Broken

Posted on Sat Aug 3rd, 2024 @ 12:35am by Lieutenant Commander Alicia Kelea-Salik & Lieutenant Commander S'hib

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: S’hib’s office
1693 words - 3.4 OF Standard Post Measure

Having spoken with Naxea, Alicia made her way to S’hib’s Office. She needed to talk to him and now was as good a time as any. She stepped into the security offices looking around for S’hib.

Several officers looked up from their desks when the door opened, spotting Alicia's teal uniform before glancing at one another.

"He's in his office." Said a young officer from over her desk terminal. "He's not in a good mood though... said not to disturb him unless it was urgent."

“Oh it’s urgent” Alicia nodded her thanks and headed across to S’hib’s Office. She pressed the chime but didn’t bother waiting for an answer as she walked inside. “Commander, I need to talk to you.”

He glanced up at her, still resting his chin in the palm of a hand as his elbow dug into the desk. "I thought I locked that door..." he mumbled to himself, frowning deeply before inhaling and letting out a dejected sigh.

“Wouldn’t have done any good anyway, medical override” Ariana offered a smile before sitting down in front of S’hib. “Right...talk to me. I’ve spoken with Naxea, not that I’m going to go into details on a private conversation. I do, however, want to know what happened between the two of you.”

Again he glanced over to her, his head tilting more towards her this time but remaining firmly wedged in his cloven hand. "I stopped her from throwing her life away, and now she hates me..."

He sat up, letting his hand fall to the desk with a dull thud. "Nothing else to it."

Another sigh left his lips, frustrated and deliberate as he reached across to a PADD that was flashing with notifications.

Alicia put her hand on the PADD stopping S’hib from picking it up. “I want to hear what happened, all of it.”

He groaned, letting go of the PADD and leaning back into his chair. "I'm sure you know what happened when the away team got back." he said as he trailed his fingers over the rim of the desk, wanting something to preoccupy himself with.

"She was gonna kill him, then and there... something I'm sure I would have done too had the roles been reversed. But I stopped her, I took the knife away and I saved that bastards life."

His gaze hit Alicia like a truck, it wasn't so much that he regretted what he had done, just that he had hated doing it.

"Later that same day we had a massive argument," He concluded, looking down at the desk and finally his lap. "we've barely spoken since..."

Alicia nodded. “I know, all I can say is Naxea is very hurt and afraid.” She couldn’t say anymore without betraying Naxea’s trust. “Have you tried to call her to talk about everything?”

“There isn't anything to talk about, we both think we’re right… I am right!” S’hib snorted, his irritation bubbling to the surface. “The bastard deserved every inch of that blade, but not from her!” He scowled, slamming his fist on the desk.

“Fair enough” Alicia held up her hands in a calming gesture. “You stopped Naxea from making a mistake she wouldn’t be able to come back from.” She paused. “What about at home later on? What happened between you?”

"We shouted." He stated matter of factly. "The place was a mess, she'd taken her frustrations out on our quarters... and thankfully Slee was not home at the time, so I left her there... and went to go get my daughter."

He blinked away any inclination of emotion as he looked about his desk, his eyes lost somewhere else in his mind.

"Thing is, that place isn't really our home... it was supposed to be temporary after our actual home burned with the rest of the deck, but it was still Slee's home..."

Alicia nodded. “A home you’d tried to bring some normality to for your daughter.” She paused. “I understand how hard that is. So what now S’hib? Ideally the two of you need to talk face to face, but is that something you can face doing?”

He let out a deep sigh, in truth, he didn't know and that's what scared him.

“I've been in firefights that are less daunting than this... Things are a lot easier when they're just shooting at you."

Alicia smiled and nodded. “I can understand that. Would it be any easier if I arranged a meeting between you in my office? I won’t interrupt, I’ll purely be there to help keep things calm and on a level footing. That is of course, if Naxea would agree to it.”

"No... no, she won't respect that... It's something I've got to do myself."

He frowned, finally looking back up at Alicia. "Just, help her... I'll be fine."

"Is that so?" Alicia offered a warm smile. "Don't try being the ever tough person S'hib, we all need a chance to let off steam or just to talk to someone else about what bothers us. I'll help Naxea, and I'll help you too."

"I've let off enough steam already..." He grumbled, fully aware of the mess he had put himself in.

He frowned briefly before his features softened, his mind going elsewhere for a moment.

"I- I don't know if your people have a similar expression, but on Sequella you might say that I've been clenching my fist to hold onto sand instead of just..." He paused, cupping his hands together to form a bowl. "holding it."

"But I am running out of sand... and it feels like the wind might blow away what's left at any moment if I don't hold onto them." He added, clenching a fist before leaning the tip of his muzzle onto it, pressing his flat and malleable lips into his knuckles as he thought about what to do.

Alicia nodded. “If you don’t hold onto them they’ll be gone forever?” She offered a warm smile. “There’s nothing wrong with holding on tight, but at the same time you don’t want to come across as dominating. Naxea is afraid, she needs to feel the love you have for her, to hell with grabbing on tight, just hold on gently and slowly let that sand fill back up again.”

He gently nodded, taking in what she had said with a quiet acceptance.

"You know... this ship, everything we've all been through... I sometimes wonder if shes cursed, it's like we've been at war with the universe... or its at war with us."

He looked over at his desk terminal, his eyes briefly absorbing the notifications building up.

"I'm probably going to resign when we get home." He confessed while squinting at a report transcript.

“Really?” Alicia gave S’hib a surprised look. “That is totally up to you, but in all honesty you’d be missed. We’ve lost so much, not just here but over the last few years. We’ve become a family, a large estranged family of sorts. I know we haven’t really gotten to know each other very well in the past, but I’d be fascinated to learn more about your people & your culture. It would be a shame to see you go.”

"I'd miss everyone too, but..." He trailed off as if undecided on resigning or not. "It's too dangerous for Slee or any other children aboard," S'hib added firmly, dancing around the finality of such a choice.

Another PADD flashed awake on the other side of his desk, drawing his attention for a moment as he watched it fade and return to a blank screen.

"Alicia, Do you know how many orphans we have now? I'll answer that for you... too many."

He shook his head, a bitter anger creeping onto his features. "And it feels like I'm the only one that's got a problem with the way everything is, the way this ship is... everything just fucked."

He let out a long sigh, burying a cheek into the palm of a hand as his elbow thudded against the desk. "including me."

Alicia nodded. “I understand, I really do. I have children of my own, including one of those orphans. We do what we can under the circumstances, and we try to improve from there. As much as it’s dangerous, I’d rather have my family with me than be out there leaving them to wonder if I’m going to come back or not.”

S'hib nodded gently, thinking about what she had said. "Well, I'm sure Starfleet is wondering the same right now, but if and when we get back... well, they aren't going to enjoy reading the reports."

He shifted in his seat, the unease of his next words making the padded seat suddenly uncomfortable.

"Alicia, there are going to be investigations because of those reports, people are going to lose their jobs, me included... I should have been court-martialled for what I did, I probably still will be."

He paused, letting his words sink in.

"Thats why I'm going to resign when we get home, I don't deserve to wear this uniform and I don't want to wear it anymore either..."

A defeated sigh left his nostrils as he sunk into a hunched position, deflating before her eyes.

"But while I am still wearing it, I have a job to do... and I'm already behind on next week's rota so I'm going to have to ask that we continue this conversation another time."

Alicia nodded. “Of course, I’m sorry.” She offered a polite smile as she rose from her seat. “We’ll talk again, and if you need me you know where to find me.”

"Thank you, Alicia..." S'hib replied, already burying himself in his work. "I hope the rest of your shift goes well." He added, not taking his eyes off the report he was reading.

“Likewise Commander” Alicia offered a smile even though S’hib wasn’t looking. With that she headed on her way.