Teardrops and Tissues

Posted on Sun Jun 21st, 2020 @ 5:21am by Lieutenant Commander S'hib & Ensign River Lokaa

Mission: Season 3: Episode 4: Cause and Effect
Location: Rivers Quarters
Timeline: Shortly after - These Hooves were made for walking
2426 words - 4.9 OF Standard Post Measure

River had made it all the way back to her quarters without a hitch, in fact, her tears and the need to cry was over by the time she made it to the turbo lift. She had told herself she was being sad, pathetic and unlike an Elasian but she couldn't help but also think that S'hib didn't realize that he was pushing her maybe faster than she wanted too, that and the fact she had some silly crush on her superior didn't help. She even wondered if he could love the same as what humans could being that their culture was so different, everything she had studied and read and seen from his holodeck suggested they didn't really have a grasp on the singular relationship she called it the 'herd mentality'.

Outside S’hib spent the last few minutes staring at the tissue he had used earlier, and trace of moisture was long since evaporated and he wondered if there was any point in what he was doing. “Suppose its the thought that counts?” He asked himself, having no real intention on answering it as his hand had already tapped the button to the side of Rivers door.

Looking up from where she sat on the edge of her bed, River said "Come in" Very few people actually came to see her and she had at a guess who was on the other side so when the door opened and Shib's form shadowed the threshold she wasn't surprised. "I was about to come back" she lied.

"Might be best you didn't..." S'hib said softly as he stepped under the door frame, allowing the door to shut before speaking again. "Not with me anyway," He added more to himself as he turned his hand over, looking down at the scrunched up tissue. "You left something, by the way..." He said sternly, holding out his hand.

River looked from the tissue to him, her hand unconsciously going to her cheek. Damnit she thought before saying, "You shouldn't have touched it, you're lucky you're not declaring your undying love and servitude to me." It was true that her tears, when touched by a humanoid would have those effects but quickly she deduced that his mammalian heritage made him immune. "You're not here to do that are you? I don't think I could take that, you're already screwing with my emotions as it is." Quickly realising what she said her hand shot to her mouth.

"No, I just thought I'd... wait, what do you mean?" He said with a confused tilt of his head, somewhat pointing his muzzle to the ceiling.

"Nothing," River said taking the tissue from his hand quickly, "Just forget I said anything, it's inappropriate and just... wrong and silly and can we not?" She asked pleadingly, it was also common knowledge amongst Elasians at least that they exhibited and expressed their feelings in a much greater capacity than humans, when they were angry they were really angry and when they were emotional they were really emotional. "Lets just remain professional and curious and..."

"And remain friends..." S'hib said with a heavy sigh, the cogs finally turning in the right directions.

"Yes," She said a little too quickly noting his sigh, "I mean you have you Naxea and I'm sure you like her very much and you are a superior officer, its a phase." She continued convincing more herself than S'hib the emotions on her face a bit more obscure and a mix between embarrassment, disappointment, and anger. "I'm sorry for letting it affect my work."

"No, I'm sorry... I uh, I should go." S'hib said as he turned around, unsure how to proceed now that his mind had found itself in a perplexing minefield of emotions.

River watched and almost let him leave but her mouth engaged before she thought and the most hypocritical words left it. "See that's your problem you just leave whenever anything gets difficult or confusing, it's like I finally get somewhere and then boom you walk off you're doing it now and you did in like a million times before the most annoying was on the holodeck, no wonder I have these dumb emotions and this silly crush on you!" She rolled her eyes, saying it out loud sounded ridiculous, this had to end one way or the other.

S'hib fell silent as his mind raced over everything, every word spoken between the two... every gesture. Why was this so difficult he thought to himself as his brow furled into a deep knot, unaware of the silence that now hung between them. "I don't know what to do..." He said mostly to himself, suddenly realising that his and his people's concept of love must be entirely different from those like River or Naxea.

"You can explain to me how your people conceive love?" She said shyly, "We vaguely touched on it before but you always get so jittery when it comes to it, you should be like, proud of your people why do you think I want to get to know them, know you so much." River explained her arms across her body protectively. "You might as well come in." She added.

“I am proud!” S’hib protested as he turned around fully, frowning deeply at River. “But I am with someone who is not of my world, not of my people... I cant expect her to put aside the way her heart works for me, but I can, because its the right thing to do!” S’hib snorted, verging on a shout.

"Which isn't fair either!" She argued back a little taken back by his snort, River was strong... really strong for a woman as most Elasians were but Sequus' were a whole new ball game. "I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that you should be allowed to express you own cultures and your own social structure but you never do and when I try to, you run off. Why doesn't she let you express the way you usually would and I'm not just talking about love, I'm done with that! I'm just mad that you don't get to be you, Starfleet goes on about being inclusive but if we don't look like them or don't do their things like wear their clothes were the aliens. Why haven't you taken her to see Sequella huh?"

“Because i'm scared!” S’hib replied, this time however, it was a shout... a shout that snapped his composure a sent him slowly falling, one shaking leg at a time to his knees and into the embrace of an anxiety attack the likes of which he had only experienced one other time, at the hands of the Orions.

hyper ventilating, nostrils flaring, S’hibs trembling hands fumbled with the small satchel around his belt, trying to remove the hypospray buried within.

Though the shout had scared her she acted quickly River moved to his side and with her hands gracefully unfastened the small satchel before removing the hypospray and pressing it gently against his skin, the hiss was audible and she watched for a positive response. "I'm sorry. This... this is so unprofessional" She said still holding the hypospray to his body her other hand on top fo his back, even on his knees he was still tall.

S'hib didn't move as the medication circulated throughout his body, he just sat there with a dark streak of wet hair down either side of his face. "You have no idea what I've been through..." He said quietly, his voice trembling through the last dregs of laboured breath. "I just wanted a friend."

River folded her legs under her and sat next to him now, "I did too" She said quietly before adding, "But then I saw you as more and then things got awkward. I either have no emotions or all emotions there's no in-between with female Elasians but that does not excuse me. I shouldn't have said the things I did. I just want you to be happy, but also be yourself. You're right I have no idea what you've been through I'm sorry S'hib" She hugged him around his neck.

"River," S'hib sighed as he leaned somewhat against her, resting his head gently on top of hers. "Have you considered that maybe being myself... wouldn't make me happier." He said as he closed his eyes.

Her words failed her as she opened and closed her mouth several times almost mimicking a fish, "But... why? I don't understand." River had changed the way she was because she learned that her people were quiet simply put, awful. But everything she had seen from S'hib and his holodeck program they were nothing alike and S'hib was kind and gentle he had no reason to change that she could see.

"Because I'm happy pretending to be human... when it makes everyone else happier." S'hib said as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"But S'hib, you're no more human than I am Sequus. Making other people happy is pointless when you're not happy yourself." River ran her hand down his neck it was smooth but tense she could feel his muscle. "Its where I was going wrong when I first joined Starfleet I focused so much on fitting in that I forgot who I was and where I came from. I still do. I think it's in part why you and I connected so well."

"It's a little bit different for me River... you know this from visiting my home." He replied, her hand calming his nerves far more than any hypospray. "My people are just, unable to fit in with the wider galaxy without making adjustments... It's why most of us don't leave."

"But you are fitting in, I like you for you and I'm sure Naxea does too! Maybe you're right we'll never completely fit in but doesn't mean we should try to change ourselves completely. Look what it's doing to you, you're trying so hard to fit in that you lose yourself S'hib." She sighed watching how his hair fell through her fingers, and she made then the conscious decision that from this point on they would be friends, best of friends even and her crush... evaporated there were greater things to simply loving someone romantically, S'hib had a romantic interest and she would be there for him for all the other stuff she couldn't be and one day maybe she'd find someone too, and she was happy with that.

"Kinda a good thing I'm not Elasian, I've done an awful lot of crying recently..." He said with a gentle chuckle escaping what little of an open smile he had.

She chuckled and rested her head at the bottom of his neck she could feel his heartbeat now slowing his breathe becoming deeper. “An Elasian male doesn't produce biochemical tears," She said with a smile, but actually usually all females do is cry and make men fight each other so you'd probably fit in with the crying part. How are you feeling now" The hypospray in view and reminding her why they were both sitting on the floor.

"I'm ok, I uh... I get really bad anxiety... I know, a security officer who has panic attacks." S'hib said as he stared up at the ceiling.

"It happens, we're not machines," River said moving her own head to accommodate his movement. "Not being a Human in Starfleet is harder than it seems, not being a humanoid must be... frustrating." River had always found it hard to fit in, Starfleet was amazing and it did accommodate as much as it could but sometimes people didn't like change and they didn't like people who could threaten the norm for River it was her social skills and biochemical tears and for S'hib it was the way he looked.

“Its not so bad...” He said, sitting up somewhat. “I got used to people staring while at the Academy.” S’hib added as looked around, having only just remembered he was in her quarters.

“Nobody ever picked on me though, so there is that.” He smiled

River chuckled and relieved that he was feeling well enough to be joking, "Shall we go back to work? We may both not be Human but I think being alone in a room together for some time is considered suspicious on any world" She teased already getting up off the floor.

"You obviously haven't visited the Pamula beach..." S'hib smirked as he got up on his hooves. "It's a little way north from where I took you last and let's just say, My people... only go there for one reason."

She chuckled shaking her head, "In light of recent decisions I think perhaps visiting places like that will not serve me any good and I'll leave that for you and Azhul" River teased straightening out her circlet and dusting down her uniform, her floor wasn't dirty but it was just a habit.

"Oh..." S'hib said with exaggerated disappointment. "I just thought you could go with Tour." He added as innocently as he could while adjusting his belt.

"Maybe, but I think I should look more closely at the people I share my home with before exploring further afield." She patted S'hibs shoulder. "Lets go do our jobs Boss." River smiled pleased that she had turned a new leaf and began new chapter in her life.

“We already are,” S’hib replied as he placed a hand over hers, gently running his two thumbs over her vastly smaller fingers. “You and I might both be security officers, but looking after the mental well being of others is still something we can protect...” He finished before moving his hand behind her head and pulling her forehead to his. “Besides, someone has to put up with you...” he teased.

The move had thrown River of a little but she met his gesture and pressed her head to his willingly. To people not educated in Sequus culture it could be perceived that they were about to mate, but to her and Shib it was the highest gesture of friendship and she couldn't help but smile before chuckling as he teased her. In mock annoyance she blew out her lips and shook her head Rivers hair bouncing around her head as she had seen Shib do whenever he was annoyed. "And someone has to put up with you too."

Ensign River Lokaa
Security Officer
USS Elysium

Lieutenant S'hib
Security Officer
USS Elysium