The Healing begins

Posted on Mon Nov 21st, 2022 @ 10:55am by Lieutenant Commander Savar cha'Salik hei-Surak Talek-sen-deen [Taylor] & Commander Arrianna Salannis an Vantar & Lieutenant Commander Alicia Kelea-Salik

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: Counseling office
Timeline: Sometime after Kept Apart
1777 words - 3.6 OF Standard Post Measure

Arri walked into the office. Nervous about telling her crew what happened. She looked at Alicia and Savar. Wondering if they would hate her when she said she gave in and hurt her Josie, or was completely powerless to stop Flossie from hurting her.

Alicia was seated alongside her husband, it was unusual for two Counsellor’s to be present during a session, but Arri had requested them both.

"Commander, thank you for coming, please have a seat and make yourself comfortable. Would you like something to drink before we get started?" Savar asked politely before he sat back down in one of the chairs in the office.

"It began when we left the Ely on leave... it did not take long for his ship to appear. Right when we left sensor range. We were interdicted by his ship. They brought us aboard. Josie was immobilized. But I knew they were going to board us. So I armed myself and doused the lights. In the cover of dark, I had a clear shot at the boarders, they were blind to me." She noted. "Alindari self defense; 'Strike your enemy from the night.'"

Savar listened as Arri spoke her voice was calm and level and she spoke matter of factly. Her voice holding no emotion as she replayed the events that led to the capture of herself and Josephine. The fact that Arri showed no emotion, led him to look at Alicia. Arri was suffering from PTSD.

"But Bishop used a stun grenade, but not before I made them pay for every inch they took. I fought for my mate. Fought them as they boarded. Even as they had us bound, stripped naked, gagged. I struggled, fought, and made them bleed. And still I failed to protect my Josie."

Savar leaned forward in his chair, "Commander, you and Lt. Carlyle were seriously outnumbered. You did all you could. You must realize and accept this."

Alicia offered a similar response. “As Savar said there was little you could have done Arri, they could have killed you both.”

"Sometimes I wish they did, Savar. But they weren't going to kill us. We were too valuable." Arrianna noted. "Once Bishop had me subdued, we were seperated." She noted. "Micheal Bishop is fascinating. He and his master Kyle Cragen were as mentally adept as I was.. Especially in a refined art of causing the female form as much pain as possible. I attempted to put myself into deep meditation, but you must understand. Where Commander Taylor's alternate was a brutish thug in causing pain, This man had refined it to an art. He made the next fourty-eight hours of my life constant agony in a way that many would never feel. And after forty-eight hours of struggling and fighting.. my body betrayed me and formed a personality that was receptive to him. Forcing me deep into my subconscious. Her name was Flossie... And she was willing to do anything so she wouldn't be tortured. Including force me into the deepest recesses of my mind." Arrianna noted. "The things Flossie did.. Shamed me so much.. I retreated. Into my subconscious.. And made it a paradise..." Arri noted. "I couldn't handle it anymore. I took all my good memories.. and made a paradise in my own subconscious. I left this world to Flossie and retreated." Arrianna noted. "It was like creating a holoprogram of reality. But I couldn't abandon Josie.. I heard her screams..." Arri shead tears. "Flossie was hurting her. They were using me to break her. I should have fought harder, But I ended up failing her again." She sobbed. "Curse you Cragen!"

Savar watched as Arri finally shed some tears and her emotions bubbled to the surface. "Yes Commander, curse Kyle Cragen and Michael Bishop they are the villains in this entire incident. You have nothing to be ashamed of or apologize for. You said it yourself, Michael Bishop and Kyle Cragen are masters of torturing the female form. Now it is time for you to forgive yourself and begin to heal."

"Bishop then manipulated.. I next saw Josie... and there was nothing left.. Nothing of the woman I once loved.." Arrianna noted. "I hold onto hope there's something of Josephine Carlyle inside Sephine Cragen. But I lost hope. All I wanted to be was sold as quickly as possible. I did not know I would be sold to the Captain." Arri noted. "It was her voice... that told me to fight back against Flossie... Filled with rage, I did something horrible inside my mindscape... Murder." She noted. "Flossie was a part of myself, another personallity. I killed her. But by doing so I created another divergant personality in my mind. " Arrianna noted. "Her name was Kate Daniels, and at first she was my shroud working for the Black Watch crew, she then later became my madness."

"I was slowly becoming Kyle Cragen. Obsessed with Josephine.. Willing to kill to get her back. I was becoming... everything Josie hated." Arrianna noted. "I don't have a right to breathe."

Alicia looked at Arri. “You stop that Arri, you have every right to survive! After what Cragen did to you, you came back stronger. You fought your way back for Josie, hold onto that! We’ll find her one day, you’ll get her back.”

"How do I forgive myself for failing so hard.." Arrianna noted. "When I next saw Josephine.. She was fully Sephine.. Another woman.. wearing my beloved's body like a dress. One Cragen created. My love he destroyed. How do I know my Josie is still in there, and she's not some kind of puppet now in an attempt to free Kyle." Arrianna notes. "If Phoenix's voice didn't break me out of my subconscious. I would have stayed there forever, not wanting to deal with reality. How can reality be good after you've been a slave?"

"Commander." Savar spoke up, "You judge yourself too harshly. If Bishop is as good at torture and conditioning of the female form. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You withstood his torture for days, Even now you resist slipping back into the slave mode. That speaks quite highly of your mental discipline."

"Flossie is gone, Savar." Arrianna stated. "I broke out of the prison she locked me into.. Inside my mindscape. I hurt her.. I hurt her for torturing my Josie.. I hurt her for all the wickedness she made me do.. It was indeed a multiple personality, but it was a divergent personality based on keeping Bishop from flooding my body with so much unbridled pain. Endless pain..." Arrianna noted. "So I killed Flossie in my mind. Murdered her.. Then.. Kate vanished in my mind once I realized I was becoming like Cragen.. I removed that personality as well. There's just me now." Arrianna noted. "A broken woman.. Completely in love with a woman that may not exist anymore.. Trying to piece her life back together. Trying not to go to earth to kill Kyle Cragen. I keep on having nightmares about me doing so... and they don't end well. They don't end well at all. I even have them about going out to find Josie." Arri noted. "I just can't destroy myself like that, but in doing nothing... I am abandoning her am I."

Arri began crying. "I want to turn over every stone, rip every place apart.. Until I find her. I want to do it very much.. But I am afraid of what that will do to me."

"Forgive me Commander." Savar said softly, "But I disagree with your assessment of you saying you are doing nothing. "You are doing quite a lot. You are still looking for Lt. Carlyle but more methodically. You are using the resources of your race and now the Elysium. Lt. Carlyle will be found and you will be reunited with her."

"What will I be reunited with, Counselors.?" Arrianna noted. "She's been in Bishop's company for months.. I was 'conditioned' in six days." Arri noted. She sighed. "Phoenix seems like she has more important things to do than look for a member of her crew. And it sometimes feels like I am being penalized for being enslaved." Arrianna mentioned. "It makes me want to hunt down slavers for a living and kill them. They certainly deserve it." Arri noted. "They deserve to be strapped to a pole!!! So that the people they tortured could beat them with bats and clubs.." She seethed with anger. "Then we'd put them on display before the quadrant as a warning to anyone who takes slaves. That's what I sorely want to do!!! Because Cragen is nowhere to be found, and no one's putting him on trial for anything!! ANYTHING!!! I should have stabbed him harder. But that cur!!! He just regenerates when he's injured. I should have used photon torpedoes." She began sobbing.

"You are being extremely judgmental in regards to Captain Lalor if you think and feel she is not involved in recovering Lt. Carlyle. Further any feelings you have of being penalized are being manufactured by yourself. No one on this crew is penalizing you Commander." Savar paused, "Your road to recovery will take time but you will achieve it."

"I deserve some kind of justice." Arrianna noted. "I demand it."

"All of the women Bishop and Cragen abused and then sold, demand justice Commander." Savar replied calmly. "However, you must wait for the authorities to deliver justice. It is not left to you."

"I want her back so much. So I can tell her how sorry I am.. How foolish I was.. That I was acting stupid." Arrianna noted. "I want to tell her I'd love her until the end of time. Until the end of existance.." Arri noted.

"You will get that chance Commander." Savar said simply but firmly.

Alicia smiled proudly as she watched Savar with Arri. She was proud of him, not just as Chief Counsellor but as his wife.

"Please Ascendants.. Let there be Josie deep in her mind.. So she can finally come out." Arri noted. "I am sorry Josie.."

"Commander the first step in recovering from this type of trauma is to forgive yourself. It is essential that you." Savar replied evenly and calmly.

"I will need Josie to forgive me eventually." Arri noted.

Savar said nothing to that. "We will cross that bridge when we get to it Commander. However for now, you must forgive yourself and to realize and accept you were not to blame for what happened."

Arrianna shed the last of her tears.. "Make sure she knows.. I will never be broken again!!!!"