Avoidance

Posted on Tue Feb 20th, 2024 @ 11:03am by Ensign Maxine Mckull Ms.

Mission: Season 6: Episode 4: Memory Lane
Location: Navigational control, U.S.S Elysium
Timeline: MD6
521 words - 1 OF Standard Post Measure

Busy work.
Until now, Max had never understood the purpose of it. Yet in this situation, it seemed all too obvious. She didn't want to sleep. She wouldn't admit to anyone the reason why, of course, even if she was aware of it on some level. She didn't want to face it, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew. She was afraid.
She was afraid of the dreams. She barely remembered them. But what she could recall was dark. Cruel. It was as if the universe were mocking her, she felt. So, she kept herself busy, so she wouldn't fall asleep.
All in all, Max hadn't slept in two days now, save for the occasional moment where she drifted off in private. Though she had the mental discipline of a Vulcan, she was still human. That fact came with limitations she was trying very hard to ignore.
Which was what lead her to navigational control at this far too early hour. The system seemed to have required increased maintenance as of late, or maybe that was just what she was telling herself to keep her mind occupied. But tonight, her task was a painstaking one. Realigning the navigational sensors. Not a strictly necessary task, but one which could boost resolution by a few percentage points. In her mind, it was a win win. She stayed awake, and the Elysium performed better for it.
Yet even as she worked on the system, she could sense her human nature trying to catch up with her. She was definitely tired. Maybe a little sluggish. But she would stubbornly refuse to surrender. At least, until they were out of this region of space.
Her mind seemed to drift elsewhere as she worked, which was when Max realized something else. Something she really, really did not want to admit. Something she didn't want to have to deal with. Yet, the impact it could have on her could have been far more damaging than a little loss of sleep.
It was getting harder and harder for her to focus. While she wasn't in danger of falling asleep, Max was having trouble keeping up her mental barriers. If they fell, her implant would start broadcasting, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.
She paused, and huffed quietly to herself. She was alone, for the moment. While she wouldn't let her barriers drop unless she were in her quarters, Max did allow her mind to wander a little. Of course, this meant the job moved a little slower, but thinking about different things helped keep her mind stimulated and-
She jolted.
She had very nearly, or perhaps entirely, drifted off. That... would not have been a good look. Had it been a few seconds? Minutes? She didn't know. But now, Max found herself motivated to stay awake all the more... at least until she managed to realign the Elysium's systems for the increased output she sought. Then, maybe then, she'd risk letting herself fall asleep. She would rest. At least long enough for her to keep going a little while longer without sleeping.