To accept the past

Posted on Fri Dec 27th, 2019 @ 10:58pm by Lieutenant Commander Alicia Kelea-Salik & Lieutenant Commander Savar cha'Salik hei-Surak Talek-sen-deen [Taylor]

Mission: Casperia Prime - A lesson in relaxation
Location: Savar's Quarters
1521 words - 3 OF Standard Post Measure

Alicia awoke to her mind's sense of Savar's consciousness in it's sleeping state, she smiled as she picked up a brief image of a dream he was having. Her stomach rumbled, it seemed all their lovemaking and the exertion of the bonding had her body craving sustenance. She gently slid out from under Savar's arm, not wanting to wake him from his peaceful slumber, walking out of the bedroom naked she picked up a shirt of his which was draped over the sofa and put it on.

Moving across to the far wall she stood by the replicator she reeled off a couple of snacks before taking them back to the bedroom, when something akin to a stabbing pain shot through her mind. She closed her eyes and held her temples, leaning against the wall as she waited for it to go over. She slowly slid down the wall until she was sat on the floor, cradling her head.

Alicia's pain woke Savar with a jolt. Sitting up he saw her slumped against the wall. He was at her side in an instant. "Alicia?" What is it? What is wrong?" He inquired.

"It hurts!" She cradled her head. "My head...it hurts!"

He took her head in his hands. His finger gently pressing against her temples. "Calm yourself Alicia." He spoke gently but firmly as his thoughts joined her to find the reason for her pain. He searched her mental pathways until he found it. A small child, a baby actually was crying and screaming. "You threw me out! You don't love me!!!!!" Savar could only guess this was the baby Alicia had lost. Her and Kal's baby. He needed to bring Alicia in to the picture so she could explain to the child that her accusation was not true.

Alicia appeared as an image of herself next to Savar. The horrified look on her face at this image of a child she never got to have said how painful this was. She started to retreat behind Savar, away from this imagined yet crippling image of fear.

Savar reached behind him and brought Alicia back to stand next to him. "Alicia, this is your child, you must confront her to have closure and rid yourself of the pain you are enduring."

"How?..." She looked at Savar before slowly stepping forward and kneeling infront of the image of her child, strangely enough the image was female although Alicia had never learned the sex of her baby prior to her miscarriage, it was only afterwards that she was told. "I...I didn't throw you out...I loved you more than life itself! I'd have willingly given my own life if it would have saved you!!!"

The child was adamant. "You say that but you don't mean it. You forgot all about me!" she protested.

"No! Never!!" Alicia held out her hands. "You were a part of me, a part that was torn from me! I will never EVER forget you! Not you or Kal. You're both a part of me that I can't get back, no matter how much I want to! I will try again...I promise you!!!"

"Did you even have a memorial for me? Give me a name?" The child questioned softly.

"You...were too young for a grave but I...I kept a doll that I brought for you. She sits by my bed every night. I...I named her Isabelle." She wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face. "She will be with me always, I wish...I could change things, have you back."

The girl moved to Alicia and put her hands on Alicia's face. "Isabelle. I like that name." She smiled at Alicia, "Thank you for giving me a name Mommy."

"I just wish...I had you back!" Alicia cuddled the figure that her mind had generated. "I need you."

'You never really lost me Mommy. I was always here. You just needed to remember and now you have, so I'll always be a part of you."

Back in Savar's quarters Alicia opened her eyes, before burying her head in his chest. The pain she felt was all too real but now it was pain in her heart from feeling the loss of her baby all over again.

"It is alright Alicia. You have peace, closure. You have accepted the loss of Isabelle but you have also gained her as she is a part of you now."

Alicia nodded. She relaxed as she sat back and wiped her eyes. "I...thought I had accepted her loss! I just went out to get something to eat!" She offered a brief smile. "All our exercise made me hungry!"

"Your conscious mind accepted the loss but your subconscious was still in conflict over it. Now that you have faced and resolved the conflict. There should be no more reoccurrence of pain." Savar explained.

Alicia nodded as she wiped away her tears. "Thank you for helping me." She looked towards the couple of plates of snacks. "I'm starving."

Savar looked at the plates of snacks. "Yes, you seem to have developed quite the appetite Alicia."

She nodded as she got to her feet, picking up the couple of plates and taking them over to the bed to sit down. "I guess I used up a lot of energy!" She smiled.

"So it would seem." Savar deadpanned and followed her back to the bed.

"I hope you don't mind me borrowing your shirt?" Alicia sat on the edge of the bed and starting eating. "I could have wondered around naked I guess." She smiled a wry smile.

"I do not mind at all Alicia." Savar replied. "As for going naked you are free to do so. Nudity does not offend or embarrass me."

"I know, you've seen all there is to see of me but I like the idea of teasing you!" She nibbled on some more food. "Do you want anything to eat? I never thought to ask!"

Savar nodded, "You are most skilled at the art of teasing Alicia, you do it quite well." He looked at the food, "I will have a cracker please."

Alicia offered the crackers that were on her plate, letting him take as many as he wanted. "I don't normally make a habit of eating food in the middle of the night. You did say that our bonding took a lot out of me. I'm glad you were there to help me though."

Savar took several crackers before replying. "Quite correct Alicia. the bonding is more than just a mental connection. As you are experiencing the physical aspect of it."

She nodded. "I still have a lot to learn but I will get used to it." She looked at the chronometer. "Is that all it is?" The chronometer read midnight. "We still have time to get some sleep." She playfully unbuttoned Savar's shirt that she was wearing, she'd only buttoned up a couple of buttons anyway.

"The chronometer is correct Alicia and we do indeed have time to get a good night's sleep." He replied as he munched on a cracker.

"Of course" She grinned as she neatly put the shirt beside the bed and slid under the bedcovers again. She reached for one last nibble before settling down ready for sleep. "As long as I can cuddle up with you Imzadi."

"Of course you may, I find our 'cuddling' quite restful." Savar answered even as he draped an arm over Alicia.

Cuddling up to Savar, Alicia smiled feeling relaxed in his embrace. "I never for a moment thought I'd find myself someone like you, I'd would most definitely be lost without you now."

Savar patted her arm. "Alicia, you are an intelligent and beautiful woman, do not disrespect yourself. Though I thank you for the compliment."

"It's not just a compliment Savar, it's the truth. I am proud to be your mate and have you as my Imzadi." She smiled warmly. "I never want that to change."

"As it is with me, when I say you are my soulmate Alicia. You have made me complete. I to do not wish our relationship to ever change." Savar answered, emotion in his voice.

Alicia smiled the biggest smile yet. "I like that. I also like seeing you smile." She reached a hand to his face and gently stroked his cheek. "Whatever I did to deserve you, I'm glad I did it!"

His eyes closed at her touch, he felt the emotions swell inside him. He leaned forward and kissed her softly. "My sentiments precisely Alicia."

"I will not be dissuaded from you, nor shall I listen to what anyone else says about you or us." She looked into his eyes. "I am now, and will forever be, your mate and your love."

He kissed her again, gently, softly but with great feeling. He knew that in Alicia he had found his true soulmate or as she referred to it his Imzadi.

Alicia returned Savar's kiss with passion and hunger, she was going to give her Imzadi a night he would never forget.

[OFF]