Counseling Session

Posted on Tue Dec 11th, 2018 @ 4:46am by Lieutenant JG Gallia Norris & Lieutenant Tate Sullivan Ph.D.

Mission: MISSION 0 - History Speaks
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: TBA
2395 words - 4.8 OF Standard Post Measure

If there was one thing that annoyed Gallia to no end it was the amount of time she'd spent with counselors in the last couple years. Of course, she understood that they were all trying to do their job, and it was a tough job, but she'd always thought that there had to be a better use of her time than lying on a couch talking to someone who was essentially a stranger about things she didn't want to discuss. No, she didn't want to discuss how she felt after her parents were killed in that accident. No, she didn't want to talk about Dolana's murder or inheriting a premature baby daughter via c-section. No, she didn't want to go through her 'breakdown' after her mother's death. And, no, she didn't want to discuss her relationship with her brother. And she for bloody sure didn't want to discuss Rico Cardille, though she knew that was going to come up, too. She sighed and took a deep breath in front of the counselor's office, reminding herself that this Commander Tate was just doing their job and the sooner she got it over with the sooner she could be back on duty and also back with Tayalas, who wasn't feeling good and had already decimated three diapers that morning, "Bloody hell..." she muttered, ringing the chime and waiting.

"Come in," Tate called out, surprised she had another visitor so soon after the last. She was just getting up to head to her desk when the chime rang. Placing the PADD with her previous notes on her desk for the time being, she turned to greet her latest visitor just in time for the doors to hiss open. "Hello, Ensign. I'm Tate Sullivan. How may I be of service?"

"Just here for the mandatory brain exam, Sir." Gallia replied, "Gallia Norris, it's a pleasure to meet ya."

Tate smiled at the unique characterization. She'd heard several over the years, but not that one. "Pleased to meet you too," she replied, gesturing for Gallia to take a seat. "Feel free to call me Tate in here if you like. I'm not big on formality when it's just the two of us. Anything to drink?" she asked, gesturing to the replicator. "I like to use these talks as a way to get to know people and a way for them to know me, so if they ever need to talk, it's not so intimidating."

"Actually, yes, a cup of tea would be nice. Orange pikot." Gallia replied, "And feel free to call me Gallia, or just Lia if you prefer, that's what my sister calls... called me." Well, crap, she thought, now we know where we're going first, don't we?

Sullivan walked over to the replicator and fulfilled Lia's order easily enough. Naturally, the other woman's slip of the tongue didn't escape her notice, but Tate hesitated to address it immediately, taking a moment to think about what she knew of Lia's service record. As Tate recalled, there was a fair amount of trauma in the woman's background. Carefully handing Lia the warm beverage before sitting across from her, she offered, "I think it's nice when we refer to people we've lost in the present tense… It's like the important things aren't really gone." Tate wasn't concerned about her slip of the tongue. She knew the psychological evaluations at the Academy were conducted by people and people weren't perfect, but she truly didn't think Lia would have been accepted if she still believed her sister was alive in the literal sense.

"Yeah, lost her in my forth year. Mum and Dad in third." Gallia replied, sipping the wonderfully warm beverage, "Nobody thought I was gonna make it through the Academy after that, especially after losin' my parents and my dad's best friend, basically an Uncle, all at once. But I 'spose that's all in the file, right?"

Tate nodded. "It is, but I don't really know what you thought and felt about it or how you dealt with it. Naturally, I have other people's opinions and thoughts, but those don't always tell a complete story, you know? That's a lot of loss in a very short time."

"It really was." The engineer nodded, taking it all in for just a second, "Losing Mum was the worst a' it. Well, losing Mum and everybody startin' treatin' me like I was made a' porcelain and gonna crack at the slightest pressure. If it wasn't friends constantly checkin' on me or instructors takin' it easy on me it was counselors, no offense, Commander, over analyzing every little thing I did. It was something else, almost went crazy tryin' to convince people I wasn't nuts."

Tate's eyebrows rose at the curious expression. "Oh? How exactly did you do that?"

"With bloody near no succcess." Gallia laughed, "Seems the more I told people I was okay, the less they wanted to believe it. Then I shaved my head and that led to all sortsa speculation... Maybe not my best move, in retrospect." She sipped her tea thoughtfully, "But that doesn't mean I'm crazy."

"That's true," Tate acknowledged. "I am wondering though, what you were thinking and feeling when you did that?"

"Mum always did my hair when I was a little girl. My sister's, too. Even into our teens and sometimes when we were in the Academy, or in Lana's case active duty. It was sort of our thing with her so we both kept our hair pretty long." Gallia began, this was the first time she didn't feel imposed upon to talk about her mother, "Then when she died, it was like, what's the point? So, I grabbed some clippers and took it off to the scalp. Guess I figured it would speed the grieving process along, plus it was kind of liberatin' and all that. Until the speculation started, spent so much time with the counselor for that one..."

"I suppose it's not a reaction most people associate with grief," Tate allowed. "Although the truth is, grief can be so overwhelming, there really is no handbook for what's right and wrong." She paused, then said, "I could see how shaving your head was your way of trying to regain control in a way."

"Was actually pretty cute, too." Gallia laughed, though she had been told so by many people, "Some mornin's when it's too bloody hectic ta deal with I think about doin' it again."

Tate smiled. "You think on it, but obviously, you haven't acted on it. Why do you think that is?"

"I'll do it if you do it with me." Gallia joked, "Seriously, the reason I don't is because the urge to take it off only comes to a head is when I'm stressed dealin' with stuff in the mornin's. Plus I really don't wanna be put back under a microscope again, ya know?"

Tate nodded. "I can understand that. It sounds like that reaction happened under some pretty extreme stress, so I'm wondering, when you say you have those urges still sometimes, does that mean you feel that level of stress?"

"Sorta." Gallia shrugged, "I mean, there's the stress, plus there's the idea of havin' one less thing ta worry on. And sleep. An extra ten minutes a' sleep's worth twice it's weight in latinum some nights, ya know? But, I also don't wanna make any sudden big changes, babies are all about routine." That part was definitely true, virtually every decision Gallia made now was first reviewed through the lens of Tayalas' routine.

"I think this is the first time you mentioned your little one. Talk about big life changes, yeah?"Tate asked, reassured by her earlier answer. It seemed her reasons for the impulse to cut her hair were now practical rather than emotional, not an indication of poor judgment.

"Aye, that it was." Gallia sighed, "Lost ma sister and gained an infant all in the space a' five hours. Almost lost the baby, too. Worst night a' ma life, didnae think anythin' could be worse than when mum and dad died, but here comes Rico bloody Cardille...."

"Your file indicated your sister died and you gained custody of your niece, but I don't recall a mention of that man. I gather I'm treading on sensitive territory, but would you mind telling me more of who you mean and what happened?"

"He was Dolana's boyfriend, Tayalas'.... donor." Gallia answered, "Humans and Andorians, they can't have babies without all sorts of medical assistance, so this was no unplanned pregnancy. No, they wanted the baby. Lana, she wanted the baby so badly, was all she talked about for months. She didnae realize Mister Cardille was a violent drunk, not until he tried ta kill me over callin' him out about cheatin' on ma sister. Lana... She took the shot for me. He was tryin' ta kill me and she died for me... Why I had ta take the baby on, even if Charles is the better choice to raise a child. Lana died, they delivered Tay by c-section, handed her to me and she's mine now. Rico Cardille and his whole bastard family be damned ta hell..."

"That's an incredible amount of trauma for one person to bear," Tate remarked. "It sounds like you had absolutely no time to process this, let alone to grieve. How are you doing with all of this, truly?"

"I focus on Tayalas." Gallia shrugged, like it was the most natural thing in the galaxy, "She was delivered a full month early because of that bastard, she needs me. Thankfully she doesn't seem to be behind developmentally, so there's that worry off ma plate. I mean, would I like ta have another proper meltdown? Sure. But I can't." Gallia leaned back and stared towards the ceiling, "Ma brother, Charles, he and his wife have offered ta take her mar than once, but I cannae let them." She continued, "I mean, they're better set and mar stable, Leftenant Commanders both, but they weren't there when she was born, they didn't see her when she opened her eyes that first time. I know Charles is right, lettin' them take Tay in is the most logical choice, but I didnae ever say I was the most logical woman."

"You and the baby share a deep connection. She's the only one who will understand what you went through and the only one who will understand what you've lost," Tate remarked. "Still, I can't help but wonder where her needs fit in all of this."

"I like ta think I'm meetin' 'em all, even to the exclusion of mine." Gallia answered honestly, "But I do worry sometimes that I don't have as good of a handle on it as I think. Like maybe sometimes it seems that lettin' Charles have her would be for the best. Just cannae bear the thought is all..."

She appreciated the candor. If she had gotten defensiveness or resentment,Tate wouldn't have reason to believe her initial concerns were true. A parent needed to be capable of putting a child's needs before his or her own. " it's good that you can be so honest with yourself. I would be more concerned if you insisted she stay with you because you need her at all costs, even at her expense."

"Nothin' will ever come for me at her expense." Gallia shook her head, "Never."

"I believe you," Tate replied sincerely. "To me, that means her aunt needs to put her needs front and center too. Is there something you're not doing in that regard you want to work on?"

"Well," Gallia began, leaning in close and talking in a lower register, "I've basically been alone since right after I got Tay. I mean, I had a girlfriend then, but we sorta drifted apart, by which I mean she fled the scene in a bloody big hurry."

"I'm sorry," Sullivan offered sincerely. "It's natural to want to have someone to share your life with."

"Well, I didnae die yet." Gallia laughed, "I might even find someone here. Not like there's not plenty of good people roamin' about. Attractive ones, too. I feel good about ma chances. And, if it doesn't happen, I got a beautiful child ta keep me company. Me? I'll be fine."

Sullivan smiled. "I have no doubt about that, but if you ever do need someone to talk to you for those moments that you aren't fine, I'm here. You don't have to do this alone."

"That's a good thing to hear, Tate." Gallia smiled, "I cannae imagine facin' this life alone. I wouldnae wan't to, either."

They had made a good start. "I am satisfied you are fit for duty, but I'd like us to keep talking if that's OK with you? You've shared a lot and I think it's only fair since I asked you to unpack all of that to help you sort it out bit by bit," she added with a smile.

"That's fine." Gallia shrugged, "I dinnae have anything to do for the rest of the day except gettin' Tayalas and feedin' her."

Tate smiled. "Why don't we set up a session for next week? That'll give you time to make arrangements for Tayalas and give you time to reflect more on what you want to work on."

Gallia paused for a second, it had seemed just before that Tate wanted her to stick around, now she seemed ready for her to leave... Maybe I misread her, Gallia thought, though for a second it had seemed like Tate had shown signs of... interest. Of course, she reminded herself, it has been a long time since we saw that from anybody, "Of course." She said, "When's a good day for you?"

Tate reached for her schedule behind her and tapped a few keys. After a moment, she asked, "Does Tuesday next week work, after your shift of course."

"Sounds great." Gallia nodded, Tate was very sweet and caring, making her wonder if her initial impressions might be right after all. No, she dismissed it, she's just really good at her job.

Tate smiled and stood to walk out with Gallia. "It was a pleasure meeting you."

"Aye, very much so." Gallia smiled at Tate, still not sure if she was reading her right, "Lookin' forward to the next time."