How do you feel?

Posted on Sat Sep 25th, 2021 @ 4:26pm by Lieutenant Commander Alicia Kelea-Salik & Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D.

Mission: Season 5: Episode 2: Operation Save Humanity
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: MD8 1015 hrs
903 words - 1.8 OF Standard Post Measure

{ON}

Tate was glad to finally be having this conversation. She had managed to check in with everyone surrounding Alicia following her traumatic birth, but it was important to Sullivan that she check in with the new mother herself. No matter how happy the ending the birth ultimately represented, nothing could change the fact Alicia came frighteningly close to dying. Even before that, the traumatic circumstances of her labor had the potential to cause lingering effects psychologically, particularly in the time immediately postpartum. Given the joy and relief all of them ultimately felt, it would be easy to overlook the frightening aspects of what Alicia had experienced and all the psychological and physiological changes that came with childbirth itself, let alone a traumatic one.

"I'm glad to see you with more color in your cheeks," Tate began.

Alicia was sitting on her biobed feeling better than she had been. “Tate!” she smiled warmly motioning Tate to a seat. “Grab a seat, it’s good to see you!”

Tate did as she was invited and replied, "I promise I won't stay long, but it's good to see you too. You gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling truly?"

“I’m okay, feeling better than I was.” She paused. “Hell who am I kidding? I’m tired, emotional, a little sore, and feeling very, very, lucky to be alive!”

"After what you've just been through, you're entitled. I know it's helpful to focus on gratitude and what you have to look forward to, but I also just wanted to say for the record, it's OK to take all the time you need to recover emotionally from this too, no matter how long it takes. I know you know that some reactions have a tendency to sneak up on us, days or even months later and it would be understandable if you wanted to throw yourself into motherhood in an effort to bypass those feelings, but I hope you'll be patient with yourself."

“Patience is something I normally have in excess but at present...” Alicia sighed. “I feel more short fused than anything else, I do get annoyed with things when I’m tired but this is...” She shook her head. “I feel like I could cry, scream, and throw things! Being a Counsellor and a new mother I’m only too aware of the statistics regarding postnatal depression. I’m afraid that might be what’s making me feel like this.”

"A certain degree of mood swings is to be expected so soon after giving birth, and to be fair, it hasn't been that long since. Still, it's good we're talking about this now. There's no shame in feeling this way and as you know, if addressed earlier, postpartum mood disorders are highly treatable."

Alicia nodded. “I know, I’m just grateful I have you to talk to. I know I have Savar but he has enough to worry about already. I know he’s a Vulcan, but even Vulcans have their limits.”

"We all have our limits, even Vulcans," Tate agreed. "I have offered my support to him as well as Stihg, but for now, let's focus on you. Have you been doing any breathing exercises to manage your anxiety and short fuse?"

Alicia nodded. “I think I’ve counted to ten to cool down a few times more than I’d like” she sighed. “Plus I can burst into tears at the drop of a hat! Tate... my father told me that due to the damage done I might not be able to have any more children.”

"I'm so sorry," Tate offered softly. "That's a lot to absorb and you haven't had a lot of time to let it sink in. It's perfectly understandable you would be so emotional right now."

Alicia nodded. “It’s not like I don’t already have two children, it’s just... what if down the line Savar and I want another baby of our own? I won’t be able to give him that.”

"You may not be able to give him that," Sullivan corrected gently. "It's not a certainty, is it? Even if that is true, what are you telling yourself that means? What is the source of the hurt?"

Alicia paused to think. “I think it’s just... this is our first, and only child. Connor isn’t a child I gave birth to. I love him dearly and that’s not going to change, but I wanted to provide Savar with a larger family. You know how important family is to Vulcans!”

"Is it important to him? I wonder if you're assuming what he's feeling about this. Are you sure it isn't you criticizing yourself about this?"

“It most likely is” Alicia offered a smile. “Savar would most likely tell me to stop worrying.”

Tete smiled in return. "I know it's easy to say you should stop worrying but a bit more challenging to do. I am suggesting, however, that when you're tempted to tell yourself hurtful things, you remind yourself what evidence you have that suggest just the opposite."

Alicia nodded and offered a smile. “Thank you Tate, I will do my best and that’s a promise.”

"That's all any of us can ask of ourselves," she replied with a nod. "I'll let you get some rest," she added standing. "If you need anything, i'm just a page away."

{OFF}