyone behind, especially when they're in pain. Will you let me help you… Please?"

"Really?" He scoffed as a disdainful chuckle left his snout despite the tears rolling down his face. "You should be telling them."

he shook his head in disgust, his lip curling again as he tried to settle back down into a fetal position, though it and his silence didn't last long.

"No- no- you know what... no, I'm done... I'm done with this." He blurted out as he stood up, casting off the snow-covered layers that he had been huddled inside. "We're done with this..." He growled a warning, pointing a finger at Tate as he thumped into the snow, hooves angrily crunching snow as he leaned down and scooped up his badge.

"You really wanna help?" S'hib asked, begrudgingly reattaching his badge. "Leave me alone..." He snorted before thumping back down the path to the camp, leaving Tate sitting there.