Think again

Posted on Thu Feb 29th, 2024 @ 3:34am by Captain Samuel Woolheater & Lieutenant Commander Alicia Kelea-Salik

Mission: Season 6: Episode 4: Memory Lane
Location: DECK FOURTEEN - COUNSELING SUITE #6
Timeline: MD08 - MORNING
2170 words - 4.3 OF Standard Post Measure

[ON:]

Sam was early for his appointment. He didn't like doctor's offices. They were too sterile in more ways than just antiseptic. Counseling offices were generally better. At least there were couches. But the idea that there was something "wrong" with him irked him to no end. He stepped out of the waiting area and wandered down to the chapel. The room was a blank canvas. Not quite a holosuite, but holo enabled. Thereby allowing for a wide and varied variety of forms to be overlaid. The chapel was empty at the moment. He stepped inside and took a look around. He noticed the holo controls and scrolled through the various overlays and templates that were available. His finger scrolled past the "M's" and slowed down at the "S's". There was "Selkan". Those would be the native peoples of Pacifica and his home. He was Human, of course, but he grew up on Pacifica. He selected the "Selkan" template.

After a brief loading pause, the scene changed and he was in a Selkan pyramid. Inside, the base, were rows of pews, circular and all facing each other in circles towards the center where there was the rounded bowl "altar". On each side of the four faces of the pyramid were the brilliantly colored and lumiscent coral and bio-luminescent plants. Adorning them, in regular patterns were the artifical lights that shone like underwater stars. There were four "saints" that were depicted on each face that were made of stained glass that was itself glowing with bioluminescent light. Telling the story of how the world came to be flooded. And all around that were depictions of the multitude of life under the sea. Above his head, forming a symmetrical mirror image of the bottom was an upside down pyramid. The echo of the bottom to the top. This represented the "ocean" (the sky and the heavens) above in harmony. A kind of, "as above; so below" that Humans might relate to.

There were the standard candles that burned like small stars and filled the place with a delightfully sea smell that he loved so much. He walked into the sacred space and looked up. These places were normally found only under the waters. But, when life started to move onto the land and began breathing the air, the story changed and adapted. So that these sacred places were also on land. This was probably modelled on the large Selkan pyramid at Harmonia Mundi, on the coast. Above him, in the pyramidal echo he saw the birds flying above him. And above them, the stars and great space snakes in low orbit of Pacifica. He stood next to the large crystal bowl and looked in.

Alicia had stepped out of her office in time to see which way Sam had gone, giving him a little time alone she quietly entered the chapel, walking over to him she smiled warmly. “I hope I’m not intruding? I can’t say I'm familiar with this chapel design.”

He heard Alicia come in. Well, he suspected it might be her. He could hear her softly walking towards the crystal bowl. He looked over at her and said, "Lieutenant Commander. Not at all; you can't intrude on something you are already a part of. The Selkans say we are all just...drops...in the great sea. A drop in the ocean.." here he touched the water to get a drop. "And the ocean...in a drop..." here the drop fell from his finger and back into the water of the bowl.

“Ahh it’s a Selkan temple, I’ve never seen one. There are so many religions these days it’s impossible to know them all. I’m always interested to learn though.” Alicia smiled warmly. “We are star stuff, it’s something I heard once and it kind of stuck, though it’s nicer to think that we are part of the great sea, drops in the ocean.”

"Yeah. They are a pretty remarkable people. Anyway. You're welcome to stay? This is the Selkan sanctuary at Harmonia Mundi. The program says so. I was here - just a kid - a long time ago." He looked at her and said, "Is it time for us to meet?" he asked her.

Alicia nodded. “It is, but there’s no one else here so we can stay here to talk if you’d like?” She offered a warm smile. “How are you doing?”

He thought about it a moment. He would much prefer a private setting. Where the number of people that could eavesdrop was limited. He knew that there was never no one listening in. Even the ship's AI had to listen in order to respond if needed. But another thought was that, maybe, she wasn't comfortable around him at the moment. It was possible. And while he didn't know the background of the Chief Counselor, he knew that she routinely worked with security and marines before. She would know what a person with Sam's training could do. That the marine himself was a weapon. And so, in the second that it took him to think it through he decided that he could stand to be exposed in a more public setting. "Yeah...maybe this will be OK then. We can just meet here" he said. Sam instinctively did not want his back to the door and he compromised by moving a little to his left and away from the crystal bowl altar in the center. He announced his intentions to try and reduce the anxiety - if she had any - about his intentions.

"I'm heading for the front pew here. I'll just sit here?" He said as he sat down and adjusted his uniform. He had been getting looks from members of the regular crew all day. "We can talk. How am I doing? I'm angry. At myself. Because I hurt somebody....Adelaide...and I'm not sure why. I don't remember going to the Promenade. And...this has never happened before. So, I don't know what's going on with me. And - if I don't know what's going on - I keep thinking it could happen again. Right? So...I'm (ahem)...concerned about being too close to anybody. Because how do I know I won't hurt them? I'm supposed to see Andrinn tonight. First dinner in a while and...I think I might lie to him. And make up some reason to not be with him. Because...of this. And I'm angry...and I don't know what to do about it."

Alicia took a seat nearby, nodding as she listened. “I appreciate your honesty, but before we go any further there’s one thing I want you to know...” she paused. “I’m not afraid of being around you, I suggested staying here because you seemed more at ease here, but it is less private than you’d probably like so...” she smiled.

“Computer...restrict access to the chapel, and activate privacy mode until further notice.” She waited for acknowledgement before looking back at Sam.
“Now...I understand your anger, we have ascertained that your sleepwalking was due to the nightmares, and that what happened to Adelaide was a result of a waking nightmare. Are you in agreement with that assessment?”

The edges of the chapel frosted over; fuzzed out. That was better. "Thank you. For saying that. I don't want people to be afraid of me; I'm still in control. At least I think I am." He returned to the questions, "I've had these nightmares for a week? They finally stopped. They were...unpleasant. Made me feel bad. I heard other people talking so I think a lot of us were having them? But, the attack on Adelaide was different. It wasn't a dream or a nightmare. It was nothing...I had no thoughts at all. I don't even remember getting up, travelling, walking. I wasn't aware of her or anyone that I can remember. I woke up, literally, with my k-bar in her chest. And my first thought was, 'who did this?'. Then I realized, it was me."

Alicia nodded a frown on her face. “So it wasn’t a nightmare? It was more of a blackout of sorts?” She paused. “We’ve all been deprived of sleep lately, lack of sleep can cause psychological problems, but I don’t think it’s been long enough to have that kind of effect.” She paused to think. “You have no memory at all? Just ‘coming around’ to find what had happened. It’s very odd.”

Sam paused, "Wait. I'm sorry. I'm really tired. I apologize. I remember now. I was having the worst nightmare. I just remembered. I'm so sorry. I was dreaming. I don't remember how I got to the Promenade. But I was dreaming about walking." He was irritated and he slapped his head out of frustration, "Idiot!" He sighed, "I's so sorry. I'm a dumbass. Isn't there anyone on board that can help me with recovering my memory? Or at least confirming that I was dreaming? I just now remembered that yes, I was having my nightmare. I know that I was walking in the nightmare. But the rest is a jumbled mess."

“Sam...relax” Alicia offered a calming, understanding gaze. “You’re not dumb, you’ve been through a lot. Okay so it was triggered by a nightmare, so that explains how you got there, you were sleepwalking.” She smiled.

He nodded, "I'm sorry. I feel all wound up. I can't relax and when I close my eyes; I don't like the nightmares. They've stopped but I still think about them. Can't we just talk here? I don't want to walk through the ship again. And I don't like sickbay. It reminds me of all the times I had to be there...to ID somebody. And write the letters home. Can..." he hesitated and sat back and took a breath. "...I just want to talk I guess? Being here in this part of space. Circinus. So far away from home. Some of the guys under my command are homesick. More than that. They don't know if we're ever going to get home. It....this situation....is hard on everyone. And yeah, we just keep trooping through it." He rubbed his eyes, "They gave us an injection. I think everybody knows that by now. The side effects are there. But everybody is different. Some marines get more tired, some get more aggressive...maybe one sleepwalks? Doc Mora-Heath said they are safe. And I guess since none of us died yet you can't argue with that." He looked at his hands, "But what is this doing in my body? That it can obscure a transporter signal? You know? Will my kidney's still work after it gets all filtered out?"

"If the Doctor said it's safe, then it must be safe, though I guess only time will tell" Alicia relaxed back in her seat. "As for getting home, we're all in the same boat...or rather aboard the same ship, we just have to keep going day by day, we have to have faith that we'll get home."

"Yes, there's that word again. 'Faith' that we're going to find our way through the slavers territory. 'Faith' that unlike everybody else; somehow we're going to survive and make it through. I suppose this is a good place to have 'faith'." He put his hand to his head and massaged the bridge of his nose, "Don't get me wrong. I know what you mean. Everything will work out as it is meant too. And we are a capable crew."

He looked up at the 'sky' and said after a long moment, "In my world; trust is earned; not given away. I trust that the marines under my command know their jobs and they do them. I trust that. I trust them with my life. They trust me to know what I'm doing. And so on up the chain. But now? I don't trust myself. So how in the hell is anyone above me or below me in the chain going to trust me?" He looked at her, "After what's happened?"

Alicia nodded. “I understand Sam, I really do. First things first we need to get you back to a positive state of mind. What happened wasn’t truly your fault, you didn’t purposely go out to stab anyone, you didn’t even know you were out of your quarters. There are ways we can counter that risk, but you need to forgive yourself before you can truly move on.”

"I hear you Counselor. I do. I didn't know that I was asleep. But that's almost worse than having some alien mind-control. If I was being controlled or influenced. Then it wasn't me. But...blacking out? Sleepwalking? I never sleepwalked in my whole life! That's worse. That means there is something wrong with me. And...I don't know what to do about that."


[OFF:]