"So costly the sacrifice"

Posted on Fri Jun 2nd, 2023 @ 10:44am by Captain Samuel Woolheater & Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D. & Lieutenant J'airesh Mora-Heath

Mission: Season 6: Episode 2: Survival
Location: Planetside - Marine Command Tent
Timeline: MD5: 1300
3290 words - 6.6 OF Standard Post Measure

[ON:]

The inside of the marine command center was a hive of activity. Not the least of which was the recent attack on Ensign Derani; that was on everyone's mind. Security was handlin the investigation. Captain Woolheater was prepping for a mission to take one of the science team to see the Azhul Plume far off in the large, empty, flat basin. Samuel was going to show the man where it was but also escort him right to the plume. Sam was planning for a three-day trip using two specially equipped hoverbikes. There were simply no pilots nor craft available. Sam was in his body armor and leaning over the field command center table. The light from the table illuminated his face. The blueish-white of the holographic table map was cold. Sam's face and flesh were warm colored and he worked dillengently amid the bustle. Suddenly, a voice of another marine called him.

"Captain Woolheater? There's a doctor, a counselor and a little kid here to see you." The marine stopped about a meter from the table. Sam looked up at him, "What?"

"Doctor J'air, the Counselor...Sullivan I think and..." Sam cut him off.

"I heard you the first time. I'm not expecting any visitors today?" Sam finished his sentence and then signed off and then put his PaDD's aside, "OK. Thank you. I'll see to it."

The marine nodded and excused himself and Sam retrieved his weapon from the small arms locker and exited the tent. He was on duty and the order was to remain armed. He exited the command tent and saw the three standing there shivering in the cold. He motioned for them to come back inside the tent.

J'airesh stood back one step and held out her arm to guide the other two forwards towards Sam. "Let's get warmer in there?" she murmoured to the little girl hoping to encourage her towards the bustling marine centre without feeling too overwhelmed.

Japha clung to Tate. She was cold but bundled up well. Sam didn't recognize her. When they were inside and the flap closed to the tent he moved them all aside to a small area with some chairs. Two marines were there on break. Woolheater asked if they could have this area and the two marines kindly relocated further into the command tent. "Counselor Sullivan, Doctor? How may I help you?"

"This is Japha, Captain Woolheater." J'Air began. "Perhaps you might remember her?" She stopped there, hoping either Tate or Japha might pick up the story as she was definitely less in touch with all the details than either of them.

Sam looked at the little girl all bundled up. He didn't recognize her. He knelt down to her eye level to get a better look and said, "Well, I don't think we've met before. There's somebody in there though...I think? Aren't you as snug as a bug in a rug?" he said trying to catch a glimpse of her little face. In her one hand she clutched Tate's uniform jacket. In the other, she held a piece of construction paper with writing and a picture on it.

"Is that for me maybe? Can I see what you drew?" he asked. Sam was expecting that it would be a picture of a marine in uniform or in one of their combat suits. He figured that this little girl was interested in the toys and the tech. A very young recruit. Japha did look around the tent but didn't say a word. Still kneeling he extended his hand, "May I take a look?"

He realized now that with the Counselor and with the ACMO Japha might be an orphan. Or has some deadly condition and the two officers were performing some final and last wish effort. Sam didn't know why they were here. Suddenly, Japha slowly lifted the construction paper to him and offered it out.

"Thank you" he said. Sam took a look at the picture. On it were depicted three persons in a corridor witrh what looked like flames all around them. The three were Japha and her mom and dad. On the other side of the door, the bulkhead, were what Sam now could see were marines. It was the combat armor, her drawing of it anyway. And instantly he knew who this kid was.

He didn't know her name, even though J'air had said her name aloud. Sam didn't know what to say, "....did you draw this?" There was no answer and then a silent nod. He said, "....I think I recognize a few people here. You draw so well. These look like marines..." he asked but there was no reply. From the little hooded jacket, Sam felt her little eyes on him.

"...is this your mom and your dad...?" he asked and he knew the answer already. In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye he relived the terror of that moment and it hit him again as he shuffled and leaned forward on his knees in a kneeling position. There were so many people here going in and out of the tent. A blast of cold air, loud talking and COMM traffic. On the paper, his eyes rested on the text of a song. It was the song that Japha's dad was singing to her as their world was coming apart around them. Sam held the paper and had no idea what to do.

In fact, they should have told him they wanted to do this. Because of course he would have said 'no' or not right now. He was even a little angry and as he flashed at Tate and J'air his eyes said it all. He nodded, "...its...a very good picture. I remember that day too. All too well."

J'air sensed something was wrong and felt uncomfortable. She didn't know what to say either. It was a very emotive and awkward moment.

Sam looked back at the child as she now had both arms around Tate's right leg. It wasn't that cold in the tent and so Sam knew that she must be afraid. He continued, "Is this you? In this picture?" he pointed to the smaller character in the image.

Japha slowly nodded 'yes'.

Sam nodded, "I thought so. You have a real talent." There was a long awkward moment of silence.

Sam broke it by asking, "Japha right? Yeah. Japha...I'm Cap...I'm Sam. I was there when....we lost your mom and your dad. Umm..." he looked at her but her face was mostly still hidden. "Are you maybe mad at me Japha? Did you want to say something to me?"

Japha nodded slowly and appeared to loosen her hold on Tate. She looked upwards at Tate and then across at Sam, her little pale face peering out around her hood. She looked across at J'airesh as well and began to cry, raising a hand to point to her. "the doctor wasn't here." she stumbled suddenly blurting out the words in a rush. "You didn't help!" she accused between sobs which were becoming louder and her little body was heaving in breath with each one, making her form look stricken.

It was not typically in Tate's nature to remain silent, particularly during such emotionally charged times, but from the moment she, the little one in her arms, and the doctor entered the tent, something inside her told her to remain quiet and let things unfold. Of course, the trauma therapist in her knew what they were doing would open wounds, and for the marine in particular, it would mean opening wounds unexpectedly. Because of that alone, Sullivan had almost convinced the little girl to wait a little longer for this meeting. In the end, however, even though Tate had to balance competing obligations, her position as the pediatric counselor demanded that she prioritize the emotional needs of her charges, or at the very least, to have more faith in the coping skills of the adults around her to withstand the pain of children. That didn't mean, of course, but it was easy witnessing pain on any sides, but something told Sullivan to continue to follow her instincts.

J'air was horrified. "Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry!" she dropped to her knees beside the little girl and tried to put our her hands to her. "I couldn't be here, I was ....." she dried up. Her excuse was 'helping others elsewhere' but what comfort could that be to the child in her distress.

"I was trying to get here but there wasn't enough time" J'air changed the reason to try to make it something Japha might be able to understand better. It was half the truth as if there *had* been time to be all the places a medic was needed that day, she would have been there. To be fair, from the files she'd seen, being there wouldn't have offered much help in those circumstances but clearly Japha felt it would have and that must be what had been bothering her when J'air had tried to relate to her and get her to feel safe in the doctor's hands. J'air had made so much effort to try not to be intimidating with her care medically and tried all she knew to attempt to reach her and gain her trust but *now* it all made sense. This was how she had felt. This was where the barriers had been inside little Japha. It really hurt J'air's heart to know this but it was essential to at least have that information now at last.

Japha contined to sob, which was perhaps a good release of her emotions but it didn't hurt J'air any less to witness the child's pain. J'air tried to put her hand on Japha's tiny shoulders which were deeply hidden inside the thick pink insulatd coat that engulfed her. Japha pushed J'air's hand away and tears welled up in the ACMO's eyes. J'air had already pushed back the hood of her own insulated jacket earlier when she had first knelt down to try to apologise to Japha. The tears that ran down her exposed cheeeks were obvious and Japha's sobs slowed right down.

The little girl let go of Tate and very slowly approached the weeping doctor with a very curious expression on her own tear-stained face. She took off one padded glove and paying no attention to it, let it fall to the ground as she held out her small fingers to touch J'air's face. On contact with the doctor's wet cheek, Japha's hand withdrew as if it had been burned, then she scrambled on the ground to retrieve her glove and put it back on again. The small face was crushed by a very deep frown and her eyes were deeply pained and confused.

In an attempt not to let Japha feel anything on J'air's account as she already had the universe on her little shoulders as it was, the doctor wiped her own eyes and cheeks and put her own hood and gloves back on, preparing to stand back up.

Suddenly, just as J'air was off balance starting to get her legs back under herself to rise, Japha rushed over to her, grabbed her arm and clung to it for a moment before letting go and returning to Tate's leg for safety.

J'air, caught awkwardly and mid-movement, froze halfway up and tried to hide the new flow of tears at the gesture of what appeared to be some kind of forgiveness from Japha. Completing her attempt to stand once Japha had returned to Tate, the ACMO stood just where she was and didn't move or speak again for a minute while she tried to get her emotions back under control.

At which point she said softly to the back of the little girl, who was now wrapped around her Counsellor's leg again. "Thank you Japha" her voice still a little choked but filled with genuine gratitude. Perhaps now Japha might eventually come to allow the doctor closer to her and they could make more progress with her medical needs with her cooperation. J'air sighed, glad but knowing this would still be a long road for the grieving child.

Tate's discomfort was nowhere near the doctor's or the Marine's, but in that moment, she felt pulled in three directions, not quite sure who to attend to first, and literally prevented from moving because Japha clung to her leg. Looking up at the ACMO, Sullivan mouthed thank you and a brush of her hands alongside the doctor's arm before offering, "We've all been hurting, haven't we? We feel mad, and sad, and hurt.. end it can feel so big, it's hard to know what to do with it, yeah? I think if we can share what we're feeling, if we can be with people to see we are struggling, it's almost like we each take a piece of the other person's hurt, so it all feels just a little bit lighter. We can also feel nice things to… like being happy we received help when we needed it."

Turning in Sam's direction, she spoke to the little girl in her arms, but it was clear her message was directed toward the marine. "It's OK to not be OK, and it's OK to ask for help. There are always people around who will listen and not be disappointed if you feel sad, hurt, angry, afraid, or anything like that."

Sam listened to all that went on and figured that he was lucky to get off so lightly. He waited a moment, it was so busy in the tent. Even in this corner of it. People going in and out, the rush of cold air. Marines talking loudly, apologizing and then moving on. The COMM traffic was bacjground noise but Sam's ears kept picking it up. He still had Japha's drawing of her parents. He offered it back to her, "I'm sorry about your mom and your dad. I know they loved you very much. They wanted you to go on living. I'm sorry little miss."

Samuel looked at the doctor and the Counselor, "There was so much going on. The deck was tearing itself open. We....we could have lost the entire deck if we didn't strengthen the spaceframe with atmosphere and pressure. There wasn't enough time. And we..." he shook his head, "...we were so pressed for time. I picked her up, we tried to get everyone. We got past the bulkhead and....the doors closed. That was it. They were gone. Everyone. Must have been a dozen or more. Anyway." Sam looked back at Japha and she was watching him. Her hood pulled back a little and he could see her wet eyes and her wet cheeks. "Here's your picture back" he held it out again for Japha to take.

Woolheater is right-hand dominant and so he held out her paper drawing with his hand still gloved in the protecting combat armor glove.

Japha reaches out to him and reaches not for the picture; but lays her ungloved, little hand on his. The stark difference of the black, silver and gray of the combat armor against the small, frail, child's hand is dramatic. Then, with his left hand, Sam retracts the combat armor to reveal his left hand. He reached for hers and lays his now ungloved left hand on hers.

J'air was moved to hear how it had all happened. It sounded terrifying and she felt a tug of pain in empathy for San and for little Japha alike. She was even more moved to see Japha take Sam's gloved hand and he return the gesture with his ungloved left hand in return. It was a beautiful and yet agonising moment.

"I'm sorry little miss; I couldn't save your parents" Sam said.

Japha takes the picture she drew, she holds it in her hands looking at it and then hands it back, "You can keep it if you want to? To remember me and my mom and my dad. If you want to?"

His voice choked and he caught up his breath. He felt a flood of emotion that was in danger of overwhelming his ability to be stoic. He did the very best he could but he felt his eyes sting. "Yes miss. I do want to." That was all he could manage. Anymore and he was sure that tears would flow. Because, this little girl lost her whole family, all the people that cared about her. She would become an orphan and when they got back to the Federation, she would be cared for. But not like having a parent who loves you. And yet...she could break his heart with a touch and a look and a child's tenderness.

He looked at Lieutenant Tate and then at doctor Mora-Heath. Japha laid her head on Tate's shoulder.

Sam said, "Thanks for dropping by?"

There was so much Tate wanted to say. She didn't expect Sam to open his emotional wound before her by explaining in more grown-up detail what had happened, but she still felt guilty for addressing it with him here in a not exactly private place. Even with Japha in her arms and knowing Sam had his image to uphold, she wanted to embrace him, to ease the pain she saw everywhere she looked. She swallowed the lump in her throat and reminded herself comfort delayed wasn't comfort denied. "Thanks for seeing all of us." She paused, then offered, "Would it be alright with you, Captain, if I came by later to see you and your people? To talk, I mean, in more private circumstances." She wasn't insisting on sessions per se, she just wanted to circle back.

He unconsciously took an inward breath and then exhaled, resuming his breathing. "Yeah...yes...of course. That'd be....fine." He nodded. He held the picture and held himself together. When the moment had passed he said, "Well, I've got to get back."

When Doctor Mora-Heath, Counselor Sullivan and Japha had elft the tent, there was a brief moment when Sam was alone. He looked at the drawing in his hand. And he felt, for the first time in this mission, really helpless and useless. In the privacy of the moment he turned to a corner of the tent and was wracked with guilt. He let his eyes water and a tear from each eye fell onto his face. And it was in that moment that he was reminded just how precarious there survival was. They were a long way from home and the detatchment had lost one-third strength. The other marines were showing signs of stress and fatigue. And if they couldn't keep themselves together, to help people like Japha and the Doc and the Counselor...then what good were any of them?

"Captain?" a voice behind him called. Sam wiped his eyes, "Yeah!" he said mildly irritated.

"Sorry Cap. Repair work is starting in Marine Country on the ship sir. Repair crews want to know if they can use that area as a temporary staging area for expanded repairs. Since most of our systems are still operational and independent."

Sam nodded, "Thank you...I'll be right there?"

"Captain?" the marine asked.

"I need just a moment. I'll be there. One moment please." he said and it sounded like an order.

"Copy that" was the response.

He packed it all away again. Stuffed it all down somewhere deep. He had to not be afraid, had to be strong, be a leader. He sighed, "ok...onward."

He stepped into the command tent and got back to work.

[OFF:]

Lieutenant J'airesh Mora-Heath

&

Lieutenant Tate Sullivan

&

Japha

&

Captain Samuel Woolheater